Parent Fail

Lately I haven't been the best parent.  I'm not talking about anything significant or detrimental to their life.  I've just been slacking.  Tis the season maybe?  I don't know.  I'm not really worried about it too much but the whole story that prompted this post got me thinking about my parenting fails lately.

First, we don't even have our tree up yet.  Sure it's only December 11th but we've usually decked the halls by now and then some.  We've been busy and this new puppy is pretty time consuming.  Plus, I know the puppy probably isn't going to leave the the decor alone so I'm kinda dreading that.  The kids keep asking when we are going to put the tree up but in my defense, last weekend when I wanted to put it up, they both went to friends.  So maybe it's really their fault?

Then we have this puppy.  We love her to pieces and know the puppy phase is just a phase but oh mercy!  She is a handful!  I feel like we are constantly bickering over the dog which creates negative energy...or so Cesar Rowland has told us (repeatedly).  It's like having a baby all over again.  You really do forget!

So the big fail last night came when Bobby asked some questions about a song.  If you are easily offended or don't like butts, don't watch the following video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDZX4ooRsWs&list=RDLDZX4ooRsWs#t=0

I'm sure most of you have heard Anaconda by Nicki Minaj.  It's a catchy tune.  Yes, we let our kids listen to this music and I'm sure some may not agree with our choices but these kids are our's to screw up so we pick our battles.

Anyway, yesterday Bobby came home singing Anaconda.  They were singing it at school, then on the bus, so by time he got home, it was stuck in his head.  So he was dancing around the kitchen singing and then stopped and asked what an anaconda was?  Then proceeded to sing "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon"  I told him an anaconda was a snake.  He was so confused.  He was like "well why would a snake care about someone's butt?  I mean, is is gonna try and bite someone on the butt?  That's just weird"  I did what all good parents do.  I told him I wasn't sure and to study his spelling words.  On the inside I was part cracking up and part mortified at my bad parenting.

I know we've all had these moments.  I know I have many more to come.  I think as parents we have to laugh at our mistakes and just do better the next day.  I know I've said it before but I was a perfect parent....before I had kids!  I learn every day from my mistakes but you just gotta keep moving forward.  And maybe eventually you will get your tree up!

So as I wrap this up (unlike my gifts that aren't wrapped yet)...I will leave you with some photos.  When I started to write this post, I looked on pinterest for pictures of parent fails.  These two came up....

Maybe it's just a coincidence but I posted the following on FB today from 4 years ago:

Um, wow.  Apparently this failing started a while ago?

Puppy and the Dog Whisperer

For the past 10 years, we've been blessed with an amazing dog.  She was a Giant Schnauzer and most definitely the best pet I've ever owned.  Sadly, she died in September.  Since I stay at home, I really missed her.  She was my companion, second set of eyes for my babies and our protector.  It was horrible when she died.  I always said that after Raven, no more pets.  But....the minute she was gone, I knew we'd have another dog.  My kids are still young enough and I feel they need a pet.  Not to mention that talking to a dog seems much less "crazy" than talking to myself all day!

After Raven died we started our search for a new puppy.  Raven was a Black Giant Schnauzer.  She was huge and we have a small house.  Plus she was 80 lbs. which made trips, bathing, etc difficult.  So we decided to be a little more practical this time and go with Standard Schnauzer.  We wanted a black one.  Which turned out to be quite difficult to find.  Apparently they are rare.  And expensive.   We found several breeders but had to wait until a new litter was born.   We continued our search while my husband binged watched Cesar Milan, Dog Whisperer.

Before I go any further, let's talk about Cesar.

I have nothing against Cesar.  He's great.  I do agree with a lot of his theories.  But too much of anything isn't always a good thing.  When I say my husband binged watched it, I don't mean like when we binged watched 5 seasons of Sons of Anarchy.  I enjoyed that.  There was a story line to follow.  Did you know that Cesar has several shows?  Yep, he does.  And they are all on several times a day which are all set to record on our DVR.  Every night for at least 2 months we've watched hours of Cesar.  At one point my son wanted to be Cesar for Halloween.  I didn't think his pale ginger complexion would work but he does have the accent down now.  If you've watched Cesar you know he does the "Tsk/PShht" sound to distract a negative behavior.  My husband is now trying this on the kids.  (It didn't go over well when I was "tsked".)  And if I hear one more thing about negative energy, I may lose it.  

