That's OKAY!

One of the things I enjoy most about my day is dinner time.  Not because I've slaved over a stove and at least one person is complaining about what we are having, but more so because I believe in family dinner every night.  As my kids have gotten older and schedules have conflicted with this, I feel it's even more important for all 4 of us to sit and have dinner together as many nights as possible.  This is when I try and ask questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no.  We talk about our day, the good, the bad and the ugly parts.  This is usually when I hear stories about what happened at school, who got in trouble, what's going on the next day, about homework, etc.  It's the one hour in our busy lives where we are all connected.

Sometimes are dinner conversations are mundane, sometimes they are funny and sometimes they prompt bigger conversations and make me really think about the way we are parenting our children.  We've just recently had two similar conversations that really got me thinking and have lead in to further conversations.

Parenting is different today then when I was a kid.  My biggest worries revolved around what to wear, who I was sitting by at lunch and catching the newest episode of Full House.  Today's kids are exposed to SO MUCH MORE!  From the evening news to social media to the newspaper, our kids hear things about shootings, bombings, ISIS, drugs, violence, break ins, etc.  Even trying to shelter them or limiting their screen time doesn't always help.  Everything is just "out there" so much more and happening more frequently.  My husband is a Parkland employee and last week there was a bomb threat.  Back in our day, we would have cheered and thought "free day" but now those threats are taken seriously and you get out of there as quickly as possible.  Our kids have worries that are much bigger than ours.  One thing I don't want them to worry about is being accepted or accepting others.  So much on the news today focuses on certain groups and hate crimes.  I don't know statistics and don't pretend to be an expert but it seems that most of the crime is spread out among all group.  I don't want my children's perspectives and opinions to be based on what they hear or see on the news.

A few weeks ago while eating dinner my son started a conversation about a boy in his class.  He mentioned that this boy told him he was gay.  I was a little surprised because they are only in 5th grade.  We've had conversations about what this means in the past so I knew my son knew what it meant.  I asked him how he replied.  He said he thought it was stupid.  I was a little upset that he said that so I asked him to elaborate.  He said "I told him it was stupid because we are only in 5th grade.  He shouldn't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend because we are too young."  I had to smile at this.  It never occurred to him to judge him on his choices.  He thought it was perfectly acceptable for him to have a girlfriend OR boyfriend...just not at this age.  I explained to my son that his friend's choices may be different from his own but that is OKAY!

Last night at dinner, my daughter had a friend over who joined us.  We got to talking about one of their classmates and how much fun he is.  He is openly gay and very popular.  The girls were telling stories about what a nice guy he is, how smart, etc.  They told stories about other kids too and we learned all kinds of stuff about their fellow classmates.  After dinner my husband and I talked about how different our world is today.  Never, ever in our days in middle school would a student make such an announcement and I'm pretty sure if any high school student came out, they would have gotten beat up.  Kids are different.  They have different likes and dislikes.  They have different skin colors and they make different choices.  That is OKAY!

I want my kids to live in a world that is more accepting.  I want them to know that their choices don't have to be based on what their friend is choosing.  I want them to know that we will love and accept them regardless.  I know that some of their choices will be bad ones but I also hope that the good ones outweigh the bad.  They are going to make mistakes.  That is OKAY!  They are going to have friends different than us.  That is OKAY!  Their friends are going to have different beliefs and values.  That is OKAY too!  As parents we need to worry about instilling our own beliefs and values into our children and then allow them to experience the world and learn about others without judgement.  In Genesis 1:27 it says "God created man in his own image."  God created all of us and while some of us don't fit in to the "mold" that others want to perceive as perfect, that's OKAY!  And really, Jesus doesn't care how many bible verses we have memorized, he cares about the way we treat people.

I am a work in progress.  I know I have judged people and probably will continue to as I work on my flaws.  As my kids grow up I really need to focus on setting a better example.  I want my kids to treat people fairly and just be nice.  Really, is it that hard to be nice?  I don't care if you are white, brown or purple and I don't care if you are dating an Eve or a Steve, if you are nice, then I will treat you that same way.  It's not my place to judge.  Everyone has their own issues to deal with and it's not my business.  My kids have enough to deal with as they grown up, acceptance and accepting others shouldn't be one of them.  I'm proud of us for teaching them to be accepting and most importantly nice.  We don't have to like everyone, we don't even have to be friends with everyone.  But in today's world, it would all help if we were all just a little more accepting.  We don't all have to be the same.  People are different.  And that's OKAY!

