I thought that since I usually use my kids for comedic pleasure, I would put myself out there for a good laugh today.
A few weeks ago, I went into my favorite Asian nail place to get my eye brows waxed. The older lady in there is hilarious and pretty darn good for $8. I have gone there before and have always had good luck. Sometimes those places are hit or miss but I like this place because they are all sister or related somehow and are always fighting. Quite entertaining. One time I was part of their "FaceTime" with their daughter and new granddaughter.
Anyway, the one thing I don't like is that they are very pushy. They are like the drug dealers/bad car salesmen of the nail industry. You walk in for a $15 manicure and when you leave, somehow your bill is $47 because along the way you've agreed to a hot rock massage, a pedicure and a flower on your big toe that you don't even really like. I don't know how this happens. They are talking and the next thing I know, I've said yes to a question I don't even understand. Add $5 to your bill. Then they ask if I want the flower on my toe, I say "No, I don't think so" and they bust out the thin brush and say "Ya ya, you need flower" and there's another $5. They are tricky like that and let's be honest, I'm a big sucker and can't say no. Even if I knew what they were talking about.
So this brings us to my waxing episode. I went in to get my brows done. That's all I ever get done. $8 and I'm in and out in 5 min. Well the owner was in there and I was pretty excited because she does the best. I get up on the table and they proceed. One, two, and I'm done. Or so I thought. She proceeds to tell me that I also need my lip done. Wha, what? My lip? Seriously? Do I have a stash and not even know? What? So I say no thanks, I don't think that's necessary. She said "Oh baby doll, yes, you need lip wax, you have lots and lots hair there" Um, at this point I don't know if she wants another $6 or if I really have a stash. I say no thanks, I think it's fine. She said "Oh honey, you friends no tell you, you need lip waxed" What?? Did my friends really not tell me. Um beotches - you need to tell a girl if she has a stash. So you know what I did - I got my lip waxed. And it hurt. Bad. If they could give me a face epidural, I would have gotten one. She proceeds to show me the "hairy" wax strip and I didn't see anything but that could have been because there were tears rolling out of my eyes. I paid my money and left. (Note - I immediately asked my friends and they assured me I did not have a mustache and they would tell me if I did).
So about 3 weeks have passed and a friend mentioned that she just uses the Sally Hansen wax strips from Wal-Mart and does her face herself. 20 strips for $5 sounds great to me so I pick up a box.
At this point, I would just like to point out that I am a huge wimp. Not even kidding. Ask any nurse that was within 3 miles when I gave birth to Bobby (with an epidural I might add). Huge wimp, not gonna lie about it. If I ever get "the sugar" as my grandma used to call it, I will have to have home health come and prick my finger or administer insulin because I won't be able to do it myself. I'm sure my husband would be willing to jab me with needles but I think I'd have to hire a professional.
I'm not sure what I was thinking when I bought these wax strips. I guess I wasn't thinking. When I go somewhere and get waxed, it's quick and over before I can think too much about it. So I get all ready, I put the little piece of wax strip on and then....Oh snap - who's gonna yank this baby off? I mean, I can't do it. I'm home alone and I'm pretty sure our dog can't do it. Do I sit with a wax strip on my face for 8 hours until the kids get home and just have them yank it off. As tempting as that sounds, I had places to go. So I take a few deep breath and 1, 2, 3....nothing. Another deep breath, a few paces around the bedroom, 1, 2, 3, .....I can't do it. My palms are sweating. I do a little corner test and yeah, it's gotta be one quick pull or it's going to be even worse. I have friends I can call but I'm pretty sure they would think I was ridiculous and I haven't showered and am pretty scary. Not to mention, they'd probably piss themselves when I opened the door with a wax strip on my forehead.
So eventually, I did pull the strip off. It hurt. Bad. I'm not gonna lie, my eyes watered. A lot. I did save some money but I wasted 1 (or maybe 2) hours. It wasn't nearly as entertaining as the nail place but hopefully it's been entertaining for you!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
The birthday card
This past weekend was my birthday. Once you're a mom, your own birthday really isn't a big deal. For my kid's birthday, I go all out. I plan everything from the invite to the menu to the favors. But when it's my own birthday, it's just another day. However, your kids still think your day should be special.
I'm going to be totally honest here and admit that I take full advantage of it. I like to play the "birthday card". Admit it, you know you all do it. As a mom, I like to try and keep everyone happy. Sometimes this means that I don't always get my way. I'm okay with that. But on my birthday, I can use the birthday card at any time.
For example:
Kids are fighting. All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and they immediately stop.
Trying to take a nap and the kids are loud. All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and all is quiet.
I don't want to watch Wildman on Animal Planet or Spongebob. All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and Food network is turned on.
