Christmas is upon us. It's only 11 days away. I've done pretty good so far this year. House is decorated, presents are wrapped. Almost everything is bought. Almost. There is always that one gift that your child sees on TV that they just HAVE to have. And then you rush out like a mad woman to get it. But then one child has an extra present so you have to go get another gift and it's just a never ending cycle.
I'm sure we've had some entertaining things happen around here but with all the holiday hoopla, I just can't seem to remember any of it. So I thought I'd leave you with some tidbits of joy that my kids have said the past few weeks.
From the son:
Mom - if Santa brings you coal, do you still get presents from you parents?
I guess he wants to make sure he's getting at least a few presents!
Mom - if Dad broke both of his arms, would you have to wipe his butt for him?
I have no idea where this even came from. And lets just pray it never happens.
Mom - I'm too tired to walk after my shower can you drag me to the living room?
FYI - don't ever do this because your baby boy's legs will get extremely rug burned and you will feel awful for days. I didn't do this, but just saying in case you were thinking about it.
Mom - when I get old I'm going to build a house and there is going to be a secret tunnel to a house for you so that when it snows you don't have to go outside to come over. And there is going to be a slide so you can just slide all the way to my house because you will be too old to walk.
Wow, that's really nice of you. When are you going to build this house?
When I'm 20 because then you will be REALLY old. (FYI - I'll only be 48 when he's 20. Apparently that's ancient)
After putting on his wrestling singlet - Mom, this outfit is so stupid, it makes my weiner look big!
Well it's better than making your butt look big! Because really, how else does a mother respond to this?
And the best for last -
Mom - wouldn't it be awesome if Santa got stuck in the chimney and we could just go up there and take all the presents out of his sleigh and I bet there would be a flat screen tv in there and I could have it in my room and my sister would be so mad and then we could help Santa out and he wouldn't know we took the presents because we would still give him his cookies and he would give us a ride in his sleigh and then when he got back to the north pole I would be hidden in the toy bag and could be a secret spy and see how everything was made.
But son, all the other kids would be sad if they didn't get their toys.
Well then I wouldn't take all the toys just the TV so my sister would be mad but I'd see if there was another one for her too.
So glad that he's thinking of others.
From the daughter -
If I don't get a cell phone for Christmas, I am going to be the ONLY one in the entire Middle School without one.
Why can't I get new clothes, all of my clothes are so stupid and do you want me to look stupid at school? Why do I have to wait until Christmas to get new clothes, I guess by then I just won't have any friends.
I have no response to either of these because I'm picking my battles. So far, I've picked all the wrong ones.
So with that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Holiday happenings...
The holidays are upon us. Yesterday was Halloween, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Okay, not really but it does seem like time is moving that quickly. There is so much to do, so many people to see, so many gifts to buy, so many cookies to eat, so much money to spend. The older these kids get, the more expensive the presents become!
With the holidays comes stress. Lots of it. We do it to ourselves. We have to find that one perfect gift or find that one perfect Christmas outfit for the Holiday program. We make things so much harder than it has to be. And by we - I really mean me. But I'm sure I'm not the only one.
When I picture Christmas, it's your typical Norman Rockwell calendar picture for the month of December. Cute little kids are hugging in front of fire with warm mugs of hot cocoa. The husband and wife are looking on with their arms around each other. They are probably kissing under a mistletoe and there is a beautiful dinner spread out behind them that their private chef cooked. I'm 50 lbs. thinner and have hair like Christina Applegate. My kids aren't fighting over the remote and my husband isn't complaining about the 5 Christmas trees I've set up. The maid is in the background just waiting to clean up after us. Oh and there is a new Cadillac DTS I can spot out the window (because I'm always thinking of my husband and his wants and needs.) My house is spotless and has a basement. Yes, in my dreams, I have a basement.
But as we all know, it's not like that at all. I think the build up to Christmas is just that...a build up...only to be let down. The real picture is something like this: the kids are fighting over who's turn it is to watch a show because apparently the 17 hours of TV they've already watched that day isn't enough, they are screaming at each other and I'm screaming over them. Dad walks in and talks to them nicely and takes the remote and they both run crying to their room because my screaming does nothing but Dad talking is LAW, the dog is licking herself in front of the fire/corn burner that doesn't even work, frozen pizza is on the counter and no one is cleaning up but me. The only thing I see out the window is dog poop and a junky van that has 150,000 miles on it and there is no mistle toe anywhere in sight because I'm sure that by bedtime I will have a headache. And I have no basement.
Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday because it's stress free. You make a meal, eat it, be thankful, watch football with a full belly and it's over. What's not to like about that? But Christmas....plans have to be made in October just to coordinate everyone's schedules, gift lists have to be made so there are no duplicates, money has to be saved to buy said gifts, menus need to be planned so there aren't 4 green bean casseroles and no desserts. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because it's expected. If we don't get all the gifts on the lists, how do we get our kids to behave the months of November and December? I've already used the Santa threat 617 times and it's only November 17th.
So this year I decided to have less stress. I've shopped mostly online. The kids aren't getting nearly as much. We've raised money and are "giving back" by adopting kids on the angel tree. I'm baking early and sticking it all in the freezer so it's ready. I'm doing some small projects here and there and so far, it's going well. I'm still debating how many trees to put up. We have a small house but I usually have 5 trees up. The husband does not like this. It's hard to be "scroogey" when Christmas has puked all over your house. I think all the twinkling lights distract from his stupid TV shows. I guess it's hard to watch things like "The Fall of Hitler" with Santa staring at you. Since I can't threaten him with Santa, he gets away with a little more than the kids.
This year since I am keeping it low stress, I'm even allowing my husband to be in control of my son's big gift. It's a project he has to build and I'm a nervous wreck over it. My husband is very handy and I know it will turn out great (and be ready by Dec. 23rd - hint, hint honey....that's your deadline). But I've never let him have this much control over a gift. The fact that I can't just go buy it and know that it's here and ready is really stressing me out. And the fact that he keeps showing me plans and I'm picturing something totally different than what he has drawn also stresses me out. He was asking me questions about it and I had no idea what he was talking about and he asked me if I had a stroke because I was being so stupid - not a good sign about the outcome of this project. I think we have it all worked out now but this part was supposed to lower my stress not make more. Deep breaths control freak. Deep breaths.
I know in the long run it will all be worth it. All the hours of shopping, wrapping, baking, it will all be worth it. Even though it will all be over on Christmas morning in about 11 minutes it will all be worth it. If I keep telling myself that, think it will come true? I think my chances of waking up with a basement are more likely.
With the holidays comes stress. Lots of it. We do it to ourselves. We have to find that one perfect gift or find that one perfect Christmas outfit for the Holiday program. We make things so much harder than it has to be. And by we - I really mean me. But I'm sure I'm not the only one.
When I picture Christmas, it's your typical Norman Rockwell calendar picture for the month of December. Cute little kids are hugging in front of fire with warm mugs of hot cocoa. The husband and wife are looking on with their arms around each other. They are probably kissing under a mistletoe and there is a beautiful dinner spread out behind them that their private chef cooked. I'm 50 lbs. thinner and have hair like Christina Applegate. My kids aren't fighting over the remote and my husband isn't complaining about the 5 Christmas trees I've set up. The maid is in the background just waiting to clean up after us. Oh and there is a new Cadillac DTS I can spot out the window (because I'm always thinking of my husband and his wants and needs.) My house is spotless and has a basement. Yes, in my dreams, I have a basement.
But as we all know, it's not like that at all. I think the build up to Christmas is just that...a build up...only to be let down. The real picture is something like this: the kids are fighting over who's turn it is to watch a show because apparently the 17 hours of TV they've already watched that day isn't enough, they are screaming at each other and I'm screaming over them. Dad walks in and talks to them nicely and takes the remote and they both run crying to their room because my screaming does nothing but Dad talking is LAW, the dog is licking herself in front of the fire/corn burner that doesn't even work, frozen pizza is on the counter and no one is cleaning up but me. The only thing I see out the window is dog poop and a junky van that has 150,000 miles on it and there is no mistle toe anywhere in sight because I'm sure that by bedtime I will have a headache. And I have no basement.
Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday because it's stress free. You make a meal, eat it, be thankful, watch football with a full belly and it's over. What's not to like about that? But Christmas....plans have to be made in October just to coordinate everyone's schedules, gift lists have to be made so there are no duplicates, money has to be saved to buy said gifts, menus need to be planned so there aren't 4 green bean casseroles and no desserts. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because it's expected. If we don't get all the gifts on the lists, how do we get our kids to behave the months of November and December? I've already used the Santa threat 617 times and it's only November 17th.
So this year I decided to have less stress. I've shopped mostly online. The kids aren't getting nearly as much. We've raised money and are "giving back" by adopting kids on the angel tree. I'm baking early and sticking it all in the freezer so it's ready. I'm doing some small projects here and there and so far, it's going well. I'm still debating how many trees to put up. We have a small house but I usually have 5 trees up. The husband does not like this. It's hard to be "scroogey" when Christmas has puked all over your house. I think all the twinkling lights distract from his stupid TV shows. I guess it's hard to watch things like "The Fall of Hitler" with Santa staring at you. Since I can't threaten him with Santa, he gets away with a little more than the kids.
This year since I am keeping it low stress, I'm even allowing my husband to be in control of my son's big gift. It's a project he has to build and I'm a nervous wreck over it. My husband is very handy and I know it will turn out great (and be ready by Dec. 23rd - hint, hint honey....that's your deadline). But I've never let him have this much control over a gift. The fact that I can't just go buy it and know that it's here and ready is really stressing me out. And the fact that he keeps showing me plans and I'm picturing something totally different than what he has drawn also stresses me out. He was asking me questions about it and I had no idea what he was talking about and he asked me if I had a stroke because I was being so stupid - not a good sign about the outcome of this project. I think we have it all worked out now but this part was supposed to lower my stress not make more. Deep breaths control freak. Deep breaths.
I know in the long run it will all be worth it. All the hours of shopping, wrapping, baking, it will all be worth it. Even though it will all be over on Christmas morning in about 11 minutes it will all be worth it. If I keep telling myself that, think it will come true? I think my chances of waking up with a basement are more likely.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The glue that holds us all together
So much has happened since my last blog. Nothing of great world changing importance but entertaining none the less.