So by this point we've all been forced to watch Cesar and had family movie night when the Bringing Home Puppy episode aired.  My 13 yr old daughter did not partake in the viewing and almost didn't get to go pick out the puppy.  Luckily, my husband and son had plenty of time to educate her.

Finally, after a long 8 weeks, it was time to get our girl.  We were giddy with excitement.  Names were picked and debated, a sweater or two may have been bought.  

A few friends told us we were crazy.  We were like...what??  I knew it had been 10 years since we had a puppy and almost as long since we had a baby but come on?  A cute, cuddly little puppy would be the best thing ever!  Right??  Right?  

We went in "Cesar" style with our calm, assertive energy.  There were 2 girls to pick from and we all immediately agreed on this tiny, cute little baby.  We named her Rebel and brought her home.  It was a 3 1/2 hour drive from the breeder's house so we made a stop at PetSmart.  She totally stole the show there and was the center of attention.  Several people were like "Good luck tonight"  "You won't get any sleep tonight".  Then they would laugh and walk away.  Whatev...we got this.

Rebel got tons of attention that night and stole our hearts.  She had about 30 minute spurts of energy and then would sleep for an hour.  The kids love her.  We went to bed about 11:00 and she cried for about 30 min.  Not too bad.  At 4:30 she started crying so I went to let her out.  And that's when I was reminded how much work a puppy was.  Her little crate was covered in poop.  Not just the crate but the blankets and her were also covered.  I scooped her up the best I could and took her out.  Luckily we made it out before she went a few more times.  Then she had to get a bath and I had to clean up the mess.

Have I mentioned that I love my sleep?  Like, I have to have it or I'm a mess?  Well she had other ideas.  It was play time.  I ended up falling asleep on the floor with her until my husband came out at 7:00.  I got up said "she just peed on the floor, I'm going to bed."  It was pretty much just like when we had a baby.  He had slept through it all.  

The next night didn't have any accidents but she was up and crying every 3 hours much like a baby.  My son thinks we should just strap a diaper on her, he's tired of cleaning up messes.  She does go out and potties but cries her little heart out when you put her back in her crate at night.  

Yesterday she went in to get her ears cropped.  She spent the night and came home today.  Last night my son said, "ahhh, I can finally relax without the dog here."  Apparently, he's also realizing how much work a puppy is.  We had a restful evening and a quiet night. 

So now as I'm typing this, my husband just got home with Rebel and her little cropped ears.  She's literally flying around the house and crying like she's on crack.  She is very excited to be home.  And has a lot of energy from being locked up at the vet for 24 hours.  Also, she seems to be looking for the kids.  Luckily they get out early today!  

We have to travel a lot this weekend for the holiday so it should be interesting.  I know that she will outgrow this phase much like a baby does.  I thought that it would help with missing Raven but I think it's just made me miss her more.  And why didn't we consider getting a dog that was a year or two old?  Ugh.  She's lucky she's so cute. I just hope she realizes that Mama needs her sleep.  And probably new carpet.  Until then I will just keep calm and be a pack leader. 

My dirty little secret

I have this little (uh hmm...okay big) secret.  Or it could be seen more as a problem.  I guess it's not really a secret because some people know about it.  And maybe it's more of an obsession?  Either way, I needed an intervention this past week.  Here it is....

I am *slightly* obsessed with office and craft supplies.  Yes, you are laughing at me.  That's okay, we all have our problems.  Acceptance is the first step.  

I'm not a big shopper.  I don't love clothes, fancy shoes or expensive purses.  I could care less about going to the mall or buying designer things.  But get me in a Staples or a Hobby Lobby and my supply lovin' heart pitter patters a little quicker!   And don't even get me started on kitchen supply stores....I have to limit myself on that heart thumping exposure!

Staples is my go to for office supplies.  No, I don't have an office or even work in one.  There's something about all the organizational possibilities in there, the different colored paper and labels for everything.  Magnets, markers, post-its...oh my!  I went in yesterday for a new wall calendar and had to really practice self control around all the super cute chevron notebooks that were on clearance! And don't even get me started on Sharpies.  If I didn't already have every color, I may have bought a few more.  They make everything bright and cheery.  

I love me some sharpies!