So you get the point. It's quite wonderful actually. As moms, we very rarely get our way (my husband is rolling his eyes right now) so we have to take advantage of it when we can. And you know what, my kids were fine with it. They were very eager to please me on my special day. Maybe I am teaching them to be a little selfish but shouldn't one day a year be all about you?
So if it's your birthday, take full advantage. Your kids will love making you happy. I know for the next 364 days, I will be planning for my next special day!
I'm going to be totally honest here and admit that I take full advantage of it. I like to play the "birthday card". Admit it, you know you all do it. As a mom, I like to try and keep everyone happy. Sometimes this means that I don't always get my way. I'm okay with that. But on my birthday, I can use the birthday card at any time.
For example:
Kids are fighting. All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and they immediately stop.
Trying to take a nap and the kids are loud. All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and all is quiet.
I don't want to watch Wildman on Animal Planet or Spongebob. All I have to say is "It's my birthday" and Food network is turned on.
So you get the point. It's quite wonderful actually. As moms, we very rarely get our way (my husband is rolling his eyes right now) so we have to take advantage of it when we can. And you know what, my kids were fine with it. They were very eager to please me on my special day. Maybe I am teaching them to be a little selfish but shouldn't one day a year be all about you?
So if it's your birthday, take full advantage. Your kids will love making you happy. I know for the next 364 days, I will be planning for my next special day!
Monday, January 23, 2012
A day in the life of a goon magnet.........
I know I've posted about my goon magnet gene before but I don't think people realize the magnitude of this skill that I have. Some may not see it is a skill, my husband being one of them. But really, I think it's a skill. I mean seriously, not everyone has this quality but maybe if they did, the world would be a better place. I just think it goes to show that I have a friendly face and sunny disposition.
So let me take you through a typical day when the goon magnet was in full force. The funny thing is, at one point, my husband even said, sounds like a blog entry to me! He's catching on.
Last week I went into town to run errands and meet my husband for lunch. First stop was Sam's. I had to get a new membership. By the time I left, I knew the following facts - the lady helping me built a house in 1967 about a mile from where I currently live. She lived there until last year and then moved. Also, another lady felt the need to tell me about her arthritis and why she has to buy calcium chews at Sam's because they are 79 cents cheaper. Her son brings her to Sam's once a month but this month he couldn't so she had to ask a neighbor. (I almost volunteered for next month but bit my tongue.)
Next up I met my husband at Olive Garden. Now if you have read past posts, you know I've had an "encounter" there before with a lady trying on a bra. This wasn't nearly as bad. I dropped my coat off at the table and proceeded to the bathroom. While there, I met a woman that is from Ottawa (20 min. from my hometown) We talked about all the snow they had and that's how she mentioned where she was from. My husband just shook his head when I returned to the table and mentioned I met someone from Ottawa. I'm thinking he should have been impressed but I guess not.
Then I went to Barnes & Noble and must have impressed a man with my backwards driving as I reversed into a parking spot. We had a nice chat as we walked in about how his wife can't back in and once wrecked their car by hitting their garage. Luckily, he was not there when I left and totally drove over the curb. I don't think he would have been so impressed.
At that point I dropped off a bag of food to a homeless man I've been stalking. It's hard to stalk someone who doesn't have a home. He's always on the same corner so last time I saw him, I went and bought a bunch of stuff for him and then he was gone. I haven't seen him since until that day. Luckily I still had everything with me and finally got it delivered.
Then I headed to Aldi's. There I met an old man that couldn't read his wife's grocery list. I think it said peanut butter but may have said peanut brittle. I suggested he just buy both and he laughed and agreed. And just a tip - when you leave Aldi's I always leave the quarter in the cart for the next person. Because really, doesn't it just make your day when you find the cart already paid for? I know it makes mine so why not spread the joy one quarter at a time.
I'm fine with being a goon magnet. These stories were pretty mild compared to some things that have happened. I'm glad that I can put a smile on someone's face. And I think it's really funny that my daughter has the same gene. Just yesterday we were trying on shoes at a store and an older lady came up and talked to my daughter about the stiletto heels on display. She reminisced about back in the day and the heels she wore compared to the ones today. She left with a smile on her face and my daughter just looked at me and said "Don't even say it"
So spread a little goon magnet joy. Stop and help a stranger, smile more often. Some people may think you are nuts but most will smile back. Be friendly to everyone, you don't know what they have going on in their life and that one nice thing you do for them may make a big difference. Start spreading joy, even it's just one quarter at a time.
So let me take you through a typical day when the goon magnet was in full force. The funny thing is, at one point, my husband even said, sounds like a blog entry to me! He's catching on.
Last week I went into town to run errands and meet my husband for lunch. First stop was Sam's. I had to get a new membership. By the time I left, I knew the following facts - the lady helping me built a house in 1967 about a mile from where I currently live. She lived there until last year and then moved. Also, another lady felt the need to tell me about her arthritis and why she has to buy calcium chews at Sam's because they are 79 cents cheaper. Her son brings her to Sam's once a month but this month he couldn't so she had to ask a neighbor. (I almost volunteered for next month but bit my tongue.)