Let's start with Halloween and the 516 pieces of Halloween candy that are now haunting me in the pantry. The kids had a great time. I have to say, it may be the best one yet as I didn't even have to take my kids trick or treating. First off, my daughter is WAY too cool to go out with her MOTHER. Are you kidding me? Luckily, we had friends over so the girls went off on their own. Even more lucky for me, someone volunteered/I begged to take out my son. I got to sit and enjoy a fire with all my best gal pals and their hubbies. Of course I couldn't relax because my husband was burning some kind of combustible wood that kept spitting smoldering splinters onto my one pair of jeans that fit. Luckily, no one was burned though it came close to sending a Taylor Swift wig up in flames a few times. Now I'm left with all this candy. I saw this great crafty idea where you use it to make this daily chart where each kid got one piece a day throughout November. Apparently that Pinterest poster had more time than me because now we are already at Nov. 9th and it hasn't happened so we will continue to eat our way through it until all that's left are Dum Dum suckers and mints and we throw it away. The kids did have fun though and we got off pretty cheap on costumes so I'd say we can chalk it up to a success.
Since then we've been busy with school work, gearing up for more holidays and our son's newest activity: wrestling. When signing him up, I didn't realize how intense the schedule would be. For most people, its probably not a big deal. For a family where the mom and children require 10 hours of sleep a night, it's a bit much. Practice 3 times a week for 2 hours each time. So far though, he's loving it so it's worth it. Plus the exercise is doing him good. If you want a good laugh, just come watch him do some push-ups. It's a combination of the worm and humping. Words can't even explain. It's a you tube video waiting to happen. We've (I mean him) have been practicing them at home so we are almost there.
Now that we are getting into the swing of all the practices, we've had an injury that has us out of practice for a week. My son has a very hard head (from his father) and he collided with another boy at school. When you get a call from the school nurse, it's never good. Never. It's not like she's going to call and say "Oh by the way, just took your kids temp and it's fine. He can stay here for the rest of the day." No. A call usually involves a fever, puking, an injury, something bad. So when the school's number pops up on caller ID, I try to prepare for the worse. When the nurse says "Can you come in and look at this hole in your son's head because we think he may need some stitches?" you just jump in the car and go. When you find out your son's hard head knocked out someone else's two front teeth, you immediately ask 1) were they baby teeth (and keep your fingers crossed for a yes) and 2) who was it (incase it's some psycho parent and they are gonna freak out). Lucky for us they were baby teeth and the "victim" was a great little boy with super nice parents! Also lucky for us, my son's head didn't need stitches. They glued up the tooth shaped hole in his head and sent us on our way. The story my son tells recounting the event has grown every time he tells it. I guess they collided while playing football at recess. They both looked a little rough this morning at school but were the celebrities of 1st grade as they walked down the hallway showing off their battle wounds.
Last night when we went to bed, the husband and I were talking about being parents. I had already checked on my son 7 times in 2 hours because of the "warning signs of a concussion" the doctor gave us. It should be titled "this probably isn't going to happen but we don't want you to sleep tonight" information sheet. I was worried he wouldn't "wake easily" but he was fine. My daughter was going through some girl drama so she was bawling before bed. Girls are mean. She's not innocent and is hypersensitive about things but still. I don't remember girls getting mean until about 15, not 10. Anyway, we were talking about how hard parenting really is. I knew it would be but I guess I didn't realize all the emotions that you go through. One minute you are so proud and excited for them. One minute you are mad at them and discouraged that things just aren't getting through those thick little heads, the next minute you are screaming and then next second you feel guilty for screaming the minute before. You feel anger and want to go slap some 5th grade girl that hurt your daughter's feelings but you have to be strong and set a good example. Sometimes you are depressed that you aren't doing everything you promised yourself you were going to do and sometimes you are depressed because you are doing everything you said you wouldn't do. You feel enlightened because some of the things your parents said/did are finally making sense. And then you once again feel guilty for being such a snot to your parents. One minute you are getting a hug from a stinky, sweaty little boy and the next he is screaming at his sister over the remote and you want to ground him for a week but really that's just more punishment for you. So when people say parenting is the hardest job in the world, they aren't lying. It really is. The pay sucks but the benefits make up for it. Wouldn't it be nice if they just gave out that glue and we could fix all of our problems as easily as it fixed the tooth shaped hole in my son's head? I guess we'll never know. Until then, I will hang on and enjoy the ride on this emotional roller coaster!
Let's start with Halloween and the 516 pieces of Halloween candy that are now haunting me in the pantry. The kids had a great time. I have to say, it may be the best one yet as I didn't even have to take my kids trick or treating. First off, my daughter is WAY too cool to go out with her MOTHER. Are you kidding me? Luckily, we had friends over so the girls went off on their own. Even more lucky for me, someone volunteered/I begged to take out my son. I got to sit and enjoy a fire with all my best gal pals and their hubbies. Of course I couldn't relax because my husband was burning some kind of combustible wood that kept spitting smoldering splinters onto my one pair of jeans that fit. Luckily, no one was burned though it came close to sending a Taylor Swift wig up in flames a few times. Now I'm left with all this candy. I saw this great crafty idea where you use it to make this daily chart where each kid got one piece a day throughout November. Apparently that Pinterest poster had more time than me because now we are already at Nov. 9th and it hasn't happened so we will continue to eat our way through it until all that's left are Dum Dum suckers and mints and we throw it away. The kids did have fun though and we got off pretty cheap on costumes so I'd say we can chalk it up to a success.
Since then we've been busy with school work, gearing up for more holidays and our son's newest activity: wrestling. When signing him up, I didn't realize how intense the schedule would be. For most people, its probably not a big deal. For a family where the mom and children require 10 hours of sleep a night, it's a bit much. Practice 3 times a week for 2 hours each time. So far though, he's loving it so it's worth it. Plus the exercise is doing him good. If you want a good laugh, just come watch him do some push-ups. It's a combination of the worm and humping. Words can't even explain. It's a you tube video waiting to happen. We've (I mean him) have been practicing them at home so we are almost there.
Now that we are getting into the swing of all the practices, we've had an injury that has us out of practice for a week. My son has a very hard head (from his father) and he collided with another boy at school. When you get a call from the school nurse, it's never good. Never. It's not like she's going to call and say "Oh by the way, just took your kids temp and it's fine. He can stay here for the rest of the day." No. A call usually involves a fever, puking, an injury, something bad. So when the school's number pops up on caller ID, I try to prepare for the worse. When the nurse says "Can you come in and look at this hole in your son's head because we think he may need some stitches?" you just jump in the car and go. When you find out your son's hard head knocked out someone else's two front teeth, you immediately ask 1) were they baby teeth (and keep your fingers crossed for a yes) and 2) who was it (incase it's some psycho parent and they are gonna freak out). Lucky for us they were baby teeth and the "victim" was a great little boy with super nice parents! Also lucky for us, my son's head didn't need stitches. They glued up the tooth shaped hole in his head and sent us on our way. The story my son tells recounting the event has grown every time he tells it. I guess they collided while playing football at recess. They both looked a little rough this morning at school but were the celebrities of 1st grade as they walked down the hallway showing off their battle wounds.
Last night when we went to bed, the husband and I were talking about being parents. I had already checked on my son 7 times in 2 hours because of the "warning signs of a concussion" the doctor gave us. It should be titled "this probably isn't going to happen but we don't want you to sleep tonight" information sheet. I was worried he wouldn't "wake easily" but he was fine. My daughter was going through some girl drama so she was bawling before bed. Girls are mean. She's not innocent and is hypersensitive about things but still. I don't remember girls getting mean until about 15, not 10. Anyway, we were talking about how hard parenting really is. I knew it would be but I guess I didn't realize all the emotions that you go through. One minute you are so proud and excited for them. One minute you are mad at them and discouraged that things just aren't getting through those thick little heads, the next minute you are screaming and then next second you feel guilty for screaming the minute before. You feel anger and want to go slap some 5th grade girl that hurt your daughter's feelings but you have to be strong and set a good example. Sometimes you are depressed that you aren't doing everything you promised yourself you were going to do and sometimes you are depressed because you are doing everything you said you wouldn't do. You feel enlightened because some of the things your parents said/did are finally making sense. And then you once again feel guilty for being such a snot to your parents. One minute you are getting a hug from a stinky, sweaty little boy and the next he is screaming at his sister over the remote and you want to ground him for a week but really that's just more punishment for you. So when people say parenting is the hardest job in the world, they aren't lying. It really is. The pay sucks but the benefits make up for it. Wouldn't it be nice if they just gave out that glue and we could fix all of our problems as easily as it fixed the tooth shaped hole in my son's head? I guess we'll never know. Until then, I will hang on and enjoy the ride on this emotional roller coaster!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
My (current) favorite things
Since I was such a hater in my last post, I thought I would leave you with a more "Oprah" like post about my favorite things. Fortunately for you, my items are either free or within my "Dave Ramsay" budget.
1. Pinterest - I'm slightly addicted. Best. Website. Ever. Seriously, so many ideas that I would have never thought of.
2. Stupid infomercials - my fave right now is www.getthundershirt.com Ridiculous.
3. Caress Body Wash - love it. Remember the old commercials - "Before you dress, Caress" Well I do and I love it.
4. Rain-X - Actually that should say "when my husband puts rain-x on my windshield" Not only does it make me feel like he loves me but the rain and bugs literally fly off my windshield. If that's not romance, then I don't know what is.
5. The movie "Elf" It's almost time to break it out.
6. Cappucino protein shakes. They complete my morning in this cold weather.
7. Eddie Bauer Yoga pants at Sam's Club for $9.99. I have no intention of doing yoga but if I did, they aren't the low rise ones so I wouldn't be sporting the plumber look. Also - they are the softest pants ever.
8. Texting - how did I live the past 34 years without it?
9. When my 6 yr. old son sings Adele. I'm pretty sure others would think he has Tuerets but it's hilarious.
10. www.picnik.com - love it for editing pictures. I have Photoshop but am still learning everything on there so this is a quick editing site and it's free!
11. The feather my daughter got for her hair. It was on clearance and it's the clip in kind not an extension so it's a win-win for both of us!
12. Girlfriends - when old or new, no girl should be without them.
13. Excedrin Tension - best headache medicine ever.
14. Fall - reminds me of when I was a kid going to the apple orchard in Henry, includes my favorite holiday (Thanksgiving) and I love the weather
15. Boots - this is a love/hate. I love them but have yet to find a pair that I don't look totally ridiculous in. The Ugg looking ones don't work because I've broken both feet and can no longer bend them flat to get them on. And then the tall zip up ones are way too tall for my short legs. They go up over my knee and I look like Elasti-girl from The Incredibles.
So that's it for now. I know I should have more "products" on here so you could all rush out and buy them. But if you just want to send me money for my ideas - that works too!
1. Pinterest - I'm slightly addicted. Best. Website. Ever. Seriously, so many ideas that I would have never thought of.
2. Stupid infomercials - my fave right now is www.getthundershirt.com Ridiculous.
3. Caress Body Wash - love it. Remember the old commercials - "Before you dress, Caress" Well I do and I love it.
4. Rain-X - Actually that should say "when my husband puts rain-x on my windshield" Not only does it make me feel like he loves me but the rain and bugs literally fly off my windshield. If that's not romance, then I don't know what is.