And when I go into places like Hobby Lobby, I just see so many cool projects.  I want to do them all. The problem with said projects is that I always have supplies left over.  I love to make hair bows but when you only need about 10 inches from a 3 foot spool, there are always leftovers.  

So why am I telling you all this....it's leading to the big problem.....THE CLOSET!!!  So you are wondering where I keep my stash of office supplies and craft supplies?  I don't have an office or a craft room yet I have all the supplies for one.  I've gotten WAY better and really only buy what we need now.  I like to buy school supplies on clearance and then I have them throughout the year as markers run out, things get broke, etc.  But then all the half used items come home in June and also get shoved in the closet.  Plus it's where we also keep games and books.  Add all this together with the kids rifling through it and shoving items back where ever they may fit and the closet gets SCARY!  In fact, by the end of summer, it was so scary and such a mess, you couldn't close the door.   Every fall I have to reorganize the closet and get rid of stuff that no longer works, is missing pieces, or is just junk.  I haven't done this in a long time.  It was out of control.  I'm pretty sure I had craft supplies in there from when my daughter was still doing Girl Scouts.  (she hasn't done scouts in 3 years.)  An intervention was needed.  And since I share embarrassing things about my kids, I thought it was only fair to post a picture of my horrendous closet.  We like to keep it real.  (this is also for all my friends who always say "your house is always so clean")

My OCD mom is now disowning me. 

So that's what it had become.  It was a hot mess.  Nothing could be found.  You can tell that things were just shoved in and then the door was closed.  Things were falling out.  It was bad.

It took several hours and two garbage bags.  It wasn't pretty.  It wasn't pretty at all.  I'm not sure how I had accumulated over 60 spools of ribbon and 23 additional folders.  I'm also pretty sure I won't have to buy school supplies next year.  Or until the youngest goes to college.  Anyone need Mod Podge because I have 3 jars.  On a happy note, my bedazzler and the heating pad were both located.   Luckily, one person's hoarding can become someone else's bargain.  I was able to sell lots of my accumulations!

Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!!

Yes folks, that's the after picture.  Ahhhhh!  It's so organized!  I just open the door and stare at it.  To say we got rid of a lot is kind of an understatement.  I think if we haven't used the 3 red craft pom poms in 4 years that I was saving, we probably won't need them.   Yesterday I was in Staples and Hobby Lobby and didn't buy a single thing except the one calendar I needed.  Progress.  We won't mention all the things I'm obsessing over at Bed Bath and Beyond.  That's a whole other post.

School Pictures

It's that time of year again.  Fall is in the air, the thought of holidays are starting to creep into your mind and school is in full swing.  The month since school pictures were taken has flown by and the next thing you know, you open your kid's school folder and staring back at you are school pictures.

School picture day is usually a few weeks into the school year.  Most kids are still sporting their freckly cheeks from summer.  They usually have a new(er) shirt or outfit to wear because you've just went school shopping.  It usually means a morning of stress and drama for most.  My daughter has massively thick, wavy hair so it's always dependent on the weather how she styles her.  My son just doesn't care.

We've had our fair share of rough "picture day" mornings.  One time I told my daughter she couldn't wear super shiny lip gloss to school for her pictures.  (I think it was 3rd grade)  She took it in her pocket and wore it anyway.  I had no clue until we got pictures back and she not only had it on her lips, but also all over her chin.  Karma.  Listen to you mom little girl.

We've also had the years of bad hair days and crooked teeth.  Not to mention, last's years pictures sported the colored braces which my daughter coordinated with her outfit.  We've had the year that we spent an hour straightening her hair only for it to be big and poofy by picture time...we've learned to go with curls.  And don't forget the younger pictures where I got to pick their outfits and now they think they look super dorky.

When my kids were littler, I went through a lot of stress getting ready for picture day.  I'd make sure everything was perfect.  I'd order a big pack and plan to send them out in Christmas cards.  I remember my mom cutting our pictures out and writing my name and grade on the back.  I used nonacid ink so it wouldn't ruin the picture.  I was all in.

And then I realized what a waste it was.  A month went by, the pictures came home, and I was always disappointed.  Don't get me wrong, the pictures were fine.  They were exactly what I paid for...a school picture.   I paid $30, I got a $30 packet of pictures.  Why was I expecting professional, studio type photos from a school picture.  I quickly learned.