Next up I met my husband at Olive Garden. Now if you have read past posts, you know I've had an "encounter" there before with a lady trying on a bra. This wasn't nearly as bad. I dropped my coat off at the table and proceeded to the bathroom. While there, I met a woman that is from Ottawa (20 min. from my hometown) We talked about all the snow they had and that's how she mentioned where she was from. My husband just shook his head when I returned to the table and mentioned I met someone from Ottawa. I'm thinking he should have been impressed but I guess not.
Then I went to Barnes & Noble and must have impressed a man with my backwards driving as I reversed into a parking spot. We had a nice chat as we walked in about how his wife can't back in and once wrecked their car by hitting their garage. Luckily, he was not there when I left and totally drove over the curb. I don't think he would have been so impressed.
At that point I dropped off a bag of food to a homeless man I've been stalking. It's hard to stalk someone who doesn't have a home. He's always on the same corner so last time I saw him, I went and bought a bunch of stuff for him and then he was gone. I haven't seen him since until that day. Luckily I still had everything with me and finally got it delivered.
Then I headed to Aldi's. There I met an old man that couldn't read his wife's grocery list. I think it said peanut butter but may have said peanut brittle. I suggested he just buy both and he laughed and agreed. And just a tip - when you leave Aldi's I always leave the quarter in the cart for the next person. Because really, doesn't it just make your day when you find the cart already paid for? I know it makes mine so why not spread the joy one quarter at a time.
I'm fine with being a goon magnet. These stories were pretty mild compared to some things that have happened. I'm glad that I can put a smile on someone's face. And I think it's really funny that my daughter has the same gene. Just yesterday we were trying on shoes at a store and an older lady came up and talked to my daughter about the stiletto heels on display. She reminisced about back in the day and the heels she wore compared to the ones today. She left with a smile on her face and my daughter just looked at me and said "Don't even say it"
So spread a little goon magnet joy. Stop and help a stranger, smile more often. Some people may think you are nuts but most will smile back. Be friendly to everyone, you don't know what they have going on in their life and that one nice thing you do for them may make a big difference. Start spreading joy, even it's just one quarter at a time.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Snores & Chores
Last night while you were all snug in your beds sound asleep, I had quite the adventure. I was part of a movie in my bedroom. Now before all you dirty birdies start thinking bad things....it was more of a horror flick. It was basically a remake of Jurassic Park featuring myself who was forced to fight off the dinosaurs. All the dinosaurs were played by my husband. His big acting debut featured all of his greatest sound effects....snoring.
Let me just say that my husband isn't a big snorer normally. He will occasionally snore but I can usually jab him, he rolls over and it's done. But currently, the poor man has a cold (he's actually on antibiotics so I know he's not faking) so his snoring has been quite bad over the past few nights.
LAST.NIGHT.WAS.HORRID.
I slept for 7 minutes. The.entire.night. 7 minutes.
It was seriously like being in a room with dinosaurs. In fact, at one point, I yelled at him "I feel like I'm in Jurrasic Park." No amount of jabbing, poking, shoving helped. No position that he put his brontosaurus body into stopped the growling that erupted from his mouth.
As I laid there I kept thinking that I should just go to the couch. But then I remember that my back was already bothering me and a night on the couch would only make it worse. Not to mention the horrid gas my dog had that was sleeping right next to the couch. There was no solution in sight. As the minutes slowly ticked by, I started to get drowsy and instead of counting sheep, I started counting roars. But then with a grunt and a gurgle, he let out the monster of all snores (think T-Rex roar) and managed to wake both kids with his sound effects. Great. So much for dosing off!
It's now 4:00 AM and no sleep is coming. I'm totally frustrated and realize an extra pillow is laying between us. First I gently shove it closer it to him and nothing. So I pick it up and put it on his face. (Please note: I love my husband and would never do anything to hurt him. Can't imagine my life without him.) I just wanted to muffle the sound so I could fall asleep. So the pillow is on is face, he can still breathe, all is well in Jurassic Park. Sleep is so close. But then he starts to roll and oh so close...his Velociraptor arms started to thrash and the pillow went to the floor. And the roaring goes on.
It's hopeless. I wake him once again and tell him if he doesn't stop snoring I'm going to punch him in the face. He just laughs and goes back to snoring. He knows I would never do that and my luck, I'd knock out his front tooth and he'd get a gold one and then who's laughing? Not me.
It's now 6:20, I do doze off at some point until the alarm went off at 6:30. I very happily got to wake him up and then started my day. He came out to the kitchen and said "I couldn't help it, I have a swollen infected throat." And he thinks the kids get their dramatics from me. Whatev.