5. The movie "Elf" It's almost time to break it out.
6. Cappucino protein shakes. They complete my morning in this cold weather.
7. Eddie Bauer Yoga pants at Sam's Club for $9.99. I have no intention of doing yoga but if I did, they aren't the low rise ones so I wouldn't be sporting the plumber look. Also - they are the softest pants ever.
8. Texting - how did I live the past 34 years without it?
9. When my 6 yr. old son sings Adele. I'm pretty sure others would think he has Tuerets but it's hilarious.
10. www.picnik.com - love it for editing pictures. I have Photoshop but am still learning everything on there so this is a quick editing site and it's free!
11. The feather my daughter got for her hair. It was on clearance and it's the clip in kind not an extension so it's a win-win for both of us!
12. Girlfriends - when old or new, no girl should be without them.
13. Excedrin Tension - best headache medicine ever.
14. Fall - reminds me of when I was a kid going to the apple orchard in Henry, includes my favorite holiday (Thanksgiving) and I love the weather
15. Boots - this is a love/hate. I love them but have yet to find a pair that I don't look totally ridiculous in. The Ugg looking ones don't work because I've broken both feet and can no longer bend them flat to get them on. And then the tall zip up ones are way too tall for my short legs. They go up over my knee and I look like Elasti-girl from The Incredibles.
So that's it for now. I know I should have more "products" on here so you could all rush out and buy them. But if you just want to send me money for my ideas - that works too!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Haters....
Nothing funny or exciting happened this past week which is nice for a change. I was flipping through channels this morning and came across Oprah's channel. I'm an Oprah hater. Sorry. I'm not a big fan and I don't watch her new OWN network. It got me thinking though about her favorite things list. As much as I don't like her, I would love to be on that episode. Something about Oprah just seems fake to me. Before you all become haters, yes, she's done amazing things. Good for her. Her favorite things always interested me though because they were usually things totally out of the average person's budget. Sorry, I buy my lotion at Wal-Mart and it's $1.97 not $30. And why didn't she ever do a hate list? She could be like "Sorry folks, this is all the crap I don't like so I'm giving it to you" and I bet it would still be awesome stuff. So in honor of hating on Oprah and because my kids haven't done anything entertaining to post about, I thought I'd make my current hate list.
1. All the stupid shows my husband records on the DVR (such as Top Gear, XTreme 4x4, All in the Family, Hot Rod TV and stupid WILL specials on things like Prohibition)
2. Cleaning the bathrooms.
3. When the dog poops under the clothesline.
4. Buying new underwear. Seriously folks, they are expensive and no one even sees them.
5. Reality TV (except for Guiliana and Bill)
6. Cake Boss. Yes, I hate him.
7. When someone calls and says "Oh I saw this cake on Cake Boss and it looks totally easy. Can you make it?" I say sure and give them a price and they say "Really? It looks so easy on tv." Well then maybe you should make it yourself.
8. Wiping my son's butt. But I also hate doing laundry when he does it himself so that's a real toss up.
9. Ray Liotta
10. When my husband gives the dog a hair cut and then puts the hair covered shirt into the laundry. I don't know its in there and wash it and then the whole load is covered in black dog hair. I don't notice this until half of the load is on the clothes line. I then have to make the call if I want to rewash all of his clothes or just go crazy with the lint brush because it's his fault anyway. But can I really send him to work looking like he made out with Big Foot, isn't that a direct reflection on me? I hate tough decisions.
11. When other kids are mean to my kids. I want to punch the other kid in the face but have to be a responsible parent and tell my kids to "kill them with kindness".
12. Stupid people.
13. Carbs. They are my kryptonite. (FYI - I looked up the definition of kryptonite and it says "the one weakness of an otherwise invaluable hero" Yep - totally describes me and carbs.
14. Door to door salesmen. I'm a goon magnet so I can't tell them no and then I'm usually stuck with a years worth of a magazine I don't want or have to break the news to the vacuum salesman that yes, my carpet looks great now but I'm not buying his $2000 vacuum. Thank goodness most of them are afraid of the dog and stay away.
15. The fact that I won't be going to see Wicked in Peoria. My husband was nice enough to lay the huge ad on the table though yesterday so I didn't talk to him most of the day. I hate the fact that I don't think he noticed. Or maybe he enjoyed it?
16. The fact that my blog hasn't made me a millionaire yet. I already have my book tour planned. All I need is to write a book, rent a PreVost (so the family can meet up with me. I will be flying.) and get some funds.
Okay, I'm done. I really am not a hater. I am very thankful for my life and all the blessings. I do plan to be all Oprah-like and do a favorite things list eventually. But it's all about keeping it real at the Rowland's house. Even if it means your son is very "real" and tells you not to kiss him good-bye because your breath stinks.
1. All the stupid shows my husband records on the DVR (such as Top Gear, XTreme 4x4, All in the Family, Hot Rod TV and stupid WILL specials on things like Prohibition)
2. Cleaning the bathrooms.
3. When the dog poops under the clothesline.
4. Buying new underwear. Seriously folks, they are expensive and no one even sees them.
5. Reality TV (except for Guiliana and Bill)
6. Cake Boss. Yes, I hate him.
7. When someone calls and says "Oh I saw this cake on Cake Boss and it looks totally easy. Can you make it?" I say sure and give them a price and they say "Really? It looks so easy on tv." Well then maybe you should make it yourself.
8. Wiping my son's butt. But I also hate doing laundry when he does it himself so that's a real toss up.
9. Ray Liotta
10. When my husband gives the dog a hair cut and then puts the hair covered shirt into the laundry. I don't know its in there and wash it and then the whole load is covered in black dog hair. I don't notice this until half of the load is on the clothes line. I then have to make the call if I want to rewash all of his clothes or just go crazy with the lint brush because it's his fault anyway. But can I really send him to work looking like he made out with Big Foot, isn't that a direct reflection on me? I hate tough decisions.
11. When other kids are mean to my kids. I want to punch the other kid in the face but have to be a responsible parent and tell my kids to "kill them with kindness".
12. Stupid people.
13. Carbs. They are my kryptonite. (FYI - I looked up the definition of kryptonite and it says "the one weakness of an otherwise invaluable hero" Yep - totally describes me and carbs.
14. Door to door salesmen. I'm a goon magnet so I can't tell them no and then I'm usually stuck with a years worth of a magazine I don't want or have to break the news to the vacuum salesman that yes, my carpet looks great now but I'm not buying his $2000 vacuum. Thank goodness most of them are afraid of the dog and stay away.
15. The fact that I won't be going to see Wicked in Peoria. My husband was nice enough to lay the huge ad on the table though yesterday so I didn't talk to him most of the day. I hate the fact that I don't think he noticed. Or maybe he enjoyed it?
16. The fact that my blog hasn't made me a millionaire yet. I already have my book tour planned. All I need is to write a book, rent a PreVost (so the family can meet up with me. I will be flying.) and get some funds.
Okay, I'm done. I really am not a hater. I am very thankful for my life and all the blessings. I do plan to be all Oprah-like and do a favorite things list eventually. But it's all about keeping it real at the Rowland's house. Even if it means your son is very "real" and tells you not to kiss him good-bye because your breath stinks.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Somebody call DCSF
Because apparently taking your children to a college football game is abuse. Well, at least to my two kids. We never do anything that my husband wants to do. This is what he tells me anyway. I won't mention the 7 days we spent in Wisconsin this summer or the RV open house that I thoroughly enjoyed last summer. That's all beside the point. Last weekend we had the chance to get 4 tickets to a college football game. Knowing this would make my husband happy and being the fantabulous wife that I am, I bought them. I figured it would be cheaper to spend $30 for two tickets for the kids than paying a babysitter for all afternoon/evening.
That night at dinner we told the kids that we were going to do something super fun on Saturday afternoon. Maybe I built it up too much but they should know by now that I totally exaggerate. We told them that we would be going to the game and the complaints started. Why would we torture them so? Why did they have to go? My daughter had NOTHING to wear to the game! My son just said he wasn't going which I thought I could at least count on him for excitement. Guess not. I promised my daughter that I would get her a new shirt before the game. With the team being blue/orange, I had strict instructions to get nothing with orange because it was not flattering with her hair. I figured if I could pass that test, we may have a chance of having a good time.
Friday comes along and I'm off to the mall to get shirts for myself and the two kids. The mall even had a special - buy one, get two free. It was like sporting wear destiny. I remember the "rules" and only get a navy/white one for my daughter. That afternoon, she declares it's hideous and can't wear it to the game. She wanted something girly and glittery - not what I got. Now typically, I would just say tough BUT it was too small on her and my sons was too big so we head back to the mall. She finds the "perfect" shirt which is grey, hot pink and silver. Totally team spirit there.
Game day rolls around. I'm already $80 into this adventure from the tickets and new shirts so I'm determined this day is going to be great! We head to a quick soccer game and then home to quickly eat and go to the game. Hysteria breaks out as we are leaving because Dad informs daughter that she isn't wearing flip flops. Daddysaidwhat? That news did not go over well. Why wouldn't we let our extremely graceful daughter wear flip flops held together with a paper clip? We'd only be walking two miles to the stadium. (Dad's way too cheap to pay for parking.) Tears and drama and ten minutes later, we have shoes on.
We get there and walk (2 miles) with our emergency rain ponchos in our pockets because it may rain. We are ready for a good time. I'm walking by myself because my husband has pointed out some players parents and I ask who that is and he's completely appalled that I don't know and is now 17 paces ahead of me. Either that or it's because I have a rain poncho in each back pocket and it looks like I'm wearing an adult diaper.
We find our seats and the game starts. About 10 minutes into it my daughter asks when it's going to be kick-off. She's as sporty as her mama. Luckily, we are winning so the fireworks are making my son happy. 12 minutes into the game my son is so hungry he can't possibly survive another minute. He may pass out. Did I mention we ate lunch right before we left the house? I tell him that as soon as the kettle corn guy comes by, I'll get him some. He makes it his personal mission to flag this guy down. The jumbo tron camera keeps zooming the crowd and I can just see it now - my son waving like a maniac but at least people will think he's just cheering.
We make it until halftime with out too many issues. The grandma behind us gave the kids suckers, she must have been worried he was really gonna pass out. His was gone in 2.7 seconds while my daughter had to scope out the grandma and witness her own grandkids eating them to make sure they weren't poison before she ate her's. Maybe she was making sure her brother didn't pass out from it first?