The past couple years have been better.  I don't worry about it.  To me, school pictures are just that.  This is what my kid looks like every day at school.  They aren't normally polished and in fancy clothes.  They usually roll out of bed, run a comb through their hair and go.  So I guess to me, I want to remember what my kids look like on a normal, regular basis.   If I want a nice picture, that I can look at proofs and pick from, that I can guarantee a great smile and photoshop, I'm going to take them somewhere else.  You get what you pay for.  Also - did you know that you can volunteer to help at picture day?  The company that our school uses does a great job.  Yes, they herd them in and out but they are on the ball.  They really do take the time to make sure necklaces are fixed, hair is in it's place, etc.  I've helped the past two years and they do try and get the best smile.  Sometimes kids just smile gooney for other people.  I know my kids do.

So all that being said, let's get to this year's pictures.  I don't have my daughters yet but my son's came home yesterday.  As I mentioned, I don't put a lot of thought into it.  I let him pick his outfit, do his own hair, etc.  As long as his teeth are brushed, I'm good.  A few days before picture day, I noticed him checking out last year's picture.  I didn't think too much of it.  After asking what he was going to wear for pictures, I was on to his tricks.  He kinda giggled and said he had it planned.  He mentioned that he wanted to wear his Nike shirt and then laughed.  I didn't think anything of it.  I didn't realize he meant the same shirt he wore last year.  Once I figured it out, I joked with him that I was going to hide it.  Little did I know, he had already hidden it.

Picture day rolled around and he came out of his room proud as a peacock, wearing that Nike shirt.  He has two, one is navy, one is black.  I didn't mention that he had the wrong color on from the year before.  I considered it a small victory.   About 10 minutes before we were to leave, he looks at last year's picture on the mantel and then dashes into the bathroom.  He was in there for a while and came out with a massive amount of hair product on...just like last year.   So without further ado...here is last year's and this year's.....

I'm going to have to make sure to write the year on the back of all of these!!  Other than his face being a little chubbier, it's pretty much identical!  He was so proud of himself.  Luckily, I've learned.  I buy the smallest package and basically just use it to document the year.  I remember my pictures being pretty crazy (I liked aqua net) but it's so fun to look back on them now.  I want my kids to have that experience too.  If I want good pictures, I will get those taken elsewhere.  And since they got to pick their outfits for the school pictures, they know they have to wear what I want for professional pictures.  Mom wins!

An anniversary poem....

I'm a bit of a "closet" Kardashian watcher.  I recently saw the episodes leading up to Kim and Kanye's wedding.  She gifts him with Selfie books all the time.  Well, I have not mastered the selfie yet but then I heard that Kanye wrote her a song.  It's pretty stupid but it got me thinking that I could write my beloved a love poem for our anniversary.  I used to always write little poems or sayings to go with gifts but haven't in a long time.  So I wrote this little ditty for my man and thought I would share it with all of you.  It's totally cheesy and totally us.  Also, he hasn't even read this yet because he's at work.  But....he also keeps telling me that my blog should make us famous so I know he won't care that I shared it here first.

We started dating way back in high school,

You had a mullet and were oh so cool.

I was shy and much thinner,

Who knew our love would be such a winner?

We got married on a sunny September day,

Hundreds traveled from far away.

We’ve now been married for 16 years,

Through laughs and smiles and even tears.

When I’m PMSing you let me be crazy,

And when I’m tired you don’t care if I’m lazy.

You don’t complain when the house is a mess,

And you like my sweats instead of a dress.

I hate when you pee all over the toilet seat,

And you can’t stand to be near my feet.

Does this make us even?  Who’s keeping track,

Because I know you’ll always have my back.

Sometimes you annoy me and think you’re so funny,

But at the end of the day, I still love you honey!

You laugh because I always have to have the last word

But that’s just who I am, haven’t you learned?

We’ve made it through Dave Ramsay, Lamaze class and so much more,

Life with you is never a bore.

You’ve made me try things I never thought I’d do,

Like fishing and camping to name a few.

I love you every day more and more,

Even when you get mud all over the floor

You love me through the eye rolling and all of my drama,

I’m so happy to be your baby’s mama!

Lube

That title got your attention didn't it?  Good, keep reading.

We recently went to an event that had these amazing bubbles and wands.  My son loved them.  They were selling the solution and supplies but I thought surely we could recreate it at home.  My son loves to experiment so I thought it would be right up his alley.