A tribute to Cubs fans....

If you are living on planet Earth, you've probably heard by now that the Cubs won last night.  I didn't watch the game but my facebook page was blowing up with constant status updates of the score, pitching reference and pictures of people celebrating, not to mention the bad behavior of Mr. Rodriguez.

I don't watch baseball or any sport for that matter unless my kid is playing.  My husband doesn't really watch baseball on TV either.  I could probably only tell you the name of one or two players currently on the Cubs yet, I still call myself a Cubs fan.  I'm not someone who just jumped on the bandwagon.  I was raised by a die hard Cubs fan.

Though I am not an avid sports fan, I feel like Cub fans have something that other fans don't have.  Hope.  They have hope.  They've never given up on their boys in blue.  Every year is going to be "their year".  Every year they cheer them on.  They don't jump off the bandwagon when their team loses, they just say "maybe next year".  They are eternally hopeful.  Doesn't the world need a little more of that?

I haven't watch a Cubs game this entire season.  With social media, I still knew how well the Cubs were doing.  I have a friend who is a die hard fan so I can usually just check her page for any information I may need.  (Yes, you Cindy!)  I guess the reason I can say I'm still a Cubs fan is because of the great memories I have of the Cubs.

When I think of the Cubs, I think of friends and family.  I think of the past few summers of going to Wrigley Field with a group of friends.  I remember the fun we had at the game, even though we froze one year and were sweaty messes the next year.  I remember good times at the Cubby Bear where it's so packed you are literally surrounded by Cubs fans.  I remember getting to miss school one May to go to the Cubs game with my family in 5th grade.  It was a rain out but seeing the players slide across the tarps was a blast.

My dad has always been a Cubs Fan and still probably has the shiny blue Cubs coat from the 80's.  When we went to Wrigley, it meant going with family because he hated the Chicago traffic.  One time he was following my uncle so closely, he rear ended him.  We didn't have social media growing up but we had WGN, channel 9.  Harry Caray was part of my childhood.  We didn't need facebook updates to know when the game was won because my dad and our neighbor would be outside having a cold one and celebrating.  This was before the "W" flag was flown but we could count on our neighbor, Jim, coming out and saying "holy cow" in his best Harry Caray voice.  My favorite players were Ryne Sandberg and I even had a big pin with Rick Sutcliffe's picture on it.

So while I may not be watching all the games, I'm still rooting for the Cubbies.  A friend of ours from high school recently lost his battle to cancer and he really wanted to see the Cubs win the World Series before he died.  I know he's up there watching them with the best seat in the house.  I know all the Cub fans are full of hope for this team.  And the world needs more hope.  So with that being said, Carry on Cub fans, carry on!

What are we waiting for?

This past weekend we celebrated the life of my husband's grandfather.  He passed away at the age of 91.  As we gathered this weekend, everyone shared stories, memories and pictures and it was apparent that he was loved by many and has left behind an amazing legacy in his family.

While it was sad circumstances, it was a weekend shared with family that we very rarely see.  Most of my husband's cousins (much like my own) are close to our age and now have kids of their own.  Also like my cousins, they have spread their wings and grown and moved to different areas.  Even our family has moved two hours from "home".  

Growing up we always had big family Christmases and family reunions.  Between my parents and all their siblings, I have around 40 first cousins so holidays were filled with kids in all the age ranges and there was never a dull (or quiet) moment.  While we didn't live in the same town, most of us were within a hour or two so we knew that we would see each other several times throughout the year.  At the time, I never really thought about the planning it took or whether or not I'd see them, I just took it for granted.  We went to cousin's weddings and baby showers and caught up on each others lives.  And then life got busy.

This summer we had a family reunion and I found myself introducing my kids to my cousins and their kids.  I did it again this past weekend at the funeral.  And both times I thought to myself, shouldn't they already know these people?  Granted, we are close with our immediate family, our siblings, grandparents, etc.  But what about this huge circle of people that share our names, our history, our memories?