Halftime leads to a walk, snacks and drinks. Can I just say that next time, I'm smuggling in food instead of ponchos. We come back to our seats to see it had rained a few drops. My son is so disappointed he didn't get to put on his poncho. One drop hits his arm and he declares that he's soaked and wants to get the poncho on. The man in front of us thinks this is hilarious. I don't because I know we'll never be able to fold it up again and there is no way my husband is throwing away a poncho that cost 99 cents if it didn't even get used a sufficient amount of time.
More complaining, a few touchdowns, snacks eaten and we are finally to the last quarter. There was a time in there that it was tied and I started to panic that it was going to go into overtime. I've showed the kids the giant clock so they can't ask me "how much longer?" anymore. They don't understand why the blessed clock keeps stopping though and their dad has already explained 1st down to all of us at least 3 times and isn't about to explain anything else. I was thinking we'd be home around 5:00 and it's already 7:15 so obviously I'm clueless! We are just about home free with only 6 minutes left and then it takes a turn for the worse.
My daughter had gotten a new slap bracelet the day before at the book fair. It was the last day of the book fair and it was the last zebra striped bracelet and it was her last $2 - so basically it was fate that she was wearing it. She had continuously slapped it on her wrist throughout the game with me saying "please stop doing that" but apparently I don't know anything. She was in the process of slapping it on again and I gave her "the look" and she did it "just one more time" to be a brat and oops....God don't like ugly...and it went bouncing down the bleachers. It's rubber so it bounced quickly out of sight. Of course not as quickly as the drama unfolded. The bleachers are packed so we can't really see where it went. We ask the people in front of us that have had to listen to the complaining the entire time. They quickly look because they don't want it to get worse. Nope, it can't be found. I assure her that we will look after the game. As she watches the giant timer get closer to zero she's panicking because she knows with everyone moving, it's going to get kicked even further out of reach. How will she finish 5th grade without this zebra bracelet that's she's only had for one day and only gotten to slap 778 times? Luckily, as people start to leave, she has the chance to go down a few aisles and someone in front of us actually sees it and gets it for her. We thank him profusely for saving us a huge amount of drama and start the long journey back to the car with the bracelet firmly in place. (no more slapping, just wearing, because mom is always right.)
All in all, it was a nice day. The weather was beautiful. I think we ended up spending way more and didn't save any money by not getting a babysitter but we have our memories, right? My son's dreams were crushed that he didn't get on the big screen but he got kettle corn so that made up for it. And most importantly, we got to do something that my husband enjoyed.
He actually just asked what I was blogging about and I said the game. His reply was "Are you telling them how awesome it was?" Apparently we were at two different games.
That night at dinner we told the kids that we were going to do something super fun on Saturday afternoon. Maybe I built it up too much but they should know by now that I totally exaggerate. We told them that we would be going to the game and the complaints started. Why would we torture them so? Why did they have to go? My daughter had NOTHING to wear to the game! My son just said he wasn't going which I thought I could at least count on him for excitement. Guess not. I promised my daughter that I would get her a new shirt before the game. With the team being blue/orange, I had strict instructions to get nothing with orange because it was not flattering with her hair. I figured if I could pass that test, we may have a chance of having a good time.
Friday comes along and I'm off to the mall to get shirts for myself and the two kids. The mall even had a special - buy one, get two free. It was like sporting wear destiny. I remember the "rules" and only get a navy/white one for my daughter. That afternoon, she declares it's hideous and can't wear it to the game. She wanted something girly and glittery - not what I got. Now typically, I would just say tough BUT it was too small on her and my sons was too big so we head back to the mall. She finds the "perfect" shirt which is grey, hot pink and silver. Totally team spirit there.
Game day rolls around. I'm already $80 into this adventure from the tickets and new shirts so I'm determined this day is going to be great! We head to a quick soccer game and then home to quickly eat and go to the game. Hysteria breaks out as we are leaving because Dad informs daughter that she isn't wearing flip flops. Daddysaidwhat? That news did not go over well. Why wouldn't we let our extremely graceful daughter wear flip flops held together with a paper clip? We'd only be walking two miles to the stadium. (Dad's way too cheap to pay for parking.) Tears and drama and ten minutes later, we have shoes on.
We get there and walk (2 miles) with our emergency rain ponchos in our pockets because it may rain. We are ready for a good time. I'm walking by myself because my husband has pointed out some players parents and I ask who that is and he's completely appalled that I don't know and is now 17 paces ahead of me. Either that or it's because I have a rain poncho in each back pocket and it looks like I'm wearing an adult diaper.
We find our seats and the game starts. About 10 minutes into it my daughter asks when it's going to be kick-off. She's as sporty as her mama. Luckily, we are winning so the fireworks are making my son happy. 12 minutes into the game my son is so hungry he can't possibly survive another minute. He may pass out. Did I mention we ate lunch right before we left the house? I tell him that as soon as the kettle corn guy comes by, I'll get him some. He makes it his personal mission to flag this guy down. The jumbo tron camera keeps zooming the crowd and I can just see it now - my son waving like a maniac but at least people will think he's just cheering.
We make it until halftime with out too many issues. The grandma behind us gave the kids suckers, she must have been worried he was really gonna pass out. His was gone in 2.7 seconds while my daughter had to scope out the grandma and witness her own grandkids eating them to make sure they weren't poison before she ate her's. Maybe she was making sure her brother didn't pass out from it first?
Halftime leads to a walk, snacks and drinks. Can I just say that next time, I'm smuggling in food instead of ponchos. We come back to our seats to see it had rained a few drops. My son is so disappointed he didn't get to put on his poncho. One drop hits his arm and he declares that he's soaked and wants to get the poncho on. The man in front of us thinks this is hilarious. I don't because I know we'll never be able to fold it up again and there is no way my husband is throwing away a poncho that cost 99 cents if it didn't even get used a sufficient amount of time.
More complaining, a few touchdowns, snacks eaten and we are finally to the last quarter. There was a time in there that it was tied and I started to panic that it was going to go into overtime. I've showed the kids the giant clock so they can't ask me "how much longer?" anymore. They don't understand why the blessed clock keeps stopping though and their dad has already explained 1st down to all of us at least 3 times and isn't about to explain anything else. I was thinking we'd be home around 5:00 and it's already 7:15 so obviously I'm clueless! We are just about home free with only 6 minutes left and then it takes a turn for the worse.
My daughter had gotten a new slap bracelet the day before at the book fair. It was the last day of the book fair and it was the last zebra striped bracelet and it was her last $2 - so basically it was fate that she was wearing it. She had continuously slapped it on her wrist throughout the game with me saying "please stop doing that" but apparently I don't know anything. She was in the process of slapping it on again and I gave her "the look" and she did it "just one more time" to be a brat and oops....God don't like ugly...and it went bouncing down the bleachers. It's rubber so it bounced quickly out of sight. Of course not as quickly as the drama unfolded. The bleachers are packed so we can't really see where it went. We ask the people in front of us that have had to listen to the complaining the entire time. They quickly look because they don't want it to get worse. Nope, it can't be found. I assure her that we will look after the game. As she watches the giant timer get closer to zero she's panicking because she knows with everyone moving, it's going to get kicked even further out of reach. How will she finish 5th grade without this zebra bracelet that's she's only had for one day and only gotten to slap 778 times? Luckily, as people start to leave, she has the chance to go down a few aisles and someone in front of us actually sees it and gets it for her. We thank him profusely for saving us a huge amount of drama and start the long journey back to the car with the bracelet firmly in place. (no more slapping, just wearing, because mom is always right.)
All in all, it was a nice day. The weather was beautiful. I think we ended up spending way more and didn't save any money by not getting a babysitter but we have our memories, right? My son's dreams were crushed that he didn't get on the big screen but he got kettle corn so that made up for it. And most importantly, we got to do something that my husband enjoyed.
He actually just asked what I was blogging about and I said the game. His reply was "Are you telling them how awesome it was?" Apparently we were at two different games.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Real Housewives of......
I don't watch much reality TV. It took me a long time to get over the break up of Nick and Jessica. Plus, I have enough drama in my life, I don't need to watch someone elses unfold. The other day I was flipping through the channels and watched a few minutes of The Real Housewives of someplace or other. I don't even know which one it was. Now, if you watch this show, maybe I need to give it more of a chance. I'm sure it's entertaining in it's own right but I just didn't get it. First of all, they are mega rich and super spoiled. Most of them just shop all day or plan elaborate dinner parties. They have a ton of plastic surgery, extensions, tons of jewelry, well you get the picture.
So I was thinking that maybe they need to make a REAL reality show of what a house wife really looks like. And another thing while I'm on my soapbox - no one calls us "house wife" anymore. It's stay at home mom now. Anyway - it could be a reality show called "The Real Stay at Home Moms of ....."
Episode #1 - Grocery shopping without showering. I mean really, who gets all fancy to get groceries? Not this mom. Getting $250 worth of groceries in the cart, out of the cart onto the belt, back into the cart and then unloaded at home. I'm not wasting one of my few "good shirts" on that. Sorry. If you see me at Wal-Mart, please excuse my appearance.
Episode #2 - Date night. Trying to figure out if you should see a movie or go to dinner. Seriously - if you don't have family close by to pawn your children off on, date night is expensive. A good babysitter is hard to find so you have to pay her well so she'll come back thus leaving you with the decision between dinner or a movie. You really want to see the latest blockbuster with your hubbie but wouldn't a dinner without cutting someone else's food be nice too? It's a tough one.
Episode #3 - Girls Night out - On these TV shows, it has moms going to these exclusive clubs with velvet ropes and partying it up in little black dresses and tons of bling. Now while that sounds fun, it just doesn't happen. A moms night out here is dinner and a movie. (because you can do both since the husband is home with the kids) Occasionally you will go out to a bar and hear a band but it's not like on TV. You aren't seeing celebrities and if you are, you're trying to get them to autograph something so you can auction it off at the next PTA school carnival.
Episode #4 - Playdates - whether it's meeting at the park, going on an outing, whatever. Someone's kid is always bratty. You just hope and pray that it's not yours. I'm the type of mom that has no problem yelling at my kids or correcting them if they are being brats. But you always have the mom that does nothing. That makes it really fun and this would be a great episode because when said mom leaves, all the other moms talk about her lack of discipline and bratty kid. Just keeping it real folks.
Episode #5 - Play dates with the entire family. It's really hard to find families to do stuff with. You and the other mom may click but not the kids or husband. The husbands may click but not the kids. Seriously, it's harder than finding a good gynecologist. My husband just loves when I set him up on play dates. We've had a few scary ones in the past. (mostly his fault for picking weirdos) If you can find a good match, stick with them. Stalk them if necessary.
Episode #6 - Traveling - ugh - I've blogged about this before. If there could be a camera mounted in our van, I'm sure there would be some great footage from fighting over movies, to mom getting carsick, to dad threatening to pull over. We don't have limos although the partition window would be nice while traveling. We don't have chaufers but if we did, he'd be driving my kids in a separate car.
