The drama of the holidays

I was recently texting with a friend (as in 5 minutes ago) about how the holidays have become so dramatic, stressful and are no longer fun.  I guess as a kid we are pretty oblivious to the amount of planning and stress that goes on behind the scene.  As a child, we just experienced the good parts...seeing cousins, eating good food, presents, breaks from school, etc.  As an adult, the magic is gone.  Completely.  Gone.   I want the magic back. 

For me, holiday planning starts in about late August, early September.  That's when fall is just around the corner.  I start to think that maybe we need a new family picture.  After all, the leaves will be changing and we can have a nice fall background.  Photographers book up early this time of year so I have to start researching, stalking photography blogs, browsing Pinterest for color palette ideas, growing my hair out, trying to lose weight and then deciding I will just have them photoshop my muffin top, etc.  Then it turns into a whole family affair and now 4 different calendars have to coordinate for that one perfect hour in October when everyone is available and the leaves will be at their peak.  Then after it's booked, you have to get all the outfits and everyone has to coordinate.  Someone's always mad about something and is everyone going to be happy for the picture?  Someone is bound to have a meltdown in the process and you kinda hope it's one of the younger kids and not yourself.  Then you move on to October.  Family pictures are done and you debate for hours on which one to use for a card.  Do you go black and white or color?  Which printing place has the best templates and the best prices.  And do you include the holiday letter?  I love to receive them but always feel like I'm bragging when I write our own?  Maybe this year I will do a "keepin' it real" version!

It's now mid October and fall is in the air.  You've made it through the chaos of Halloween, costume shopping and class parties.  Christmas decor and music is now vomiting from every store in town and you have to start your Christmas shopping.  I am not a big shopper but I love gift giving.  I love finding the perfect gift and seeing the joy it brings to someone else.  But let me tell you, the older my kids get, the more expensive the wish list items are!  And why didn't anyone tell me the wise men idea 12 years ago???  (your kids get 3 gifts from Santa or you because that how many the wise men gave Baby Jesus)  Would have loved to know that!  And then their are the lists!  Everyone wants to know what everyone wants.  I don't ever remember telling others what I wanted as a kid.  We circled stuff in catalogs and told Santa and we were thrilled on Christmas morning with whatever was under the tree!  Now I have to provide lists for everyone!  And there's all the gift coordinating!  Nobody wants duplicates on Christmas because no one wants to stand in line for 45 min. after Christmas to return stuff!  So now I'm giving certain gift ideas to certain people.  I don't think Barrack Obama does this much planning in a day!  I then I have to check with everyone to see what they bought so that all items are covered. 

By time November rolls around, I'm ready for Thanksgiving.  It's a time to be thankful for what we have not what we want.  It's a time to give thanks.  But then all the blasted black Friday, or Brown Thursday or whatever we are now calling it, ads start to come out.  I do not partake in that hot mess. 
But even Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday, has become dramatic.  We have to coordinate with both sides of the family.  We have to figure out who is bringing what, will there be drama, do I need to stuff the turkey with prozac, do we have enough seating?  I just want everyone to show up, eat and take a nap.  Is that too much to ask?  Oh and a little help with clean up would be much appreciated too.

When Christmas rolls around, I'm done.  I'm stressed and it's no longer fun.  I'm checking lists more times than Santa.  My belly is shaking like a bowl full of jelly...but not in the good way..more like I have diarhea from the stress.  Not a creature is stirring including my husband because he's already in bed and left me with the wrapping and cooking.  My nose is like a cherry but it may or may not be alcohol induced.  I have the plump part down but the jolly is gone.  Long.  Gone.  By this time, I'm over it.  Yes, I will get up and love watching my kiddos rip through their presents. I will cherish that 15 minutes but that's about it.  The rest of the holiday is cooking and cleaning and finding places for all the new stuff.  My mind will already be drifting off to the vacation we take a few short days after Christmas to the beach.  And then a whole new list will appear in my mind of everything that needs to be done before that trip including taking down all the Christmas decor!

This year I am vowing to just let it all go.  I want the magic back.  I want to actually be thankful on Thanksgiving and take the time out of that crazy day to tell those that I love that I am thankful for them. Even though they may (or may not) be making me crazy through the holiday season, I want to remember that I am lucky to have them.  I want to show my kids what the holidays should be like.  I want them to remember the holidays as times that the family is together and embrace the crazy that is unique to us.  I don't want them to look back and just remember that I spent the day in the kitchen and was a big crab yelling at their dad to take the garbage out. 