The next day we went and got supplies.  There were several different recipes on Pinterest but most contained similar ingredients.  We picked one and were ready to go.   We mixed up the solution, made homemade wands (drills and other tools were involved).  At one point I thought maybe we should have just shelled out the cash but my son was loving it so we continued.

After we waited the amount of time for the solution to "brew" we headed out and tested our bubbles. After a few adjustments, we had bubbles.  Big, glorious bubbles....that popped as soon as they came out of the wand.  We would get them nice and big but they weren't "unpoppable" like the ones at the event.  By this time, it was 90 degrees and 100% humidity so we were done anyway.  I've continued to research on how to make these bubbles better and I thought I had the perfect solution.  Personal lubricant.  What?  Yes, that's right, lube.  I should point out that I read about this secret ingredient, I didn't come up with it on my own.

Several of the recipes call for glycerin which is thick but pourable.  I was thinking that the bubbles needed to be thicker and kept seeing these posts talking about a secret ingredient.  After much searching and joining a website and then another email group, I found it!  The secret ingredient was personal lubricant purchased from the dollar store.

Today I set out to make all my son's bubble blowing dreams come true.  I headed to the local dollar store in search of personal lubricant.  I was a little embarrassed about buying 2 tubes of this but I'm a confident, married woman....so I buried it in my cart with all my other items and headed to the check out.  I know I've seen this item up by the checkout before and all I could find in the hygiene aisle was the "warm touch" stuff.  I'm sure the ingredients were the same but continued to look for the regular.  There wasn't anyone in line behind me, which I was very grateful for, so I piled everything on the belt but still felt like I should point out to the cashier that the lube wasn't for me personally.  So as she gets to them I say "I'm using those to make homemade bubbles, do you know if you have the regular stuff?"

It went downhill from there.

The nice cashier, LaKendra, could have just said no.  However, I'm guessing she wanted to provide superior customer satisfaction, so she asked her manager if they had any.  Her manager was 3 aisles away.  LaKendra did not leave her register.  She yelled.  Loudly. (Hence the all caps)

"DO YOU KNOW IF WE GOTS ANY PERSONAL LUBRICANT IN THE REGULAR?  THIS LADY DOESN'T WANT THIS WARMIN' STUFF."

I yell "I'M MAKING BUBBLES FOR MY SON!"  I can feel the heat in my face rising.

By this point there is now an elderly lady in line behind me.  She's about 70 and thinks this is hilarious.  I proceed to explain to her that the lube is FOR MY SON'S BUBBLES!!  She just giggles and says, "It's okay honey, you don't have to explain your purchases."

The manager is now up at the register explaining that no they don't have the regular kind, only the warming stuff and is waving the box around like it's a lit sparkler on the 4th of July.  I'm telling them that that is fine, I will get this stuff, let's all move on with life.  The lady behind me continues to giggle.

At this point, I'm starting to laugh too because I'm thinking that it's going to make a great blog post.  I turn to the lay behind me and say "This really is just to make bubbles."  She then tries to hand me the flyswatter she's buying and says, "Well honey, you should really spice things up and get this too."  I'm dying inside.  She's thinking we are 50 Shades of Grey and my face is now 50 Shades of Red.  I just laugh and say "no thanks, just getting bubble making supplies."

I manage to make it out of the store and tell LaKendra I will probably never be back.  And now I'm thinking I can't even let my son help make the stupid bubbles because he's gonna want to know what personal lubricant is and why the bubbles make him feel all warm and tingly when they pop on his skin!  After all this, the bubbles better be magnificent!  And all future personal lubricant purchases will be made on Amazon.

Questions....

It's back to school time again and everyone is trying to get back on a schedule.  I stay at home so it may be a little easier for me.  In the summer we really don't have a schedule.  Breakfast at 11:00 which also means it covers lunch and a late dinner, chores get done as needed and lots of housework slides because we are busy having fun.  Now that school is in session, it's 8:15 AM and I've already done two loads of laundry, dusted, swept and vacuumed.  I am much more productive on a schedule.

With the coming of a new school year, often comes changes.  My kids are in the 4th and 8th grade this year so I'm used to the normal "stay at home mom" questions.  I have a friend who's youngest just entered kindergarten and she stays at home.  She asked how I handle the question of "so what do you do all day now that your kids are in school?" or worse "so are you getting a job now that all of your kids are in school?"  Because being a mom isn't a real job right?