Lucky for him, the kids did chores yesterday. My son was dying to use my new steam mop and my daughter dusted so she could have a friend over. They also went back to school today and with no chores for me...looks like I'll be trying to get in my own snores this afternoon.
Let me just say that my husband isn't a big snorer normally. He will occasionally snore but I can usually jab him, he rolls over and it's done. But currently, the poor man has a cold (he's actually on antibiotics so I know he's not faking) so his snoring has been quite bad over the past few nights.
LAST.NIGHT.WAS.HORRID.
I slept for 7 minutes. The.entire.night. 7 minutes.
It was seriously like being in a room with dinosaurs. In fact, at one point, I yelled at him "I feel like I'm in Jurrasic Park." No amount of jabbing, poking, shoving helped. No position that he put his brontosaurus body into stopped the growling that erupted from his mouth.
As I laid there I kept thinking that I should just go to the couch. But then I remember that my back was already bothering me and a night on the couch would only make it worse. Not to mention the horrid gas my dog had that was sleeping right next to the couch. There was no solution in sight. As the minutes slowly ticked by, I started to get drowsy and instead of counting sheep, I started counting roars. But then with a grunt and a gurgle, he let out the monster of all snores (think T-Rex roar) and managed to wake both kids with his sound effects. Great. So much for dosing off!
It's now 4:00 AM and no sleep is coming. I'm totally frustrated and realize an extra pillow is laying between us. First I gently shove it closer it to him and nothing. So I pick it up and put it on his face. (Please note: I love my husband and would never do anything to hurt him. Can't imagine my life without him.) I just wanted to muffle the sound so I could fall asleep. So the pillow is on is face, he can still breathe, all is well in Jurassic Park. Sleep is so close. But then he starts to roll and oh so close...his Velociraptor arms started to thrash and the pillow went to the floor. And the roaring goes on.
It's hopeless. I wake him once again and tell him if he doesn't stop snoring I'm going to punch him in the face. He just laughs and goes back to snoring. He knows I would never do that and my luck, I'd knock out his front tooth and he'd get a gold one and then who's laughing? Not me.
It's now 6:20, I do doze off at some point until the alarm went off at 6:30. I very happily got to wake him up and then started my day. He came out to the kitchen and said "I couldn't help it, I have a swollen infected throat." And he thinks the kids get their dramatics from me. Whatev.
Lucky for him, the kids did chores yesterday. My son was dying to use my new steam mop and my daughter dusted so she could have a friend over. They also went back to school today and with no chores for me...looks like I'll be trying to get in my own snores this afternoon.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
'Tis the Season....
Christmas is upon us. It's only 11 days away. I've done pretty good so far this year. House is decorated, presents are wrapped. Almost everything is bought. Almost. There is always that one gift that your child sees on TV that they just HAVE to have. And then you rush out like a mad woman to get it. But then one child has an extra present so you have to go get another gift and it's just a never ending cycle.
I'm sure we've had some entertaining things happen around here but with all the holiday hoopla, I just can't seem to remember any of it. So I thought I'd leave you with some tidbits of joy that my kids have said the past few weeks.
From the son:
Mom - if Santa brings you coal, do you still get presents from you parents?
I guess he wants to make sure he's getting at least a few presents!
Mom - if Dad broke both of his arms, would you have to wipe his butt for him?
I have no idea where this even came from. And lets just pray it never happens.
Mom - I'm too tired to walk after my shower can you drag me to the living room?
FYI - don't ever do this because your baby boy's legs will get extremely rug burned and you will feel awful for days. I didn't do this, but just saying in case you were thinking about it.
Mom - when I get old I'm going to build a house and there is going to be a secret tunnel to a house for you so that when it snows you don't have to go outside to come over. And there is going to be a slide so you can just slide all the way to my house because you will be too old to walk.
Wow, that's really nice of you. When are you going to build this house?
When I'm 20 because then you will be REALLY old. (FYI - I'll only be 48 when he's 20. Apparently that's ancient)
After putting on his wrestling singlet - Mom, this outfit is so stupid, it makes my weiner look big!
Well it's better than making your butt look big! Because really, how else does a mother respond to this?
And the best for last -
Mom - wouldn't it be awesome if Santa got stuck in the chimney and we could just go up there and take all the presents out of his sleigh and I bet there would be a flat screen tv in there and I could have it in my room and my sister would be so mad and then we could help Santa out and he wouldn't know we took the presents because we would still give him his cookies and he would give us a ride in his sleigh and then when he got back to the north pole I would be hidden in the toy bag and could be a secret spy and see how everything was made.
But son, all the other kids would be sad if they didn't get their toys.
Well then I wouldn't take all the toys just the TV so my sister would be mad but I'd see if there was another one for her too.
So glad that he's thinking of others.
From the daughter -
If I don't get a cell phone for Christmas, I am going to be the ONLY one in the entire Middle School without one.