My son mentioned to me on the way home how we should really see these cousins more often.  And he's right, we should.  There were a few there that even though I see them rarely, I felt like I knew them well enough because of Facebook.  Is that good or bad?  I love Facebook and the ability to "watch" these kids grow up through pictures and stories but is that keeping me from picking up the phone and having a conversation.  If it wasn't for Facebook, would I pick up the phone?  Or would we not know them at all?  I'd like to think I'd stay in touch but if we can't even arrange a get together, maybe it wouldn't be that easy.  

Listening to all the stories this weekend, it put a smile on my face.  It was sad to know that it took the death of a loved one to bring us all together.  I know his grandpa would have loved for us all to get together while he was living and he would have had his own stories to share.  I believe that my husband and son get their story telling skills from him.  I smiled though knowing that he was watching over us and probably chuckling at some of the stories too.  It was wonderful to hear everyone's memories or different versions of stories I already knew.  I think they all learned new things about their family and each other.  

Looking back over the weekend it makes me wonder what we are waiting for?  Are we waiting to see family at the next wedding or does it take another funeral?  Everyone is busy.  Kids are more involved now than they were 20 years ago, parents are busier.  We are always on our phone and even though we may be on Facebook looking at a cousin's status update, is it really the same?  Yes our kids have soccer and baseball and clubs they are in and yes there are repercussions to missing those events but are we sacrificing family time for that?  Finding a balance is hard.  

So my husband and I have been talking.  He hates group vacations but may be willing to compromise slightly.  We are going to make more of an effort.  Family is first.  I want my kids to have stories to tell with their cousins.  I want them to know their history and hear stories about us when we were kids.  I want them to know the names of their great aunts and great uncles and who belongs to whom.  So family - get ready.  If you don't have a guest room, we may pull up in our camper!  Either way, I don't want to sit here wondering...what am I waiting for?

Bathroom water

Most of you have probably heard about our "Great Flood of '15".  But for those of you who haven't seen my posts of complaints, here's a recap and a funny story to go along with it.

Keep in mind as you read this that there may be some grammatical errors because ServPro is currently nailing down the 70 bazillion staples and nail that are still left in the subfloor of the kitchen.
A few weeks ago our washer broke and flooded the laundry room, pantry and kitchen area.  Luckily, we were home and were able to clean up the water quickly.  We found out that the Samsung washer we had is junk and even after the repairman fixed it three times, it broke again.  That resulted in another flood.  The water got under/behind the cabinets, under the vinyl floor, basically everywhere except on the nasty carpet we've been wanting to replace.

ServPro was on the scene quickly with their green fans (12 of them) and then the "fun" began.  My kitchen has now been emptied into the garage.  They came on Friday and ripped up the vinyl and under lament.  All the cabinets are out, it's a mess.  Even though they hung plastic blocking off the rest of the house, the tape didn't hold so all the dust is everywhere.  The people who lived here prior to us had cats and it stirred all that up I think.  Needless to say, my eyes feel like they have been dipped in sand and I can't stop sneezing.  My poor son is the same.  In the midst of this, RJ's grandpa passed away so we stayed in a hotel this weekend (where we also came upon more green fans) but as soon as we came home the itchy eyes and sneezing returned.  It is not fun.

Today we have to pick out new flooring and a new washer.  I think we are also getting a new fridge since the other one is old, doesn't match and is already in the garage.  (super excited about a new fridge!!).  When we tore up the floor, we realized that the sliding glass door was also leaking so we are now replacing that too.

I'm already tired of eating out and not having a kitchen.  I'm stocking up on microwave meals today because that's about the only thing left in the kitchen.  I'm pretty much over it and now know for certain that I could never handle a major renovation.  I hate chaos and not being organized and my kids do too.

So through it all we've tried to be positive.  In the big scheme of things, what's two weeks or so without a kitchen.  Our insurance company and agent (Todd Jacob, State Farm) has been great and very prompt with all of their help.  ServPro has been fine although they aren't happy that RJ just informed them they needed to vacuum instead of sweep due to our allergies.  But they have been on time and very quick in removing what needed to be gone.  It could have been much worse.