Sure these questions are innocently asked and people just assume that you will be going to work.  But people, stop and think.  Maybe you are just curious on how we spend our 8 hours of "alone" time but don't ask.  If you told me what your career was, I wouldn't say "but really, what do you do for 8 hours".

I'm not bothered by these questions.  I kinda laugh them off and jokingly say I'm just a lady of leisure.  Really I don't feel like it's any one's business but that answer usually does the trick.  Other times I do feel like I have to explain myself and justify why I stay home.  I will say, "I stay at home BUT I do this, this and this..."  And really, I'm not sure why I do that?  I think as moms we just don't want to be judged.

Being a stay at home mom works for our family.  I've been doing this gig for over 9 years now and it works for us.  When my daughter was little, I paid an obscene amount of money for daycare to go to a job I hated.  And if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy.  That rang very true for us.  When I got pregnant with my son, we knew changes had to be made.  In one year, we went from two incomes down to one, we moved to a new town which doubled our mortgage, we (meaning me) learned the hard way about saving money and budgeting.  We made sacrifices and it was worth it.

Being a stay at home means we live on less.  Yes we are comfortable but it's because of the choices we make.  We live in a small house with no basement.  We drive used cars.  I try and get bargains when possible and Dave Ramsay is part of our life.  When our kids complain that they want bigger rooms or a basement, I tell them that we can have that but then I will need to get a job...9 times out of 10 they stop complaining.  And eventually these kids are gonna move out and we won't need a bigger house then anyway.

So what do I do for 8 hours a day....anything I want!  Most days fly by.  Everything that you do on the evenings and on weekends, I do during the day.  All the errands you have to run or have your husband run, I do during the day.  Meal prep, cleaning, laundry, etc...all done.   My husband never has to worry about "house" stuff.  Chores are done, food is in the fridge and he always has clean clothes.  He pretty much has it made.  Also, I love helping people so if a friend needs something, they know they can call me.

All that being said, I have a pretty sweet deal too.  He works hard so that we can have this arrangement.  He provides for our family and continues to better himself so he can continue to provide for us.  If I want to have a "lady of leisure" day or spend time with friends, that's fine too.  This also works for us because I knew I would want to be involved with our kids' school.  I spend a lot of time volunteering there as the PTC President.  In fact, I've had students ask where my classroom is because they assume I'm a teacher.  I want to be involved in the place where my kids spend 8 hours a day.  I also do other volunteer work that is near and dear to us.  I also decorate cakes.  But again, I shouldn't have to list my "credentials" all the time.  I really doubt anyone expects me to, it's something I feel like I need to do for some reason.

In all honesty, I don't know how working moms do it.  I see so many of you doing everything I do PLUS working part time or full time.  You are amazing!!   I think the secret is finding out what works best for your family.  Maybe it's staying home, maybe it's working part time, maybe it's having your husband be a stay at home dad??  Regardless of what that formula is, if it works for you, I won't ask any questions.

Sunday (NOT) Funday

This summer I have noticed several pictures posted on social media and captioned "Sunday Funday".  These pictures usually show friends frolicking in pools, hanging out at cookouts, having a great time on a leisurely Sunday afternoon.  I mean, come on, even the Bible says that Sunday should be a day of rest.  Not so much when you are camping.  Sundays are not Fun days.  At. All.

This past weekend we headed to Yogi Bear's Jellystone Park in Mammoth Cave, KY.  We met all of my in-laws there to celebrate my niece's upcoming first birthday.  We had checked out a few other campgrounds in the area and once we found out about a recent Meth lab explosion at one, we thought that Jellystone would be a safe bet for a little family vacay.  Everyone else stayed in a cabin near us and we took out the ole family glamper and headed to Kentucky. (cue banjo music)

We knew as soon as we headed out that it would be a rainy weekend.  Rowland's are camping you say?  Then mother nature is gonna bring on the rain!  I'm thinking that maybe we need to offer some kind of service to areas that are experiencing a drought.  "Need rain - point us to the closest campground!"  I was okay with the rain though because I knew we had the cabin as a fall back.  It was going to be fine.