This year I am going to celebrate the reason for the season.  If everybody doesn't get what's on their list or something doesn't fit, I'm okay with that.  If you don't like what I'm serving, I'm okay with that too.  If we don't make it to every single holiday party and I forget to deliver a cookie platter to someone, I'm okay with that too.  I do not need to be six kinds of crazy to make this holiday a success.  I will relax and watch Buddy the Elf numerous times.  I will spread cheer by singing loud for all to hear.  I will let my kids decorate the tree and not move the ornaments after they go to bed.  And most of all I will just be thankful for everything that does or doesn't get done.

The Gym

**Warning - this post is not for the faint of heart.  I will be talking about body parts and other gross stuff**

A friend of mine recently asked me to join the gym with her.  My daughter has been asking so I thought it was a good time to sign up.  I went a few times and felt okay but didn't really feel like I was getting much out of it.  I decided to ask a friend who is trained in the field to give me some tips.  She was more than happy to put me on a program.  I now call this friend very bad names after I work out and then the next day when I'm so sore I have to pee standing up.

I just don't get it yet.  I hear people say how great they feel after a workout and how they have all this energy.  Um, no.  I feel like a sweaty piece of crap and want to take a nap when I get home.  I think I'd rather have a root canal and Brazilian at the same time than try the damn elliptical again!   I know, I know...I just started and need to give it time.  But really, it's been several weeks and I don't ever see me enjoying it.

See, I don't really like to sweat and I don't like sports.  Going to the gym combines two things I hate.  I know that I NEED to go and that it will benefit my health but I was really hoping to also enjoy it.  I guess a girl can't have everything.

It's also really discouraging.  Everyone is always complaining about how obese America is and how we need to do something about it.  Well let me tell you something,  y'all haven't made it easy for someone "obese" to start up.  First off - it's impossible to find work out clothes in sizes above XL.  Yes, I can wear a t-shirt and shorts.  Problem solved.  But what about a sports bra?  Bet you didn't think about that one.  (And probably don't want to think about it either!)  Seriously though, I had to go to trusty Amazon to get one and let me just say...it has more hooks than my husband's tackle box.  Sexy.

And the machines....some of them are a work out just getting on and off.  And my T-Rex arms don't help matters!   Tonight I got off the exercise bike and almost pulled a DJ Tanner and collapsed.  Yes, you all know the Full House episode where DJ was only eating ice cubes and passes out after her work out.  But trust me, my dinner was much more than ice cubes!  My legs were like jelly and I had the seat too high and my headphone cords were tangled on the handles.  Did I mention that I'm very uncoordinated?  And I sound like an elephant on the treadmill.  Oh I digress...

I started off only wanting to go when no one was there.  I'd go in the morning and smile to all the old people and do my thing.  There's nothing more depressing though than the elderly lady next to you kicking your butt on the treadmill.  So now I just go whenever.  I figure I'm a pretty scary sight so no one will be looking my way.  And my daughter informed me tonight that I sing along with my music.  Maybe they will think it's Adele on the treadmill...or the guy from Meatloaf.  Yeah, I probably look more like him on the treadmill than Adele.

So I will keep on keeping on.  I'll continue to call my friend very bad names and she will just laugh and say "it hurts so good" and "feel the burn".  I don't think I'll ever love it.  Actually, I know I'll never love it.  But...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  I haven't died yet....

Mom Jeans

I was on Pinterest the other day and saw a pin about picking the best jeans for your body.  And really, who doesn't want to look their best in jeans?  I immediately opened the post and soon realized that it was a series of posts.  After reading them all, I would like to take this time to make a confession.  Apparently, I'm wearing "Gateway" mom jeans.  That's right folks.  Apparently, Old Navy sells gateway mom jeans.  Are you as shocked as I am?   So now instead of worrying about a few cigarettes leading to being a crack addict, we now have to worry about Old Navy jeans leading to high-waisted, light blue mom jeans?  Really?   And here's the sad part....I just started wearing Old Navy jeans and really like them.  They have several fits but apparently the pocket placement is wrong.  Pocket placement - yes, you need to measure from the side and back.  Going jeans shopping is stressful enough, now I need to take a tape measure and an assistant? 

This leads me to my next point - non-Mom jeans.  I don't consider the jeans I wear to be Mom Jeans.  I even googled it and along with several SNL skits, according to Wikipedia, Mom jeans are considered to be both unfashionable, and unflattering to the wearer's bodyshape. This style usually consists of a high waist (rising above the belly button), making the buttocks appear disproportionately longer, larger, and flatter than they otherwise might. It also tends to have excess space in the zipper/crotch and leg areas. The jeans are usually in a solid, light-blue color, with no form of stone washing or fading. Other attributes of the style often seen are pleats, tapered legs, and elastic waistbands.   Yes, mom jeans are part of wikipedia.  My jeans do not fit that description at all so I felt like I was in the safe zone.  In fact, my buttocks may appear larger but flatter it is not!  Even the jeans my mom wears don't look like Mom jeans to me.  And...if you go in Forever 21, they have a TON of high waisted jeans and shorts right now!