My son is very picky and does not like to eat out or even eat carry out.  He likes to eat his mom's food at his house.  The dust is driving him crazy and he's a bit OCD about his food, etc.  He's having a hard time eating at a card table in the dusty living room.  The first night we were without a kitchen he was getting ready for bed.  The kitchen is blocked off completely so we have to go outside and through the garage to get to the fridge.  It's bedtime and he brings out his water bottle that he takes to bed with him.  We were out of bottled water but he usually just fills it from the kitchen sink anyway. I told him that I would just fill it from the bathroom sink.  He informed me that he did not drink bathroom water and asked me to just leave the water in there and add ice.  I just laughed because I didn't really think there was a difference.  I walked out to the garage to get ice and without even thinking, emptied his water bottle in to the grass.  Oops! But then I realized that he was already in bed waiting so there was no way he was going to know!  I filled it with ice, snuck in to the bathroom and filled it with water.

I tucked him in and put his water bottle by his bed and he asked if I just left the water in there and I lied and said yes.  I mean really, why cause unnecessary drama?  I start to leave the room and hear him taking a drink.  And then I hear it....

"Mom...you are a liar!  This is bathroom water!"

I just started laughing.  I have no idea how he could tell a difference but he did!  Needless to say, he got a quick speech about all the unfortunate kids in the world who would love to have bathroom water.  Now he's been drinking bathroom water every night.

Sometimes we just have to laugh and make the best of a bad situation.  Granted, I've complained and whined through it some days but that's not going to make it any better.  Yes, ServPro is hear and have been pounding hammers for 37 minutes straight and I'm sure it will continue for  quite a while longer but on the bright side, we have insurance to cover it.  And when it's all said and done, maybe I will make a toast in my new kitchen with a glass of bathroom water!

The morning after....A Mother's Day PSA

As I'm cleaning house today there are all kinds of shows on about Mother's Day.  One showed glittery crafts and projects that you can do with your children for a "fun Mother's Day activity".  I'm pretty sure whoever came up with that statement has never had the job of cleaning up glitter.  And it was probably a man.

I feel like it is my civic duty as a mother to let all of the world know that we don't want to do projects with our kids on Mother's Day.  We don't even really want them to bother us.  I love my children more than anything but I don't want to deal with them on Mother's Day.  About 80% of you are thinking, Yes!  Finally someone gets it.  The other 20% of you are liars or just haven't reached that point yet.  Just wait.  It will happen.

Now I love my little darlings and do want to be with them on Mother's Day in a fun and drama free way.  I guess I should clear it up for you dads that just aren't getting it yet.  I don't want to referee, I don't want to wipe butts, I don't want to clean, I don't want to prepare meals, I don't even want to dispense medicine or think about planning something to do.  Basically, I want to be a dad for the day.  Can you make that happen??  Maybe just for 8-10 hours?

My kids are older now (14 & 10) so they are pretty self sufficient.  Most things they can do for themselves or I just do because it's easier.  I haven't had to wipe butts in several years but I did have to clean poop off the dog this morning.  (I will not be doing that on Sunday.)  When my kids were younger, they'd bring home handmade gifts or poems and I loved it.  I even cried over a few.  Moms eat that up.  My husband would make a big deal of taking them shopping to get a gift.  It was a production.  The last few years I've gotten a mani/pedi gift card.  I love it but where's the thought?  I know he ran by the place on Friday on his way home and got it and that's fine.  But then there's all the questions...what do you want to eat, where do you want to go, what should we do?  Um, isn't that part of the "gift" too?  I plan 99% of our family activities, I don't want to plan this one.  Make some effort dads.  Put some thought into it.  We carried each of your children for 9 months and then birthed them...and for those of you with big heads...maybe throw in an extra gift!

