I thought that since I usually use my kids for comedic pleasure, I would put myself out there for a good laugh today.
A few weeks ago, I went into my favorite Asian nail place to get my eye brows waxed. The older lady in there is hilarious and pretty darn good for $8. I have gone there before and have always had good luck. Sometimes those places are hit or miss but I like this place because they are all sister or related somehow and are always fighting. Quite entertaining. One time I was part of their "FaceTime" with their daughter and new granddaughter.
Anyway, the one thing I don't like is that they are very pushy. They are like the drug dealers/bad car salesmen of the nail industry. You walk in for a $15 manicure and when you leave, somehow your bill is $47 because along the way you've agreed to a hot rock massage, a pedicure and a flower on your big toe that you don't even really like. I don't know how this happens. They are talking and the next thing I know, I've said yes to a question I don't even understand. Add $5 to your bill. Then they ask if I want the flower on my toe, I say "No, I don't think so" and they bust out the thin brush and say "Ya ya, you need flower" and there's another $5. They are tricky like that and let's be honest, I'm a big sucker and can't say no. Even if I knew what they were talking about.
So this brings us to my waxing episode. I went in to get my brows done. That's all I ever get done. $8 and I'm in and out in 5 min. Well the owner was in there and I was pretty excited because she does the best. I get up on the table and they proceed. One, two, and I'm done. Or so I thought. She proceeds to tell me that I also need my lip done. Wha, what? My lip? Seriously? Do I have a stash and not even know? What? So I say no thanks, I don't think that's necessary. She said "Oh baby doll, yes, you need lip wax, you have lots and lots hair there" Um, at this point I don't know if she wants another $6 or if I really have a stash. I say no thanks, I think it's fine. She said "Oh honey, you friends no tell you, you need lip waxed" What?? Did my friends really not tell me. Um beotches - you need to tell a girl if she has a stash. So you know what I did - I got my lip waxed. And it hurt. Bad. If they could give me a face epidural, I would have gotten one. She proceeds to show me the "hairy" wax strip and I didn't see anything but that could have been because there were tears rolling out of my eyes. I paid my money and left. (Note - I immediately asked my friends and they assured me I did not have a mustache and they would tell me if I did).
So about 3 weeks have passed and a friend mentioned that she just uses the Sally Hansen wax strips from Wal-Mart and does her face herself. 20 strips for $5 sounds great to me so I pick up a box.
At this point, I would just like to point out that I am a huge wimp. Not even kidding. Ask any nurse that was within 3 miles when I gave birth to Bobby (with an epidural I might add). Huge wimp, not gonna lie about it. If I ever get "the sugar" as my grandma used to call it, I will have to have home health come and prick my finger or administer insulin because I won't be able to do it myself. I'm sure my husband would be willing to jab me with needles but I think I'd have to hire a professional.
I'm not sure what I was thinking when I bought these wax strips. I guess I wasn't thinking. When I go somewhere and get waxed, it's quick and over before I can think too much about it. So I get all ready, I put the little piece of wax strip on and then....Oh snap - who's gonna yank this baby off? I mean, I can't do it. I'm home alone and I'm pretty sure our dog can't do it. Do I sit with a wax strip on my face for 8 hours until the kids get home and just have them yank it off. As tempting as that sounds, I had places to go. So I take a few deep breath and 1, 2, 3....nothing. Another deep breath, a few paces around the bedroom, 1, 2, 3, .....I can't do it. My palms are sweating. I do a little corner test and yeah, it's gotta be one quick pull or it's going to be even worse. I have friends I can call but I'm pretty sure they would think I was ridiculous and I haven't showered and am pretty scary. Not to mention, they'd probably piss themselves when I opened the door with a wax strip on my forehead.
So eventually, I did pull the strip off. It hurt. Bad. I'm not gonna lie, my eyes watered. A lot. I did save some money but I wasted 1 (or maybe 2) hours. It wasn't nearly as entertaining as the nail place but hopefully it's been entertaining for you!
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