Why can't I get new clothes, all of my clothes are so stupid and do you want me to look stupid at school? Why do I have to wait until Christmas to get new clothes, I guess by then I just won't have any friends.
I have no response to either of these because I'm picking my battles. So far, I've picked all the wrong ones.
So with that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I'm sure we've had some entertaining things happen around here but with all the holiday hoopla, I just can't seem to remember any of it. So I thought I'd leave you with some tidbits of joy that my kids have said the past few weeks.
From the son:
Mom - if Santa brings you coal, do you still get presents from you parents?
I guess he wants to make sure he's getting at least a few presents!
Mom - if Dad broke both of his arms, would you have to wipe his butt for him?
I have no idea where this even came from. And lets just pray it never happens.
Mom - I'm too tired to walk after my shower can you drag me to the living room?
FYI - don't ever do this because your baby boy's legs will get extremely rug burned and you will feel awful for days. I didn't do this, but just saying in case you were thinking about it.
Mom - when I get old I'm going to build a house and there is going to be a secret tunnel to a house for you so that when it snows you don't have to go outside to come over. And there is going to be a slide so you can just slide all the way to my house because you will be too old to walk.
Wow, that's really nice of you. When are you going to build this house?
When I'm 20 because then you will be REALLY old. (FYI - I'll only be 48 when he's 20. Apparently that's ancient)
After putting on his wrestling singlet - Mom, this outfit is so stupid, it makes my weiner look big!
Well it's better than making your butt look big! Because really, how else does a mother respond to this?
And the best for last -
Mom - wouldn't it be awesome if Santa got stuck in the chimney and we could just go up there and take all the presents out of his sleigh and I bet there would be a flat screen tv in there and I could have it in my room and my sister would be so mad and then we could help Santa out and he wouldn't know we took the presents because we would still give him his cookies and he would give us a ride in his sleigh and then when he got back to the north pole I would be hidden in the toy bag and could be a secret spy and see how everything was made.
But son, all the other kids would be sad if they didn't get their toys.
Well then I wouldn't take all the toys just the TV so my sister would be mad but I'd see if there was another one for her too.
So glad that he's thinking of others.
From the daughter -
If I don't get a cell phone for Christmas, I am going to be the ONLY one in the entire Middle School without one.
Why can't I get new clothes, all of my clothes are so stupid and do you want me to look stupid at school? Why do I have to wait until Christmas to get new clothes, I guess by then I just won't have any friends.
I have no response to either of these because I'm picking my battles. So far, I've picked all the wrong ones.
So with that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Holiday happenings...
The holidays are upon us. Yesterday was Halloween, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Okay, not really but it does seem like time is moving that quickly. There is so much to do, so many people to see, so many gifts to buy, so many cookies to eat, so much money to spend. The older these kids get, the more expensive the presents become!
With the holidays comes stress. Lots of it. We do it to ourselves. We have to find that one perfect gift or find that one perfect Christmas outfit for the Holiday program. We make things so much harder than it has to be. And by we - I really mean me. But I'm sure I'm not the only one.
When I picture Christmas, it's your typical Norman Rockwell calendar picture for the month of December. Cute little kids are hugging in front of fire with warm mugs of hot cocoa. The husband and wife are looking on with their arms around each other. They are probably kissing under a mistletoe and there is a beautiful dinner spread out behind them that their private chef cooked. I'm 50 lbs. thinner and have hair like Christina Applegate. My kids aren't fighting over the remote and my husband isn't complaining about the 5 Christmas trees I've set up. The maid is in the background just waiting to clean up after us. Oh and there is a new Cadillac DTS I can spot out the window (because I'm always thinking of my husband and his wants and needs.) My house is spotless and has a basement. Yes, in my dreams, I have a basement.
But as we all know, it's not like that at all. I think the build up to Christmas is just that...a build up...only to be let down. The real picture is something like this: the kids are fighting over who's turn it is to watch a show because apparently the 17 hours of TV they've already watched that day isn't enough, they are screaming at each other and I'm screaming over them. Dad walks in and talks to them nicely and takes the remote and they both run crying to their room because my screaming does nothing but Dad talking is LAW, the dog is licking herself in front of the fire/corn burner that doesn't even work, frozen pizza is on the counter and no one is cleaning up but me. The only thing I see out the window is dog poop and a junky van that has 150,000 miles on it and there is no mistle toe anywhere in sight because I'm sure that by bedtime I will have a headache. And I have no basement.
Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday because it's stress free. You make a meal, eat it, be thankful, watch football with a full belly and it's over. What's not to like about that? But Christmas....plans have to be made in October just to coordinate everyone's schedules, gift lists have to be made so there are no duplicates, money has to be saved to buy said gifts, menus need to be planned so there aren't 4 green bean casseroles and no desserts. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because it's expected. If we don't get all the gifts on the lists, how do we get our kids to behave the months of November and December? I've already used the Santa threat 617 times and it's only November 17th.