We drove 6 hours while it rained the entire time.  Set up the camper in the rain.  Dried out the areas that water got into (which were limited thankfully). We had time to kill so we headed to eat.  We met a very nice, yet creepy, waitress and I started talking with a southern accent.  It stopped raining, we were dry and full and we headed back to the campground y'all.  It rained throughout the weekend but we were still able to have a lot of fun.  There were lots of windows of no rain so the kids swam, had fun with cousins, etc.

Around 3:30 AM this happened:

That's my son sound asleep next to a bucket of water.  You can't tell buy the bucket and towel are 1/2 full.  See, it started leaking around 3:30 AM.  I woke up and thought I'd peed the bed!  The memory foam mattress is super absorbent which I guess is a good thing because it all ran to the low spot (my butt I guess) and soaked in there leaving my son and the rest of the bed dry.  He slept through it all.  Luckily, duct tape and caulk fixed the problem!

We also got fancy with our glamper this weekend and figured out how to attach the canopy and screen room.  Plus we spread out the new outdoor rug.  It was super fancy.

(Don't mind my hubby's butt!  I meant to go back and take another picture and forgot. You're welcome)

The highlight of the glamper is the new lights we got.  Bobby got pink flamingo lights at a garage sale and I got the white ones last week.

Now it's almost like a fancy resort....except for the wet towels hanging in there!  Don't be jealous!  This really helped though in all the rain!

So back to my reason of Sundays not being fun....
Now that I've camped 3 times, I am pretty much a professional.  I noticed on Friday and Saturday, the campground was buzzing.  People were out, setting up, having fun.  You could smell foods cooking and fires going.  Golf carts were tooling around, kids on bikes were cruising and everyone was out enjoying nature.

On Sunday, not so much.  It's quiet.  All you hear are men barking orders, crabby wives and trucks pulling out.  You may hear a few kids crying, some complaining, car doors closing.  For the most part, the fun is over.  It's time to pack up and head home.  The worst part of camping is dealing with the mess.  Maybe in a bigger camper, where you can just close the doors and drive away, it's not so bad.  In a pop up, tear down is a pain.  Everything is wet.  Every. Thing.  That canopy and screen room we liked so much...gotta come down.  Those lights...gotta come down.  Thankfully, my husband is very meticulous in all of this and takes the time to fold it all and wind everything up and put it away.  Me?  I would have wadded it in a ball and left.  That new rug?  It's covered in mud but someones gotta fold it back up like a US map and get it in the carrier.

We've learned (now that we are pros) to get everything packed up and the camper ready to go and THEN take the showers.  We shower and basically pull away.  By the time I hit the showers, I AM SCARY!  I'm crabby, hot, sweaty, muddy and tired from not sleeping the past two nights.  We worked from about 8:45 until 10:30 packing everything up.  Check out was at 11:00.  We drove away at 10:58.  We cut it close on this one.  I thought I would take a selfie of my scary self before my shower just so you got the whole impact of how bad the situation gets.  However, the selfie was so horrid, I had to take a picture of my reflection in the car just to filter it somewhat.

I think this should say "You won't like me when I'm camping"  Things get ugly.
Also, on Sunday, I get to come home and work on this mess.

That's a ginormous bag of wet, stinky, dirty laundry and the other is a bag full of all the dirty bedding.  Fun times.  It's Tuesday and I just finished laundry.

So I guess the moral of the story is, while I'm getting used to this camping business, Sunday is definitely not a fun day.  Maybe we need to stay until Monday?

The bigger you are...the faster you slide (final post about vacation)

Have you ever heard that saying "the bigger you are, the harder you fall"?  Well, we found out at Holiday World Splashin' Safari that it should be "the bigger you are, the faster you slide".  This was the day that my husband's life flashed before my eyes.  It was one of those moments that even though it probably lasted about 10 seconds, it seemed much longer, almost like it was in slow motion.

We were at Splashin' Safari and the kids and the hubby were enjoying all the fun (scary) water slides.  They did a few tamer ones and then headed to The Zynga.  The slide itself didn't look too scary but then you end up in this big cone and that part did not look fun.  Basically, you come flying out of the tube slide and go back and forth up the walls of the cone until you come out the bottom hole into a pool.  It's basically a cornucopia of death.

I decided to go stand on the wood observation deck and watch them come down.  I really wish that I had had my camera for these rides.  Not only to capture the pure joy on their faces, but also to capture the amazing air that my husband was able to achieve.  I'm sure the photos would have been either used in their next promotional ad or on a warning sign that says "This is not acceptable".

