Wax on, wax off...or maybe not.

I thought that since I usually use my kids for comedic pleasure, I would put myself out there for a good laugh today. 

A few weeks ago, I went into my favorite Asian nail place to get my eye brows waxed.  The older lady in there is hilarious and pretty darn good for $8.  I have gone there before and have always had good luck.  Sometimes those places are hit or miss but I like this place because they are all sister or related somehow and are always fighting.  Quite entertaining.  One time I was part of their "FaceTime" with their daughter and new granddaughter. 

Anyway, the one thing I don't like is that they are very pushy.  They are like the drug dealers/bad car salesmen of the nail industry.  You walk in for a $15 manicure and when you leave, somehow your bill is $47 because along the way you've agreed to a hot rock massage, a pedicure and a flower on your big toe that you don't even really like.  I don't know how this happens.  They are talking and the next thing I know, I've said yes to a question I don't even understand.  Add $5 to your bill.  Then they ask if I want the flower on my toe, I say "No, I don't think so" and they bust out the thin brush and say "Ya ya, you need flower" and there's another $5.  They are tricky like that and let's be honest, I'm a big sucker and can't say no.  Even if I knew what they were talking about.

So this brings us to my waxing episode.  I went in to get my brows done.  That's all I ever get done.  $8 and I'm in and out in 5 min.  Well the owner was in there and I was pretty excited because she does the best.  I get up on the table and they proceed.  One, two, and I'm done.  Or so I thought.  She proceeds to tell me that I also need my lip done. Wha, what?  My lip?  Seriously?  Do I have a stash and not even know?  What?  So I say no thanks, I don't think that's necessary.  She said "Oh baby doll, yes, you need lip wax, you have lots and lots hair there"  Um, at this point I don't know if she wants another $6 or if I really have a stash.  I say no thanks, I think it's fine.  She said "Oh honey, you friends no tell you, you need lip waxed"  What??  Did my friends really not tell me.  Um beotches - you need to tell a girl if she has a stash.  So you know what I did - I got my lip waxed.  And it hurt.  Bad.  If they could give me a face epidural, I would have gotten one.  She proceeds to show me the "hairy" wax strip and I didn't see anything but that could have been because there were tears rolling out of my eyes.  I paid my money and left.  (Note - I immediately asked my friends and they assured me I did not have a mustache and they would tell me if I did).

So about 3 weeks have passed and a friend mentioned that she just uses the Sally Hansen wax strips from Wal-Mart and does her face herself.  20 strips for $5 sounds great to me so I pick up a box. 

At this point, I would just like to point out that I am a huge wimp.  Not even kidding.  Ask any nurse that was within 3 miles when I gave birth to Bobby (with an epidural I might add).  Huge wimp, not gonna lie about it.  If I ever get "the sugar" as my grandma used to call it, I will have to have home health come and prick my finger or administer insulin because I won't be able to do it myself.   I'm sure my husband would be willing to jab me with needles but I think I'd have to hire a professional. 

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I bought these wax strips.  I guess I wasn't thinking.  When I go somewhere and get waxed, it's quick and over before I can think too much about it.  So I get all ready, I put the little piece of wax strip on and then....Oh snap - who's gonna yank this baby off?  I mean, I can't do it.  I'm home alone and I'm pretty sure our dog can't do it.  Do I sit with a wax strip on my face for 8 hours until the kids get home and just have them yank it off.  As tempting as that sounds, I had places to go.  So I take a few deep breath and 1, 2, 3....nothing.  Another deep breath, a few paces around the bedroom, 1, 2, 3, .....I can't do it.  My palms are sweating.  I do a little corner test and yeah, it's gotta be one quick pull or it's going to be even worse.  I have friends I can call but I'm pretty sure they would think I was ridiculous and I haven't showered and am pretty scary.  Not to mention, they'd probably piss themselves when I opened the door with a wax strip on my forehead. 

So eventually, I did pull the strip off.  It hurt.  Bad.  I'm not gonna lie, my eyes watered.  A lot.  I did save some money but I wasted 1 (or maybe 2) hours.  It wasn't nearly as entertaining as the nail place but hopefully it's been entertaining for you!

The birthday card

This past weekend was my birthday.  Once you're a mom, your own birthday really isn't a big deal.  For my kid's birthday, I go all out. I plan everything from the invite to the menu to the favors.  But when it's my own birthday, it's just another day.  However, your kids still think your day should be special. 

I'm going to be totally honest here and admit that I take full advantage of it.  I like to play the "birthday card".  Admit it, you know you all do it.  As a mom, I like to try and keep everyone happy.  Sometimes this means that I don't always get my way.  I'm okay with that.  But on my birthday, I can use the birthday card at any time.

For example:

Kids are fighting.  All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and they immediately stop.

Trying to take a nap and the kids are loud.  All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and all is quiet.

I don't want to watch Wildman on Animal Planet or Spongebob.  All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and Food network is turned on.

So you get the point.  It's quite wonderful actually. As moms, we very rarely get our way (my husband is rolling his eyes right now) so we have to take advantage of it when we can.  And you know what, my kids were fine with it.  They were very eager to please me on my special day.  Maybe I am teaching them to be a little selfish but shouldn't one day a year be all about you?

So if it's your birthday, take full advantage.  Your kids will love making you happy.  I know for the next 364 days, I will be planning for my next special day!