Episode #7 - Elaborate dinner parties - um, no one does this. I LOVE to plan a party but I don't know anyone who throws an elaborate dinner party . First - what do you do with your kids while you have your party? Nobody wants to clean and cook and entertain. In reality - we are more of a cook out kind of crowd. I'd love to have a dinner party with a fancy table scape but if I invite my friends over for it, they are coming in jeans, not formal wear. (and my husband would be in jeans too)
Episode #8 - Laundry/cleaning day - my favorite day - not. We don't have maids or cleaning ladies. I would love a cleaning lady but that means I'd have to leave the house for a few hours while she comes to clean. I love a clean house, it's just getting it done that's a hang up for me. I'm sure the footage of me only vacuuming as far as the cord will reach in the hallway outlet would be funny. Luckily I have a small ranch home. Another great piece of footage would be me breaking the wash machine because I shoved too much in it. (true store, happened today) Fortunately my husband is a pro at hooking the tub back into place, it makes him feel needed. Or when the dishwasher floods the kitchen, you use dirty towels to mop up the water because clean ones would mean more laundry. Okay - so I'm a little jealous of them having cleaning ladies.
Episode #9 - Plastic surgery. Most real moms I know, just don't do it. First - who could afford it? Second - who wants to drive their kids to school wrapped up like a mummy because we had "work" done. Now I would love me some liposuction but who is going to take care of my kids while I recover. "Sorry kiddos - mommy can't bend over to tie your shoes because I just had all my fat sucked out." I'm sure that would be a nice story my son would repeat to everyone he met.
Episode #10 - Meal planning - I didn't really even see any of the Housewives eat (other than the dinner party). I'm assuming they probably don't cook? The probably don't have to plan meals around the 3 food that their kids eat I'm guessing?? I'm pretty adamant that we all sit down for dinner and share our day but my kids are picky. It's my own fault. I should just make them eat it. But really, sometimes it's just easier to slap together a PB&J and save the arguments. I'm sure footage of our dinners would be "real". My daughter complaining that she doesn't like what we are having even though she ate it the week before. She knows if she doesn't get something else instead, she'll have starved to death by morning. There is no way she can make it until breakfast. Then there would be my son, crying because his chicken isn't clean (meaning no grill marks). And heaven forbid he not have a clean utensil for EVERY item on his plate. No way can he use the same spoon for applesauce and potatoes. Are you kidding me!?
So while my life as a real stay at home mom probably isn't as glamorous as the TV shows, I wouldn't change it for anything. Granted, I'd like to add the limo and cleaning services but I'd still keep it real!
So I was thinking that maybe they need to make a REAL reality show of what a house wife really looks like. And another thing while I'm on my soapbox - no one calls us "house wife" anymore. It's stay at home mom now. Anyway - it could be a reality show called "The Real Stay at Home Moms of ....."
Episode #1 - Grocery shopping without showering. I mean really, who gets all fancy to get groceries? Not this mom. Getting $250 worth of groceries in the cart, out of the cart onto the belt, back into the cart and then unloaded at home. I'm not wasting one of my few "good shirts" on that. Sorry. If you see me at Wal-Mart, please excuse my appearance.
Episode #2 - Date night. Trying to figure out if you should see a movie or go to dinner. Seriously - if you don't have family close by to pawn your children off on, date night is expensive. A good babysitter is hard to find so you have to pay her well so she'll come back thus leaving you with the decision between dinner or a movie. You really want to see the latest blockbuster with your hubbie but wouldn't a dinner without cutting someone else's food be nice too? It's a tough one.
Episode #3 - Girls Night out - On these TV shows, it has moms going to these exclusive clubs with velvet ropes and partying it up in little black dresses and tons of bling. Now while that sounds fun, it just doesn't happen. A moms night out here is dinner and a movie. (because you can do both since the husband is home with the kids) Occasionally you will go out to a bar and hear a band but it's not like on TV. You aren't seeing celebrities and if you are, you're trying to get them to autograph something so you can auction it off at the next PTA school carnival.
Episode #4 - Playdates - whether it's meeting at the park, going on an outing, whatever. Someone's kid is always bratty. You just hope and pray that it's not yours. I'm the type of mom that has no problem yelling at my kids or correcting them if they are being brats. But you always have the mom that does nothing. That makes it really fun and this would be a great episode because when said mom leaves, all the other moms talk about her lack of discipline and bratty kid. Just keeping it real folks.
Episode #5 - Play dates with the entire family. It's really hard to find families to do stuff with. You and the other mom may click but not the kids or husband. The husbands may click but not the kids. Seriously, it's harder than finding a good gynecologist. My husband just loves when I set him up on play dates. We've had a few scary ones in the past. (mostly his fault for picking weirdos) If you can find a good match, stick with them. Stalk them if necessary.
Episode #6 - Traveling - ugh - I've blogged about this before. If there could be a camera mounted in our van, I'm sure there would be some great footage from fighting over movies, to mom getting carsick, to dad threatening to pull over. We don't have limos although the partition window would be nice while traveling. We don't have chaufers but if we did, he'd be driving my kids in a separate car.
Episode #7 - Elaborate dinner parties - um, no one does this. I LOVE to plan a party but I don't know anyone who throws an elaborate dinner party . First - what do you do with your kids while you have your party? Nobody wants to clean and cook and entertain. In reality - we are more of a cook out kind of crowd. I'd love to have a dinner party with a fancy table scape but if I invite my friends over for it, they are coming in jeans, not formal wear. (and my husband would be in jeans too)
Episode #8 - Laundry/cleaning day - my favorite day - not. We don't have maids or cleaning ladies. I would love a cleaning lady but that means I'd have to leave the house for a few hours while she comes to clean. I love a clean house, it's just getting it done that's a hang up for me. I'm sure the footage of me only vacuuming as far as the cord will reach in the hallway outlet would be funny. Luckily I have a small ranch home. Another great piece of footage would be me breaking the wash machine because I shoved too much in it. (true store, happened today) Fortunately my husband is a pro at hooking the tub back into place, it makes him feel needed. Or when the dishwasher floods the kitchen, you use dirty towels to mop up the water because clean ones would mean more laundry. Okay - so I'm a little jealous of them having cleaning ladies.
Episode #9 - Plastic surgery. Most real moms I know, just don't do it. First - who could afford it? Second - who wants to drive their kids to school wrapped up like a mummy because we had "work" done. Now I would love me some liposuction but who is going to take care of my kids while I recover. "Sorry kiddos - mommy can't bend over to tie your shoes because I just had all my fat sucked out." I'm sure that would be a nice story my son would repeat to everyone he met.
Episode #10 - Meal planning - I didn't really even see any of the Housewives eat (other than the dinner party). I'm assuming they probably don't cook? The probably don't have to plan meals around the 3 food that their kids eat I'm guessing?? I'm pretty adamant that we all sit down for dinner and share our day but my kids are picky. It's my own fault. I should just make them eat it. But really, sometimes it's just easier to slap together a PB&J and save the arguments. I'm sure footage of our dinners would be "real". My daughter complaining that she doesn't like what we are having even though she ate it the week before. She knows if she doesn't get something else instead, she'll have starved to death by morning. There is no way she can make it until breakfast. Then there would be my son, crying because his chicken isn't clean (meaning no grill marks). And heaven forbid he not have a clean utensil for EVERY item on his plate. No way can he use the same spoon for applesauce and potatoes. Are you kidding me!?
So while my life as a real stay at home mom probably isn't as glamorous as the TV shows, I wouldn't change it for anything. Granted, I'd like to add the limo and cleaning services but I'd still keep it real!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Breastfeeding 101
This past weekend, we were able to introduce my son to his new cousin. My brother and his wife recently had the most beautiful baby girl. Now my daughter was 4 when her brother was born so she remembers most of the baby "stuff" so she didn't ask any questions. However, for my 6 yr. old son, this is the first baby that he can remember coming into the family. He was full of questions ranging from how does the baby breath to how does it come out? Luckily, most of the were answered pretty vaguely and we changed the subject.
While we were visiting, my sister in law had to feed the baby. Since she is breastfeeding, she went into the baby's room and closed the door for a little privacy. My son was a little mad he wasn't invited in but then again he was also mad that we wouldn't let him carry a 6 lb. 2 week old baby around the house so I just blew it off.
A few days later he asked why he wasn't allowed to give the baby her bottle. I explained that she didn't take a bottle because his aunt was breastfeeding. (Thinking back I should have just said "Because it wasn't your turn" but no, I had to go and be honest.) Of course, breastfeeding is a new word that needed explanation. He immediately began firing questions at me.
What is breastfeeding? Well son, when a mom has a baby, God puts milk into her boobs for the baby.
Why? Well that's how God made mommies.
Can Dad's have milk in their boobs? No, because they can't have babies.
How does the milk come out? Well, the baby has to suck on the mommy just like a bottle and the milk comes out.
WHAT? ARE YOU JOKING ME MOM? No son, it's not a big deal.
Did I do that when I was a baby? Yes, but only for a few weeks.
WHAT? (he's now gagging over the garbage can) THAT IS SO DISGUSTING! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT? Because it's really healthy for babies.
MOM - SERIOUSLY THAT IS SO SO GROSS (still gagging).
By this point, I'm pretty sure I've scarred him for life but I'm still cracking up. I change the subject and tell him to go play.
About an hour later he comes in the kitchen.
Mom - that milk that's in her boobs??? Can anyone take a drink of that???
UMMM - NO. Do not ask your aunt for a drink of breast milk. That is just special for the baby.
While we were visiting, my sister in law had to feed the baby. Since she is breastfeeding, she went into the baby's room and closed the door for a little privacy. My son was a little mad he wasn't invited in but then again he was also mad that we wouldn't let him carry a 6 lb. 2 week old baby around the house so I just blew it off.
A few days later he asked why he wasn't allowed to give the baby her bottle. I explained that she didn't take a bottle because his aunt was breastfeeding. (Thinking back I should have just said "Because it wasn't your turn" but no, I had to go and be honest.) Of course, breastfeeding is a new word that needed explanation. He immediately began firing questions at me.
What is breastfeeding? Well son, when a mom has a baby, God puts milk into her boobs for the baby.
Why? Well that's how God made mommies.
Can Dad's have milk in their boobs? No, because they can't have babies.
How does the milk come out? Well, the baby has to suck on the mommy just like a bottle and the milk comes out.
WHAT? ARE YOU JOKING ME MOM? No son, it's not a big deal.
Did I do that when I was a baby? Yes, but only for a few weeks.
WHAT? (he's now gagging over the garbage can) THAT IS SO DISGUSTING! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT? Because it's really healthy for babies.