I digress, back to the non-Mom jeans.  What about the moms wearing the ultra butt bedazzled, low ride jeans?  Is that more acceptable?  Don't get me wrong, if you can rock the look, then do it.  But at what point is it wrong?  At what point do we say, "Ok, my butt does not need to be this bedazzled to get groceries?"  At what point do you stop buying the same jeans as your daughter and move on the the mom jeans?  And what about your son's friends that are seeing your navel and possibly your butt crack?  If I could pull off that look, then maybe I would be saying - um never. 

I guess since I am a mom, wearing mom jeans is acceptable.  Just like wearing bedazzled jeans is acceptable for others.  It's all about what you feel looks best on you regardless of pocket placement.  As moms, we are judged on so many things already.  Can't we just leave jeans out of it?  Until that day comes, I'll stick with my gateway jeans from Old Navy and just hope it doesn't lead to Wranglers from Farm and Fleet. (not that there's anything wrong with those either!)

Here we go again....

I was getting ready to blog today because I know you've all missed me and realized I didn't really have a lot to blog about.  Sure I could tell you about our trip to Disney and how we drove 21 hours.  I could tell you how we were driving through Nashville and my husband told my daughter that Taylor Swift lived there and she was snotty to him so I said "We are never, ever, ever driving on vacation again."   Or I could tell you how the dog had something 8 inches long hanging from her butt yesterday and I almost puked.  Luckily, my son spotted it before she came in the house.  He dry heaved a few times but closed the door in time to keep her out.  I'm pretty sure it was part of her intestines that are now somewhere in the front yard.  She seems fine though so I won't blog about that. 

I scrolled through some old blogs and saw the one I wrote last May about the start of summer.  I would write about summer again but it would be the same thing so just go back and read that one.  I decided that since I'm cry babying about entertaining my kids for a brief 80+ days, I'd instead write about the people who have had to spend the past 1300+ hours with these kids....the teachers!  For my teacher friends who are now scared that I'm going to spill the beans on some funny story about you - don't fret.  This post is all about thankfulness.

I'm thankful that my kids have had amazing teachers so far.  I have loved every single one of them.  Because let's face it, my kids have some quirks.  From my daughter puking every day until 2nd grade to my son's stories and his know it all attitude...our teachers have had their work cut out for them.

Back when I was in college, my major was Elementary Education.  I didn't get my degree in that because I think God knew I would end up in jail.  Now when I help out on field trips or class parties, I know I could never do it.  I spend a lot of time at our school as a volunteer and have witnessed our amazing teachers in action.  I love that I can go for the "fun" parts and then leave. 

Teachers are not only shaping the minds of our children, they are doing so much more.  They are teaching, disciplining, loving, nurturing, and so on.  And those are the good things!  They are also dealing with the crazies...yes...the parents!  They are buying supplies for the kids that don't have any.  They are running home over lunch to get a blue t-shirt for the girl who forgot to wear her's for spirit day.  They are spending their own money to make our Mother's Day gifts!  They are dealing with every snotty nose in the class and the kid who doesn't cover his mouth.  They are teaching the kid who pees his pants.  They are hugging the kid that annoys them.  They are dealing with HEAD LICE!  That right there is a deal breaker for me!  They give and expect nothing back.

They have students they love that become their "own kids" for those 1300+ hours every year.  They give them the hugs they need when we aren't there and they are having a bad day.  They wipe away their tears when they fall on the play ground.   And that kid that your son or daughter comes home complaining about, yeah - they are dealing with that little punk too.  This is all in addition to teaching your child everything. 

I know I could never home school my children.  I'm thankful that we have amazing teachers to handle that large task for me.  I love that my kids have the social interactions they need.  I love that I can send them to that big brick building for 1300+ hours every year and know that they are in a happy and loving environment.  I love that our community is fortunate enough to have such a wonderful school district and that I can be a part of it as a parent. 

So as summer break starts today, I won't complain about how my kids are driving me crazy already.  I won't post about the drama of taking two to the store with me and being rammed in the back of the ankles with tomato cages my son insisted on carrying. I won't talk about the dressing room episode at Target with my daughter who wanted short shorts.  Instead, I will cherish these next 80+ days with my kids before I send them off to meet their next teacher.  I'll wonder all summer about who they will have next year because let's face it, it matters more to me than them.  When they start to act bratty, I'll think of the teachers that have to endure even brattier kids on a daily basis from August until May. 

When you see a teacher out this summer with a huge smile on his/her face, tell them thank you.  Because even though your kids are home with you, they are already planning for the next school year.