So this year I decided to have less stress. I've shopped mostly online. The kids aren't getting nearly as much. We've raised money and are "giving back" by adopting kids on the angel tree. I'm baking early and sticking it all in the freezer so it's ready. I'm doing some small projects here and there and so far, it's going well. I'm still debating how many trees to put up. We have a small house but I usually have 5 trees up. The husband does not like this. It's hard to be "scroogey" when Christmas has puked all over your house. I think all the twinkling lights distract from his stupid TV shows. I guess it's hard to watch things like "The Fall of Hitler" with Santa staring at you. Since I can't threaten him with Santa, he gets away with a little more than the kids.
This year since I am keeping it low stress, I'm even allowing my husband to be in control of my son's big gift. It's a project he has to build and I'm a nervous wreck over it. My husband is very handy and I know it will turn out great (and be ready by Dec. 23rd - hint, hint honey....that's your deadline). But I've never let him have this much control over a gift. The fact that I can't just go buy it and know that it's here and ready is really stressing me out. And the fact that he keeps showing me plans and I'm picturing something totally different than what he has drawn also stresses me out. He was asking me questions about it and I had no idea what he was talking about and he asked me if I had a stroke because I was being so stupid - not a good sign about the outcome of this project. I think we have it all worked out now but this part was supposed to lower my stress not make more. Deep breaths control freak. Deep breaths.
I know in the long run it will all be worth it. All the hours of shopping, wrapping, baking, it will all be worth it. Even though it will all be over on Christmas morning in about 11 minutes it will all be worth it. If I keep telling myself that, think it will come true? I think my chances of waking up with a basement are more likely.
With the holidays comes stress. Lots of it. We do it to ourselves. We have to find that one perfect gift or find that one perfect Christmas outfit for the Holiday program. We make things so much harder than it has to be. And by we - I really mean me. But I'm sure I'm not the only one.
When I picture Christmas, it's your typical Norman Rockwell calendar picture for the month of December. Cute little kids are hugging in front of fire with warm mugs of hot cocoa. The husband and wife are looking on with their arms around each other. They are probably kissing under a mistletoe and there is a beautiful dinner spread out behind them that their private chef cooked. I'm 50 lbs. thinner and have hair like Christina Applegate. My kids aren't fighting over the remote and my husband isn't complaining about the 5 Christmas trees I've set up. The maid is in the background just waiting to clean up after us. Oh and there is a new Cadillac DTS I can spot out the window (because I'm always thinking of my husband and his wants and needs.) My house is spotless and has a basement. Yes, in my dreams, I have a basement.
But as we all know, it's not like that at all. I think the build up to Christmas is just that...a build up...only to be let down. The real picture is something like this: the kids are fighting over who's turn it is to watch a show because apparently the 17 hours of TV they've already watched that day isn't enough, they are screaming at each other and I'm screaming over them. Dad walks in and talks to them nicely and takes the remote and they both run crying to their room because my screaming does nothing but Dad talking is LAW, the dog is licking herself in front of the fire/corn burner that doesn't even work, frozen pizza is on the counter and no one is cleaning up but me. The only thing I see out the window is dog poop and a junky van that has 150,000 miles on it and there is no mistle toe anywhere in sight because I'm sure that by bedtime I will have a headache. And I have no basement.
Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday because it's stress free. You make a meal, eat it, be thankful, watch football with a full belly and it's over. What's not to like about that? But Christmas....plans have to be made in October just to coordinate everyone's schedules, gift lists have to be made so there are no duplicates, money has to be saved to buy said gifts, menus need to be planned so there aren't 4 green bean casseroles and no desserts. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because it's expected. If we don't get all the gifts on the lists, how do we get our kids to behave the months of November and December? I've already used the Santa threat 617 times and it's only November 17th.
So this year I decided to have less stress. I've shopped mostly online. The kids aren't getting nearly as much. We've raised money and are "giving back" by adopting kids on the angel tree. I'm baking early and sticking it all in the freezer so it's ready. I'm doing some small projects here and there and so far, it's going well. I'm still debating how many trees to put up. We have a small house but I usually have 5 trees up. The husband does not like this. It's hard to be "scroogey" when Christmas has puked all over your house. I think all the twinkling lights distract from his stupid TV shows. I guess it's hard to watch things like "The Fall of Hitler" with Santa staring at you. Since I can't threaten him with Santa, he gets away with a little more than the kids.