MOM - SERIOUSLY THAT IS SO SO GROSS (still gagging).
By this point, I'm pretty sure I've scarred him for life but I'm still cracking up. I change the subject and tell him to go play.
About an hour later he comes in the kitchen.
Mom - that milk that's in her boobs??? Can anyone take a drink of that???
UMMM - NO. Do not ask your aunt for a drink of breast milk. That is just special for the baby.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The missing ball...
Warning - if you are easily offended or of a younger age, don't read this....
One day my kids are gonna read this and are probably going to be quite mad that I shared all this information with the world (mostly my son). As a stay at home mom, I feel that it's one of my duties to entertain you all though so he'll just have to deal. Plus, at some point, this stuff gets kinda bizarre and just in case it's also going on in your house, I want you to know it's completely normal. We may look like a "normal" family on the outside but we are just as messed up as everyone else. On a bad day, we are a mix of "Kate plus 8" minus most of the psycho and 6 of the kids. On a good day, we're just your ordinary family with a side of crazy.
My son came home the other day complaining that his "bad spot" hurt. His bad spot is his private area. He calls it that because one day he got hit there and said "it hurt so bad" thus naming it the bad spot. He complained a little after school and then had soccer which made it worse. My kids are hypochondriacs (not sure where they get it) so I didn't think much of it. One minute he was running around, the next he was crying that his bad spot hurt. So like a good mom, I had him get it out so I could examine it. I really didn't know what I was looking for so I called Dad into the examing room (aka - kitchen). He declared everything was fine. I gave him some tylenol and sent him to bed.
I just chalked it up to a sore muscle and didn't think much about it. About 20 minutes after I tucked my son in, he comes back out to the living room. This is how it went down from there....
"Mom, I know why my bad spot hurts."
"Why honey?"
"Welllllll, usually there are two balls in it and I can only find one. Sooooo, I must have lost one of those balls!"
What does a mother say to this other than go wash your hands because obviously they've been in your pants! I assured him that no, he did not lose a ball and sent him back to bed. Of course, we were cracking up!
The next day I'm on the phone talking to a friend who has 2 sons and tell her the story. She points out that it could possibly be a hernia! What? My mind starts racing....he's going to have to have surgery, he's never been put under, he'll miss school and it already took him 46 minutes to learn 3 spelling words, how is he going to catch up, he will miss soccer season, etc. Yes, that is how my mind works. As soon as my husband comes home I ask him if it's a hernia and he just laughs. Apparently, I have no idea what I'm talking about and the boy is fine. Phew - I already had a pediatric urologist on speed dial.
Come to find out, all I needed to do was ask my son because the missing ball had returned that morning.
One day my kids are gonna read this and are probably going to be quite mad that I shared all this information with the world (mostly my son). As a stay at home mom, I feel that it's one of my duties to entertain you all though so he'll just have to deal. Plus, at some point, this stuff gets kinda bizarre and just in case it's also going on in your house, I want you to know it's completely normal. We may look like a "normal" family on the outside but we are just as messed up as everyone else. On a bad day, we are a mix of "Kate plus 8" minus most of the psycho and 6 of the kids. On a good day, we're just your ordinary family with a side of crazy.
My son came home the other day complaining that his "bad spot" hurt. His bad spot is his private area. He calls it that because one day he got hit there and said "it hurt so bad" thus naming it the bad spot. He complained a little after school and then had soccer which made it worse. My kids are hypochondriacs (not sure where they get it) so I didn't think much of it. One minute he was running around, the next he was crying that his bad spot hurt. So like a good mom, I had him get it out so I could examine it. I really didn't know what I was looking for so I called Dad into the examing room (aka - kitchen). He declared everything was fine. I gave him some tylenol and sent him to bed.
I just chalked it up to a sore muscle and didn't think much about it. About 20 minutes after I tucked my son in, he comes back out to the living room. This is how it went down from there....
"Mom, I know why my bad spot hurts."
"Why honey?"
"Welllllll, usually there are two balls in it and I can only find one. Sooooo, I must have lost one of those balls!"
What does a mother say to this other than go wash your hands because obviously they've been in your pants! I assured him that no, he did not lose a ball and sent him back to bed. Of course, we were cracking up!
The next day I'm on the phone talking to a friend who has 2 sons and tell her the story. She points out that it could possibly be a hernia! What? My mind starts racing....he's going to have to have surgery, he's never been put under, he'll miss school and it already took him 46 minutes to learn 3 spelling words, how is he going to catch up, he will miss soccer season, etc. Yes, that is how my mind works. As soon as my husband comes home I ask him if it's a hernia and he just laughs. Apparently, I have no idea what I'm talking about and the boy is fine. Phew - I already had a pediatric urologist on speed dial.
Come to find out, all I needed to do was ask my son because the missing ball had returned that morning.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Are we there yet?
This past weekend we traveled about 6 hours north to a family wedding. For the most part, my kids are pretty good travelers. How good do kids have it these days? Seriously - reclining, bucket seats, their DS, movies, Ipods?? So much better than when I was a kid. We basically had a book and for me, that wasn't an option because I got car sick. Car trips for me meant either sleeping or staring straight ahead. Fun times, especially with an older sister who would trick you into looking out the binoculars thus making you vomit, and a younger brother using your leg as part of the wrestling ring for the duffel bag of wrestlers that is sharing the seat with you. Anyway, my kids have it made....there is a point to all of this.
So we got the kids out of school right after lunch. My thinking is that they would be fed and tired from recess. For the most part, they were great. However, it did take them a while to get in their "zone".
The van is loaded up...we have luggage, snacks, activities, pillows, etc. Everything needed for a successful day of travel. It's 12:22. The GPS is ready - arrival time says 5:58 PM.
The boy decides to sit in the back row away from his sister. He turns on the movie Rio and is good to go. My daughter is in the middle row and decides to do her homework. Ahhhhhhh, I have such wonderful children. And then it starts....
"MOM - HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO GET THERE?" comes a scream from the back row. He has his headphones on so of course, he's talking loud enough that every car within 7 miles can hear him.
"QUIT SCREAMING - WE CAN HEAR YOU FINE" from the daugher...."I'M TRYING TO DO MY HOMEWORK"
"WHAT?"
"I SAID QUIT SCREAMING"
"WHAT?"
"I SAID QUIT SCREAMING:
"WHAT?"
This goes on for about 10 more rounds before he finally removes the headphones. By this point, my daughter has freaked out because she needs complete silence to do her homework. She can't get comfortable. She's yelling at her brother who doesn't even know what he did wrong. I'm trying to yell over her to tell him to stop yelling. It's 12:27 and we've traveled 2.3 miles. I'm thinking their allergies seem bad and they may need Benadryl. Don't judge people.
Everyone gets calmed down and back to quiet for about 10 min. And then from the back row...
"MOM -HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO GET THERE?"
And here we go again. But I realize with all the yelling, his question didn't get asked earlier.
"SERIOUSLY - CAN YOU JUST TALK LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING?" is shouted from the middle row.
At this point, it's going to be a long trip until Dad pipes up and tells them to all be quiet and calm down. I'm wondering why he didn't do this 7 miles ago because when Dad talks, everyone listens. (even me sometimes!) I just turn and look at him and say "You know, this is a blog entry waiting to happen!"
So we are about 20 minutes into the trip. Everyone is finally settled into their zone and it's going well. This actually continues for a long time. I'm texting my sister in law and am totally jealous that she's in another car 2 hours ahead of us with total silence but really, things are going okay. I have my memory foam pillow, I'm just drifting off into a little nap and from the back row,
"MOM - I'M THIRSTY AND HUNGRY"
By this point we are over half way there. Trying to be healthier and save some money, I packed a picnic. My plan was to stop and eat and let the kids run around at a playground. So we stop and get the cooler out. My son says "Mom, you know I can't eat outside. There are flies outside and if a fly lands on your food, it will poop on it and I'm not eating fly poop." So much for my planning. He did eat about 3 bites and then took off to play.
Back on the road, the GPS now say arrival time of 6:38. Every time that number pushes back, I cry a little inside.
The boy is now watching Rio for the 3rd time. He ended up watching it for about 12 hours that weekend. He wasn't complaining so I wasn't about to rock the boat.
10 miles down the road -
"MOM - I'M HUNGRY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY LUNCH. CAN I HAVE A SNACK"
Seriously, you can see where the rest of this is going....
We had a few other bumps in the road. My husband had the air on so cold that my face almost froze. The plus side was when I got out of the car, it was frozen almost like I had Botox. Unfortunately, it thawed. For the most part, it went fine though. I only had to yell a few times, the husband only had to yell once. All in all, it was a great trip.
My friends and family tease that I'm so organized and such a "Martha Stewart" (minus the prison time). I really do try and plan and be organized but it usually just falls apart in front of me. I actually shocked (or maybe impressed) some friends a few weekends ago by yelling at my kids. I guess I didn't realize that they had never heard me do that since it's such a common occurence around here. Trust me, you'd see a whole lot of yelling if you were a fly on the wall....just don't land on my son's food.
So we got the kids out of school right after lunch. My thinking is that they would be fed and tired from recess. For the most part, they were great. However, it did take them a while to get in their "zone".
The van is loaded up...we have luggage, snacks, activities, pillows, etc. Everything needed for a successful day of travel. It's 12:22. The GPS is ready - arrival time says 5:58 PM.
The boy decides to sit in the back row away from his sister. He turns on the movie Rio and is good to go. My daughter is in the middle row and decides to do her homework. Ahhhhhhh, I have such wonderful children. And then it starts....
"MOM - HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO GET THERE?" comes a scream from the back row. He has his headphones on so of course, he's talking loud enough that every car within 7 miles can hear him.
"QUIT SCREAMING - WE CAN HEAR YOU FINE" from the daugher...."I'M TRYING TO DO MY HOMEWORK"
"WHAT?"
"I SAID QUIT SCREAMING"
"WHAT?"
"I SAID QUIT SCREAMING:
"WHAT?"
This goes on for about 10 more rounds before he finally removes the headphones. By this point, my daughter has freaked out because she needs complete silence to do her homework. She can't get comfortable. She's yelling at her brother who doesn't even know what he did wrong. I'm trying to yell over her to tell him to stop yelling. It's 12:27 and we've traveled 2.3 miles. I'm thinking their allergies seem bad and they may need Benadryl. Don't judge people.
Everyone gets calmed down and back to quiet for about 10 min. And then from the back row...
"MOM -HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO GET THERE?"
And here we go again. But I realize with all the yelling, his question didn't get asked earlier.
"SERIOUSLY - CAN YOU JUST TALK LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING?" is shouted from the middle row.