What moms really want is to not have to do their every day tasks of being a mom.  We grew humans for goodness sakes!  Show us some love.  And this is the part that gets fuzzy for most men....we don't want to do our daily task....which is code for WE WANT YOU TO DO THEM!!!!  There's the secret men!  When we say we "don't want to do anything" on Mother's Day, it really means that everything we aren't doing that day, YOU NEED TO DO!  That doesn't mean just making the kids do it.  You ALL need to do it.  The morning after shouldn't be full of dirty laundry, a messy house, a sink full of dishes because we took a day off.  When asked what we want for Mother's Day, we aren't going to list chores for you to do because most likely it's not going to happen.  But that's what we want.  We want to be pampered and loved and appreciated.  We want to know that you see all the little things that we are doing on a daily basis to keep the children alive and the house afloat.  We want you to notice and say thank you without us having to point it out.  We want you to throw a load of laundry in and clean the toilet.  We want you to prepare a meal and clean up afterwards and be patient when everyone complains about what you made and one is crying because he doesn't like brown rice.  We want you to wash the dog and her bedding and wipe the poop off her fur.  And we want you to just do it all with a smile because you love us and want us to be happy and to feel loved.  We don't want you to point out how easy it was or how we've got it made because you did it all and it wasn't a big deal. Just do it and smile and move on to the next toilet.  Then maybe the morning after Mother's Day won't be so bad for any of us.

Dog with a blog

Have you guys ever watched that stupid Disney show called "Dog with a Blog".  It's pretty corny. The dog has his own blog and writes about the family.  Well yesterday I posted a picture of our puppy on facebook and a friend said I should have the dog write a blog post.  Brilliant, why didn't I think of this sooner.  So without further ado, here is Rebel's first post.

Hello from Rebel!
I'm an almost 6 month old Standard Schnauzer and am living it up with my new family.  So far I have it pretty good.  I've been with these 4 for almost 4 months which is most of my life.  They spent a fortune on my and then gave me a stupid name like Rebel so I feel like I have to live up to it.

There are 4 people that live here and I think I have them pretty much figured out.  

The girl doesn't have too much to do with me.  She pets me and will occasionally throw a ball.  She loved me when I was smaller and could put clothes on me but now that I've ripped two pairs of her favorite leggings and her new shirt, she isn't as thrilled with me.  Her room is off limits but when I do manage to get in there, I immediately grab anything I can get my teeth on like make up brushes, ear buds, kleenex, well you get the idea.  I just want to be one of the girls!  Her EOS lip balm is my fave.

Then there is the boy.  He's probably my favorite.  He plays with me and takes me on walks.  When I go on walks with him, I don't have to behave. At. All.  We basically run the whole time and splash in the puddles.  He plays ball with me and lays on the floor with my after school.  He wears these clothes that taste amazing!  His Nike apparel is seriously my catnip!  For some reason I get yelled at when I taste it.  I haven't really figured that one out yet.  My favorite thing is to lay on his back.  And he lets me!   I used to be able to go in his room and loved to lay on his vent but now he's building something called a Lego project and I'm forbidden.  I tried to help him build something but apparently when legos are covered in my crap, he doesn't want them anymore?

Then there is the mom.  I spend most of my day with her.  She thinks my name is No.  I'm not sure why but she calls me that all the time.  We play games all day long!!  Some of them include chase (when I steal stuff from the laundry basket) yelling chase (when I steal stuff from the garbage) you stupid dog (when I lick the clean dishes in the dishwasher) or my favorite which is mud on the carpet.  That game is so fun!  I basically go outside and see how muddy I can get in 7 seconds.  Then, since I'm black and she can't tell I'm muddy, she lets me off my leash and I run as fast as I can all over the carpet!!  I try to cover as much ground as possible.  I really think she likes it because she starts chasing me and yelling "NO" like she's cheering me on so I keep going!   Then when the carpet is good and muddy, I take a break in my kennel and she crawls around counting the spots...or maybe she's cleaning them up?  I'm not sure.  I just know that I won because she's really mad that she lost.  Poor loser.

The mom may have some confusion issues, I'm not sure.  One day I jumped up and knocked her water on to her laptop.  She yelled "Son of a bitch"  and duh...I'm a daughter of a bitch. Get it right mom.  Anyway, we spend a lot of time together.  Some times I miss her so much I cry for her in the night so she can come and see me.  She never seems as happy to see me though as I am to see her.  She also loves when I bark at stuff...like leaves, my bone, birds, the wind.  We are working on our relationship issues but I know in time she will come around to love me.  Maybe if I stop wrapping my leash around every single thing possible she will like me a little sooner.  Hmmm, something to consider.