This year since I am keeping it low stress, I'm even allowing my husband to be in control of my son's big gift. It's a project he has to build and I'm a nervous wreck over it. My husband is very handy and I know it will turn out great (and be ready by Dec. 23rd - hint, hint honey....that's your deadline). But I've never let him have this much control over a gift. The fact that I can't just go buy it and know that it's here and ready is really stressing me out. And the fact that he keeps showing me plans and I'm picturing something totally different than what he has drawn also stresses me out. He was asking me questions about it and I had no idea what he was talking about and he asked me if I had a stroke because I was being so stupid - not a good sign about the outcome of this project. I think we have it all worked out now but this part was supposed to lower my stress not make more. Deep breaths control freak. Deep breaths.
I know in the long run it will all be worth it. All the hours of shopping, wrapping, baking, it will all be worth it. Even though it will all be over on Christmas morning in about 11 minutes it will all be worth it. If I keep telling myself that, think it will come true? I think my chances of waking up with a basement are more likely.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The glue that holds us all together
So much has happened since my last blog. Nothing of great world changing importance but entertaining none the less.
Let's start with Halloween and the 516 pieces of Halloween candy that are now haunting me in the pantry. The kids had a great time. I have to say, it may be the best one yet as I didn't even have to take my kids trick or treating. First off, my daughter is WAY too cool to go out with her MOTHER. Are you kidding me? Luckily, we had friends over so the girls went off on their own. Even more lucky for me, someone volunteered/I begged to take out my son. I got to sit and enjoy a fire with all my best gal pals and their hubbies. Of course I couldn't relax because my husband was burning some kind of combustible wood that kept spitting smoldering splinters onto my one pair of jeans that fit. Luckily, no one was burned though it came close to sending a Taylor Swift wig up in flames a few times. Now I'm left with all this candy. I saw this great crafty idea where you use it to make this daily chart where each kid got one piece a day throughout November. Apparently that Pinterest poster had more time than me because now we are already at Nov. 9th and it hasn't happened so we will continue to eat our way through it until all that's left are Dum Dum suckers and mints and we throw it away. The kids did have fun though and we got off pretty cheap on costumes so I'd say we can chalk it up to a success.
Since then we've been busy with school work, gearing up for more holidays and our son's newest activity: wrestling. When signing him up, I didn't realize how intense the schedule would be. For most people, its probably not a big deal. For a family where the mom and children require 10 hours of sleep a night, it's a bit much. Practice 3 times a week for 2 hours each time. So far though, he's loving it so it's worth it. Plus the exercise is doing him good. If you want a good laugh, just come watch him do some push-ups. It's a combination of the worm and humping. Words can't even explain. It's a you tube video waiting to happen. We've (I mean him) have been practicing them at home so we are almost there.
Now that we are getting into the swing of all the practices, we've had an injury that has us out of practice for a week. My son has a very hard head (from his father) and he collided with another boy at school. When you get a call from the school nurse, it's never good. Never. It's not like she's going to call and say "Oh by the way, just took your kids temp and it's fine. He can stay here for the rest of the day." No. A call usually involves a fever, puking, an injury, something bad. So when the school's number pops up on caller ID, I try to prepare for the worse. When the nurse says "Can you come in and look at this hole in your son's head because we think he may need some stitches?" you just jump in the car and go. When you find out your son's hard head knocked out someone else's two front teeth, you immediately ask 1) were they baby teeth (and keep your fingers crossed for a yes) and 2) who was it (incase it's some psycho parent and they are gonna freak out). Lucky for us they were baby teeth and the "victim" was a great little boy with super nice parents! Also lucky for us, my son's head didn't need stitches. They glued up the tooth shaped hole in his head and sent us on our way. The story my son tells recounting the event has grown every time he tells it. I guess they collided while playing football at recess. They both looked a little rough this morning at school but were the celebrities of 1st grade as they walked down the hallway showing off their battle wounds.
Last night when we went to bed, the husband and I were talking about being parents. I had already checked on my son 7 times in 2 hours because of the "warning signs of a concussion" the doctor gave us. It should be titled "this probably isn't going to happen but we don't want you to sleep tonight" information sheet. I was worried he wouldn't "wake easily" but he was fine. My daughter was going through some girl drama so she was bawling before bed. Girls are mean. She's not innocent and is hypersensitive about things but still. I don't remember girls getting mean until about 15, not 10. Anyway, we were talking about how hard parenting really is. I knew it would be but I guess I didn't realize all the emotions that you go through. One minute you are so proud and excited for them. One minute you are mad at them and discouraged that things just aren't getting through those thick little heads, the next minute you are screaming and then next second you feel guilty for screaming the minute before. You feel anger and want to go slap some 5th grade girl that hurt your daughter's feelings but you have to be strong and set a good example. Sometimes you are depressed that you aren't doing everything you promised yourself you were going to do and sometimes you are depressed because you are doing everything you said you wouldn't do. You feel enlightened because some of the things your parents said/did are finally making sense. And then you once again feel guilty for being such a snot to your parents. One minute you are getting a hug from a stinky, sweaty little boy and the next he is screaming at his sister over the remote and you want to ground him for a week but really that's just more punishment for you. So when people say parenting is the hardest job in the world, they aren't lying. It really is. The pay sucks but the benefits make up for it. Wouldn't it be nice if they just gave out that glue and we could fix all of our problems as easily as it fixed the tooth shaped hole in my son's head? I guess we'll never know. Until then, I will hang on and enjoy the ride on this emotional roller coaster!