At this point, it's going to be a long trip until Dad pipes up and tells them to all be quiet and calm down. I'm wondering why he didn't do this 7 miles ago because when Dad talks, everyone listens. (even me sometimes!) I just turn and look at him and say "You know, this is a blog entry waiting to happen!"
So we are about 20 minutes into the trip. Everyone is finally settled into their zone and it's going well. This actually continues for a long time. I'm texting my sister in law and am totally jealous that she's in another car 2 hours ahead of us with total silence but really, things are going okay. I have my memory foam pillow, I'm just drifting off into a little nap and from the back row,
"MOM - I'M THIRSTY AND HUNGRY"
By this point we are over half way there. Trying to be healthier and save some money, I packed a picnic. My plan was to stop and eat and let the kids run around at a playground. So we stop and get the cooler out. My son says "Mom, you know I can't eat outside. There are flies outside and if a fly lands on your food, it will poop on it and I'm not eating fly poop." So much for my planning. He did eat about 3 bites and then took off to play.
Back on the road, the GPS now say arrival time of 6:38. Every time that number pushes back, I cry a little inside.
The boy is now watching Rio for the 3rd time. He ended up watching it for about 12 hours that weekend. He wasn't complaining so I wasn't about to rock the boat.
10 miles down the road -
"MOM - I'M HUNGRY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY LUNCH. CAN I HAVE A SNACK"
Seriously, you can see where the rest of this is going....
We had a few other bumps in the road. My husband had the air on so cold that my face almost froze. The plus side was when I got out of the car, it was frozen almost like I had Botox. Unfortunately, it thawed. For the most part, it went fine though. I only had to yell a few times, the husband only had to yell once. All in all, it was a great trip.
My friends and family tease that I'm so organized and such a "Martha Stewart" (minus the prison time). I really do try and plan and be organized but it usually just falls apart in front of me. I actually shocked (or maybe impressed) some friends a few weekends ago by yelling at my kids. I guess I didn't realize that they had never heard me do that since it's such a common occurence around here. Trust me, you'd see a whole lot of yelling if you were a fly on the wall....just don't land on my son's food.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I wanna be a hobo when I grow up....
My son's very favorite thing in life is cardboard and masking tape. He will spend hours making projects out of these two things. That being said...enjoy! My son has decided that his new favorite word is Hobo. He calls pretty much everything a hobo from me, to the dog, to his sister, etc. I'm not sure where he has even heard that word. It's not one I've used except maybe when I tell them how their Dad was a Hobo one Halloween. Anyway, it just started yesterday and I swear I've heard the word Hobo 257 times already today. He's even starting to use it as a verb like "Hey, I'm gonna hobo this ball in the air" or even an adjective like "Hey, shut your hobo face". (he got in trouble for that one!)
So after being called a hobo enough times, his sister asked him if he even knew what it meant. This is how it went down...
Him - "You're a big hobo face"
Her - "Do you even know what a hobo is?"
Him - "um....yeah"
Her - "Then what is it?"
Him - "Um, I don't know. Mom, what's a hobo?"
Me - "Well, it's someone who doesn't have a home. They don't have a job so they can't pay for a house, they are homeless."
Him - "So where do they sleep and eat."
Me - "Well, they have to sleep outside. Sometimes they don't have any food. They have to find their own food or go hungry."
At this point, he looks kinda sad then his sister says...
"Yeah - they have to live in a cardboard box and hunt for their own food"
Him - "Sweeeeeeet - I want to be a hobo! I can go build my house right now with my cardboard! Mom, can I be a hobo when I grow up?"
How does a mom answer that without crushing all his dreams?
So after being called a hobo enough times, his sister asked him if he even knew what it meant. This is how it went down...
Him - "You're a big hobo face"
Her - "Do you even know what a hobo is?"
Him - "um....yeah"
Her - "Then what is it?"
Him - "Um, I don't know. Mom, what's a hobo?"
Me - "Well, it's someone who doesn't have a home. They don't have a job so they can't pay for a house, they are homeless."
Him - "So where do they sleep and eat."
Me - "Well, they have to sleep outside. Sometimes they don't have any food. They have to find their own food or go hungry."
At this point, he looks kinda sad then his sister says...
"Yeah - they have to live in a cardboard box and hunt for their own food"
Him - "Sweeeeeeet - I want to be a hobo! I can go build my house right now with my cardboard! Mom, can I be a hobo when I grow up?"
How does a mom answer that without crushing all his dreams?
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Goon Magnet
I guess things have been boring around here because I haven't blogged in a while. That or I just don't have any poop stories worth sharing. We've been crazy busy so maybe that's why there haven't been any crazy antics happening. Today the whole family went to lunch and to run some errands. I pretty much can't go in public without making a new friend. I am a goon magnet. I come by it naturally. My mom also possesses the goon magnet jean and I can already tell that I'm passing it on to Libby. I'm not embarrassed about it folks. What can I say? I have a friendly face. The problem is that sometimes, I can't just walk away. I'm just too nice. (For those of you that have heard I'm only nice 2 hours a day and I never waste it on my husband, obviously, he's lying.)
Anyway, usually my goon magnet-ness doesn't get me in trouble. But sometimes, it leads to awkward situations. For example, let me tell you about today...
We went out for lunch and I needed to go wash my hands. I'm standing at the sink, lathering up when in walks a nice woman. I pay no attention and then she starts talking to me. Of course, I have to partake in the conversation. She's a nice African American lady and looks pretty harmless in her halter style sundress. This is what she says :
"Girl, don't think that I'm crazy when you see what I'm about to do!"
At this point - I probably should have just left. Will I never learn?
She proceeds to pull a bra out of a shopping bag and take the tags off of it.
"Today is my birthday and my sister doesn't believe that I'm a 36DD so she bought me this bra. I'm gonna try it on and prove to her that it fits."
I'm drying my hands and wish her happy birthday (remember - I'm nice, it's what I do). I'm thinking she's going to go into one of the stalls. Wrong. Down comes the halter dress.
At this point, I'm shocked. AWKWARD! The bad part is, she's still talking to me and I can't just walk away! What to do, what to do? Luckily, she stops talking to take her other bra off and I wish her good luck and dart out. Yes, I wished her good luck! It was a nice bra - for her sake, I'm hoping it fit!
Anyway, I get back to the table and start laughing. I tell the husband that I just saw some boobies and of course he just laughs and says "Goon Magnet".
Not 20 min. later, we are getting groceries and some lady asks if she can borrow my husband for a minute. I tell her she can have him for much longer than that but she just needed him to reach 15 different yogurts that she couldn't get to! He loves when my goon magnet-ness effects him!
All that being said, I really don't mind being a goon magnet. Granted, I've met some real doozies but I've also helped lots of people too. Sometimes it's an extra 20 minutes at the store because I can't walk away from the old lady telling me about what brand of toilet paper she prefers. But that's okay. Maybe I was the only one she got to talk to that day. Maybe that makes me a goon too but you know what? I'm okay with that too. Trust me, I've been called a lot worse!
Anyway, usually my goon magnet-ness doesn't get me in trouble. But sometimes, it leads to awkward situations. For example, let me tell you about today...
We went out for lunch and I needed to go wash my hands. I'm standing at the sink, lathering up when in walks a nice woman. I pay no attention and then she starts talking to me. Of course, I have to partake in the conversation. She's a nice African American lady and looks pretty harmless in her halter style sundress. This is what she says :
"Girl, don't think that I'm crazy when you see what I'm about to do!"
At this point - I probably should have just left. Will I never learn?
She proceeds to pull a bra out of a shopping bag and take the tags off of it.
"Today is my birthday and my sister doesn't believe that I'm a 36DD so she bought me this bra. I'm gonna try it on and prove to her that it fits."
I'm drying my hands and wish her happy birthday (remember - I'm nice, it's what I do). I'm thinking she's going to go into one of the stalls. Wrong. Down comes the halter dress.
At this point, I'm shocked. AWKWARD! The bad part is, she's still talking to me and I can't just walk away! What to do, what to do? Luckily, she stops talking to take her other bra off and I wish her good luck and dart out. Yes, I wished her good luck! It was a nice bra - for her sake, I'm hoping it fit!
Anyway, I get back to the table and start laughing. I tell the husband that I just saw some boobies and of course he just laughs and says "Goon Magnet".
Not 20 min. later, we are getting groceries and some lady asks if she can borrow my husband for a minute. I tell her she can have him for much longer than that but she just needed him to reach 15 different yogurts that she couldn't get to! He loves when my goon magnet-ness effects him!
All that being said, I really don't mind being a goon magnet. Granted, I've met some real doozies but I've also helped lots of people too. Sometimes it's an extra 20 minutes at the store because I can't walk away from the old lady telling me about what brand of toilet paper she prefers. But that's okay. Maybe I was the only one she got to talk to that day. Maybe that makes me a goon too but you know what? I'm okay with that too. Trust me, I've been called a lot worse!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Random bits and another poop story
I would like to start off by saying that my husband doesn't think I'm funny. I know - very hard to believe but as I type this, I'm reminded that after 16 years together, I don't think he's that hilarious any more either. Granted, he is a funny guy. Just ask him, he'll tell you. He's hilarious. And while I think we've gotten "comfortable" with each other's sense of humor, I would like to have you all do me a favor. When you see my husband, please tell him how hilarious his wife is and how funny you think these posts are. Okay? Thanks!
So we haven't had a lot of excitement around here lately which I'm thankful for so I thought I'd just share a few random tidbits/quotes of our recent happenings.
*I have threatened to send the kids to "sleep away" camp (with no phones) at least 237 times (on Monday alone.)
*They aren't scared.
*I have threatened to go to "Mommy sleep away" camp (with no phones) at least 235 times (on Tuesday)
*This scared them a little.
*Took a 3 day jaunt to St. Louis. My husband said we were going to be St. Lunatics (187 times) but we behaved and everyone had a good time. I chickened out on the Arch and was then scolded and told that I would have to stay home by myself on the next trip if I was going to be a big baby. Hmmm - home alone for several days???? No, we wouldn't want that!
*My giant 6 yr. old son is currently swaddled in a queen size blanket in flannel pajamas. Yes, it's the end of June. It was freezing at swim lessons. And for those that know me well, he will always be my baby boy and I may still be swaddling him in high school. (If I am - please get me help.)
*We are getting ready to embark on a home project. I use the term "we" very loosely here. I will basically just stand around until he needs something and then get yelled at when I hand him the wrong tool. If he would just call the Phillips screwdriver the star tip, a lot of yelling wouldn't happen.
*I am dreading the above project.
*I may need to leave next week.
*My son just took his pants off and threw then out of his "swaddling" Guess it's getting hot in there.
*Yesterday he got in trouble and after I scolded him he said "Mom, you just don't get it. My brain has a different program in it and I just have to act this way." How do you reply to that?