Then there is this guy called the Pack Leader.  I'm not sure of his real name or why he calls himself that.  All I know is that after 8 hours of playing all those fun games with the mom, I am exhausted when he comes home so I'm very well behaved.  Maybe that's why he thinks he's the Pack Leader?  He plays with me and calls me his big sweetie.  He lays on the floor with me.  On nights he doesn't lay on the floor I go to the door 97 times until I trick him in to getting up.  One time he didn't lay on the floor by me, so I decided to pee next to his chair.  Take that Pack Leader!  He gives me hair cuts and clips my toenails.  I don't like either.  Last time he clipped my nails, I thrashed around and he ended up cutting one too short.  Looked like a murder scene but the Pack Leader hasn't tried it again.  Winning!  I'm pretty sure he wants to be my bestie but the verdict is still out.  I'm pretty sure a few more trips to Pet Smart and Rural King will seal the deal though.  Although we may not be welcome back at Rural King.  Last time he let the boy push me around in a cart and I peed all over.  May have to rethink that.

Anyway, every day is something new that I have to teach these folks.  I have a pretty good gig going here.  I don't know how often I will post because it really takes away from my game time with mom!  Plus with spring coming, there are going to be a lot of birds to bark at and mud to get in to!

Until next time!

Rebel

Guilty as charged

I watched this video today that really has me thinking.  I'm sure many of you have watched it.

Take a few minutes to watch it.  It will make you think.  I definitely am guilty of this.  Are you?  I find myself pretty much attached to my phone.  It's a problem.  I know I'm not alone in this.  Maybe you are better about it than I am but I'm trying to change.  This video really hit home with me.  

In today's world, everything is literally a quick click away.  While this is sometimes helpful, especially when trying to help my 8th grader with math, it can also be a problem.  For instance, I try not to be on my phone when I'm spending time with my kids.  After school we usually sit at the kitchen table and do homework.  They don't really need my help but when they do, we often look stuff up on my phone.  So then my phone is right there and they are busy...why not hop over to facebook.  10 minutes have now gone by and I'm still on my phone.  Granted, my kids are busy doing work but this is just an example on how quickly we can get sucked in and not even realize it.

As adults we are supposed to set an example for our kids.  If I'm that bad on my phone, then why should I be surprised when my 9 year old wants to always be on his Ipad or when my 13 year takes her phone to the bathroom with her?  They are just following my example.  Yes I can limit their time on their screens or only let them use them for educational purposes but who is going to limit my time?  I'm not knocking screen time because I love it for many reasons.  I guess there's just a time or time limit for everything.

Last weekend we were at my son's basketball game and my husband got him by a ball....because he was looking down at his phone.  (I can only point this out because I've been guilty too.)  Granted, he was answering a text from one of his students but still...I'm sure it could have waited.  I looked around at the stands and at least another 5-6 people were looking down at their phones.  Imagine if your child had just scored a basket and looked up at you and you were on your phone?  I'm sure in most cases, whatever you were looking at could have waited. 

Or what about when you are at a family member's house visiting or at a birthday party?  Are you really in the moment with that family or friend that you are there to see?  Or are you on your phone checking facebook, watching videos of someone else, texting??  We had a family member visit a while ago and my son commented after they left that they were on their phone the whole time texting and looking at facebook.  He made a comment along the lines of "I thought they were here to see us."

I'm not writing this or pointing it out to make anyone feel guilty because I, myself, have done EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of these things.  And sadly, I do it without even realizing it or realizing what I'm missing.  Granted, some nights we are just sitting around watching TV so I'm on my phone or computer but do I really need to be?  Can't it wait another hour until my kids go to bed?  Is someone's status or tweet really that important?  Probably not.  I don't want my kids to think back and just remember me with a phone in my hand or screen in front of my face.  

So starting right now, I'm going to be better.  I'm going to be with the people I'm with.  I'm going to stay in the moment and not miss anything.  I'm going to be more aware.  And I'm going to have you all watching me and holding me accountable.  I can't promise I'm going to be perfect and hopefully if you see me with my phone out at a sporting event it's because I'm snapping pictures.  I hope you will all try harder too.  Because before we know it, these kids are going to be off on their own and the moment will be gone.  And then you will have all kinds of time to stalk their facebook page.