Let's start with Halloween and the 516 pieces of Halloween candy that are now haunting me in the pantry. The kids had a great time. I have to say, it may be the best one yet as I didn't even have to take my kids trick or treating. First off, my daughter is WAY too cool to go out with her MOTHER. Are you kidding me? Luckily, we had friends over so the girls went off on their own. Even more lucky for me, someone volunteered/I begged to take out my son. I got to sit and enjoy a fire with all my best gal pals and their hubbies. Of course I couldn't relax because my husband was burning some kind of combustible wood that kept spitting smoldering splinters onto my one pair of jeans that fit. Luckily, no one was burned though it came close to sending a Taylor Swift wig up in flames a few times. Now I'm left with all this candy. I saw this great crafty idea where you use it to make this daily chart where each kid got one piece a day throughout November. Apparently that Pinterest poster had more time than me because now we are already at Nov. 9th and it hasn't happened so we will continue to eat our way through it until all that's left are Dum Dum suckers and mints and we throw it away. The kids did have fun though and we got off pretty cheap on costumes so I'd say we can chalk it up to a success.
Since then we've been busy with school work, gearing up for more holidays and our son's newest activity: wrestling. When signing him up, I didn't realize how intense the schedule would be. For most people, its probably not a big deal. For a family where the mom and children require 10 hours of sleep a night, it's a bit much. Practice 3 times a week for 2 hours each time. So far though, he's loving it so it's worth it. Plus the exercise is doing him good. If you want a good laugh, just come watch him do some push-ups. It's a combination of the worm and humping. Words can't even explain. It's a you tube video waiting to happen. We've (I mean him) have been practicing them at home so we are almost there.
Now that we are getting into the swing of all the practices, we've had an injury that has us out of practice for a week. My son has a very hard head (from his father) and he collided with another boy at school. When you get a call from the school nurse, it's never good. Never. It's not like she's going to call and say "Oh by the way, just took your kids temp and it's fine. He can stay here for the rest of the day." No. A call usually involves a fever, puking, an injury, something bad. So when the school's number pops up on caller ID, I try to prepare for the worse. When the nurse says "Can you come in and look at this hole in your son's head because we think he may need some stitches?" you just jump in the car and go. When you find out your son's hard head knocked out someone else's two front teeth, you immediately ask 1) were they baby teeth (and keep your fingers crossed for a yes) and 2) who was it (incase it's some psycho parent and they are gonna freak out). Lucky for us they were baby teeth and the "victim" was a great little boy with super nice parents! Also lucky for us, my son's head didn't need stitches. They glued up the tooth shaped hole in his head and sent us on our way. The story my son tells recounting the event has grown every time he tells it. I guess they collided while playing football at recess. They both looked a little rough this morning at school but were the celebrities of 1st grade as they walked down the hallway showing off their battle wounds.
Last night when we went to bed, the husband and I were talking about being parents. I had already checked on my son 7 times in 2 hours because of the "warning signs of a concussion" the doctor gave us. It should be titled "this probably isn't going to happen but we don't want you to sleep tonight" information sheet. I was worried he wouldn't "wake easily" but he was fine. My daughter was going through some girl drama so she was bawling before bed. Girls are mean. She's not innocent and is hypersensitive about things but still. I don't remember girls getting mean until about 15, not 10. Anyway, we were talking about how hard parenting really is. I knew it would be but I guess I didn't realize all the emotions that you go through. One minute you are so proud and excited for them. One minute you are mad at them and discouraged that things just aren't getting through those thick little heads, the next minute you are screaming and then next second you feel guilty for screaming the minute before. You feel anger and want to go slap some 5th grade girl that hurt your daughter's feelings but you have to be strong and set a good example. Sometimes you are depressed that you aren't doing everything you promised yourself you were going to do and sometimes you are depressed because you are doing everything you said you wouldn't do. You feel enlightened because some of the things your parents said/did are finally making sense. And then you once again feel guilty for being such a snot to your parents. One minute you are getting a hug from a stinky, sweaty little boy and the next he is screaming at his sister over the remote and you want to ground him for a week but really that's just more punishment for you. So when people say parenting is the hardest job in the world, they aren't lying. It really is. The pay sucks but the benefits make up for it. Wouldn't it be nice if they just gave out that glue and we could fix all of our problems as easily as it fixed the tooth shaped hole in my son's head? I guess we'll never know. Until then, I will hang on and enjoy the ride on this emotional roller coaster!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)