Like I said, not much happening around these parts so let me wrap up with another fun poop story. (Andy - this is for you!)
Yesterday it was beautiful outside. The kids were opening windows and the daughter noticed that the dog had pooped on the driveway right behind the van. I didn't believe her and thought maybe it was a leaf. Well it was windy and that "leaf" wasn't blowing away. My son, being the expert on scat, decided he would inspect. He goes outside and yells from the driveway, "Mom, it IS poop!"
I don't remember the dog ever doing this and it's seriously right behind my tire. I think she was mad at us about something. Maybe she just has bad aim, I don't know. Anyway, I go about my business and figure I'll clean in up later. Well it was pretty windy out and our garage was open. If you've seen our garage you know that it's not the most orderly thing. I hear something rolling around and by time I go to see what it is I hear...."mom, the can of sunscreen rolled out of the garage and landed in the pile of poop"
Now at first, I don't believe it because that means it would have had to roll down our slightly sloped driveway and make a 90 degree turn behind the van and end up in the poop. Well, it did just that. I swear the dog grinned as I was cleaning it up.
So we haven't had a lot of excitement around here lately which I'm thankful for so I thought I'd just share a few random tidbits/quotes of our recent happenings.
*I have threatened to send the kids to "sleep away" camp (with no phones) at least 237 times (on Monday alone.)
*They aren't scared.
*I have threatened to go to "Mommy sleep away" camp (with no phones) at least 235 times (on Tuesday)
*This scared them a little.
*Took a 3 day jaunt to St. Louis. My husband said we were going to be St. Lunatics (187 times) but we behaved and everyone had a good time. I chickened out on the Arch and was then scolded and told that I would have to stay home by myself on the next trip if I was going to be a big baby. Hmmm - home alone for several days???? No, we wouldn't want that!
*My giant 6 yr. old son is currently swaddled in a queen size blanket in flannel pajamas. Yes, it's the end of June. It was freezing at swim lessons. And for those that know me well, he will always be my baby boy and I may still be swaddling him in high school. (If I am - please get me help.)
*We are getting ready to embark on a home project. I use the term "we" very loosely here. I will basically just stand around until he needs something and then get yelled at when I hand him the wrong tool. If he would just call the Phillips screwdriver the star tip, a lot of yelling wouldn't happen.
*I am dreading the above project.
*I may need to leave next week.
*My son just took his pants off and threw then out of his "swaddling" Guess it's getting hot in there.
*Yesterday he got in trouble and after I scolded him he said "Mom, you just don't get it. My brain has a different program in it and I just have to act this way." How do you reply to that?
Like I said, not much happening around these parts so let me wrap up with another fun poop story. (Andy - this is for you!)
Yesterday it was beautiful outside. The kids were opening windows and the daughter noticed that the dog had pooped on the driveway right behind the van. I didn't believe her and thought maybe it was a leaf. Well it was windy and that "leaf" wasn't blowing away. My son, being the expert on scat, decided he would inspect. He goes outside and yells from the driveway, "Mom, it IS poop!"
I don't remember the dog ever doing this and it's seriously right behind my tire. I think she was mad at us about something. Maybe she just has bad aim, I don't know. Anyway, I go about my business and figure I'll clean in up later. Well it was pretty windy out and our garage was open. If you've seen our garage you know that it's not the most orderly thing. I hear something rolling around and by time I go to see what it is I hear...."mom, the can of sunscreen rolled out of the garage and landed in the pile of poop"
Now at first, I don't believe it because that means it would have had to roll down our slightly sloped driveway and make a 90 degree turn behind the van and end up in the poop. Well, it did just that. I swear the dog grinned as I was cleaning it up.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Not a Lady of Leisure
My husband likes to call me a Lady of Leisure. Let me just recap my morning for you and get your opinion on that title. Keep in mind, it's only 10:44 AM.
The morning started off peaceful enough. I got to sleep until 8:30 which is late considering my children are 10 and 6 and still haven't figured out how to pour a bowl of cereal. The house is a disaster so I'm mentally planning a big day of cleaning. I know the kids want vacation money for when we leave on Sunday so this is the perfect time to solicit help. The chore chart is up and I start to rattle off my demands. I have my diet Dr. Pepper chilling in my Tervis Tumbler - today is gonna be a productive day.
The morning takes the first turn for the worse when I hear a slap coming from the pantry. Apparently my crusty eyed, still sleepy son can't pick a cereal fast enough for his high maintenance sister so she slaps him on the arm. He's bawling, she's scowling because she knows I heard the slap and I'm not happy. Luckily, everyone finds their cereal and we move on. I've already got laundry going and a cake in the oven.
Breakfast done, we start on chores. First up for me - remove sticker tape from a baton for tonight's dance recital rehearsal. Because, apparently, we need to put this super sticky tape on every girl's baton only to make the parent's have to remove it 9 months later. I guess their name engraved on the metal isn't enough, they also have to be color coded??? Stupid. Anyway, I got the tape off and go to the garage to get the lighter fluid. My brilliant husband is too cheap to buy Goo Gone so we have to use toxic lighter fluid to remove sticky stuff. Even though I've asked where this is (on the highest shelf in the garage), my husband doesn't bother to get it down but conveniently leaves the ladder there for me. (Probably because he knows if not, I'll just use the broom and swipe it off!) The dog runs out to the garage with me but I don't open the door because I haven't gotten dressed yet. I'm up on the ladder when the dog freaks out (she hears a strange car go by thanks to the million garage sales going on today). She's heading for the ladder and I can just picture myself sprawled out in my pajamas with a broken leg. I ended up dropping the full bottle of lighter fluid where it bust open and sprays all over the garage. Fabulous. It's now 9:30 and my cake timer is going off and I'm thinking the garage is going to explode. Should I go round up scrapbooks and head for the hills?
I call the husband at work to see if the garage is going to explode and he replies "Only if you throw a match on it" so I feel pretty safe. However, my daughter hears and is bawling because we are going to blow up. I have no idea where she gets the dramatics. Cake out of the oven, I put on a bra and head to the garage to clean up the mess. I'm just about done when I hear "it's not my poop, it's your's" Music to a mother's ears.
I walk in, the kids have the music blaring (I had turned it on to clean to), so they are dancing when the girl notices a piece of poop on the floor. I still have no idea where it came from but there was also some on her brother's leg so I'm assuming he's the pooper. He has mad wiping skillz. At this point, I'm just happy that she wasn't doing one of her spinning moves and hasn't gotten any on her. I now clean up that mess and put the pooper in the tub with strict orders not to get out without my permission. I continue in the garage with the clean up.
It's now 10:15. One is in the tub screaming "mom" every 17 seconds. The other is in her room bawling because she can't come out until it's clean. I don't understand why she wants to come out anyway. She's grounded from the TV for slapping her brother anyway. Wish someone would send me to my room. She's now gagging because she's thinking of the dance rehearsal and claims she needs to come out and puke because she's nervous. I conveniently point out that there is a bucket in her room already since she also claimed she was going to puke then.
So....two loads of laundry done, one cake baked, dishes unloaded and reloaded, beds made, poop detail done, explosives in garage cleaned up, one bath taken, 3 phone calls made....I really do love my life of leisure. Just wish is was a little more leisurely!
PS - anyone have any Goo B Gone??
The morning started off peaceful enough. I got to sleep until 8:30 which is late considering my children are 10 and 6 and still haven't figured out how to pour a bowl of cereal. The house is a disaster so I'm mentally planning a big day of cleaning. I know the kids want vacation money for when we leave on Sunday so this is the perfect time to solicit help. The chore chart is up and I start to rattle off my demands. I have my diet Dr. Pepper chilling in my Tervis Tumbler - today is gonna be a productive day.
The morning takes the first turn for the worse when I hear a slap coming from the pantry. Apparently my crusty eyed, still sleepy son can't pick a cereal fast enough for his high maintenance sister so she slaps him on the arm. He's bawling, she's scowling because she knows I heard the slap and I'm not happy. Luckily, everyone finds their cereal and we move on. I've already got laundry going and a cake in the oven.
Breakfast done, we start on chores. First up for me - remove sticker tape from a baton for tonight's dance recital rehearsal. Because, apparently, we need to put this super sticky tape on every girl's baton only to make the parent's have to remove it 9 months later. I guess their name engraved on the metal isn't enough, they also have to be color coded??? Stupid. Anyway, I got the tape off and go to the garage to get the lighter fluid. My brilliant husband is too cheap to buy Goo Gone so we have to use toxic lighter fluid to remove sticky stuff. Even though I've asked where this is (on the highest shelf in the garage), my husband doesn't bother to get it down but conveniently leaves the ladder there for me. (Probably because he knows if not, I'll just use the broom and swipe it off!) The dog runs out to the garage with me but I don't open the door because I haven't gotten dressed yet. I'm up on the ladder when the dog freaks out (she hears a strange car go by thanks to the million garage sales going on today). She's heading for the ladder and I can just picture myself sprawled out in my pajamas with a broken leg. I ended up dropping the full bottle of lighter fluid where it bust open and sprays all over the garage. Fabulous. It's now 9:30 and my cake timer is going off and I'm thinking the garage is going to explode. Should I go round up scrapbooks and head for the hills?
I call the husband at work to see if the garage is going to explode and he replies "Only if you throw a match on it" so I feel pretty safe. However, my daughter hears and is bawling because we are going to blow up. I have no idea where she gets the dramatics. Cake out of the oven, I put on a bra and head to the garage to clean up the mess. I'm just about done when I hear "it's not my poop, it's your's" Music to a mother's ears.
I walk in, the kids have the music blaring (I had turned it on to clean to), so they are dancing when the girl notices a piece of poop on the floor. I still have no idea where it came from but there was also some on her brother's leg so I'm assuming he's the pooper. He has mad wiping skillz. At this point, I'm just happy that she wasn't doing one of her spinning moves and hasn't gotten any on her. I now clean up that mess and put the pooper in the tub with strict orders not to get out without my permission. I continue in the garage with the clean up.
It's now 10:15. One is in the tub screaming "mom" every 17 seconds. The other is in her room bawling because she can't come out until it's clean. I don't understand why she wants to come out anyway. She's grounded from the TV for slapping her brother anyway. Wish someone would send me to my room. She's now gagging because she's thinking of the dance rehearsal and claims she needs to come out and puke because she's nervous. I conveniently point out that there is a bucket in her room already since she also claimed she was going to puke then.
So....two loads of laundry done, one cake baked, dishes unloaded and reloaded, beds made, poop detail done, explosives in garage cleaned up, one bath taken, 3 phone calls made....I really do love my life of leisure. Just wish is was a little more leisurely!
PS - anyone have any Goo B Gone??
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