Regardless, they headed up the many flights of stairs to ride it.  I'm watching all the others go before them and I'm noticing that the rafts with just kids really don't go that fast and they don't go very high up the sides.  There were a few with adults that came down and they got going pretty quick.  My anxiety-filled brain starts working and I'm getting a little nervous because I know that with my husband in the raft, they are gonna come down quick.  Then a raft full of college aged guys come down and they are flying!  I'm thinking Oh hell no.  My babies are gonna fly out of that thing!

Have I mentioned that when my husband rides these rides he cackles like a 6 year old little girl?  I'm not sure where it comes from but it's this high pitched girly laugh.  The only time I hear him laugh like that is on carnival rides.  My daughter thinks it's appalling.  I don't even think he could do it if he wasn't on a ride.  

At any rate, I hear this high pitched cackling start to echo from the tube and I know it must be my group coming down.  I start to pray.  They are shot out of the tube and go flying up the side.  Now if you look at the picture above, most groups barely make it up to the blue rectangle on the left hand side.  They flew up almost to the top of the blue.  I thought they were going to topple over.  My husband is cackling and my son is holding on for dear life!  Luckily, they made it through to the pool and everyone survived.

Next up was the Jungle Racer.  I wasn't too worried about this one.  It's just a straight slide right?

Well my concern should have been here.  I thought this was going to be the end.  On this one, you grab a foam mat and go down head first on your belly.  Looks pretty simple.  No big deal.  The three of them grab their mats and head to the top.  I'm standing next to the life guard there on the strip of concrete watching, once again wishing I had my camera.  I see my three loves lining up their mats at the top.  Just about everyone that comes down is stopping about half way to the end so they have to get up and walk the rest of the way to get off.  

All three of mine get lined up to race down at the same time.  They take off at the same time but my husband is instantly way ahead of them.  He is cackling once again.  He hits the first dip and starts going even faster.  I start to worry.  Then he hits the second dip.  At this point, I can see air/space between him and the slide.  He hit it and flew up so high, his legs flew up behind him and I thought he was going to flip over.   Then I hear a "Uuuhhh" when he hits back down.  He hit hard, seriously, I'm thinking cracked ribs.  But then I heard it...the high pitched cackling and I knew he was okay.  He came flying down the rest of the slide and stopped at the lifeguards feet.  Yes, he slid all the way up to that pink line.  I thought he was going to be like a cartoon and just take the lifeguard out and end on the concrete.  He stands up (still cackling) and the lifeguard says "Wow, that even scared me!"  I really wanted a repeat so that I could capture it on camera but he didn't think his body (or my nerves) could take it.

After that, I made them take a break in the Lazy River.  This mama needed a break from worrying!  If I learned anything during vacation, the bigger you are the faster you slide....but also, the bigger you are the slower you float!

Fun Sponge

Last week as part of our camping adventure, we went to Holiday World and Splashin' Safari.  My kids were apparently the only children in Central Illinois who had not been and I couldn't deprive the poor children any longer.  Plus my husband has been wanting to go and he won tickets on a silent auction, so we were going.  I figured a day at an amusement/water park would ensure a good nights sleep in the camper.  Plus they offer free sunscreen and drinks so really, it was a win win.

If you read my camping post, you know that it rained (a lot) while we were there.  We woke up that morning to go to the park and it was pouring.  Not a nice mist but a downpour.  Since we had all day we decided to just wait it out.  Lucky for us, the skies cleared and we headed to the park by 10:30.  The day was pretty cloudy but for someone like me with alabaster skin (a.k.a pasty white), I was fine with a few clouds. Plus it also meant that attendance was very low.

We took the shuttle over from Lake Rudolph and prepared for a day of fun.  My big kids (meaning my husband and daughter) immediately got in line for The Raven which is a big roller coaster.  The boy and I decided to find the lockers and stow our swim gear.  We met back up and checked out the rest of the park.  I don't enjoy roller coasters.  I feel like if God wanting me soaring through the air he would have made me a bird.  Honestly, I don't even like my kids to go on these big rides because I'm paranoid that some freak accident will happen and they will plummet to their death.  But....I keep my anxiety issues to myself and let them enjoy the day.  I don't want to turn their minds into the freak show mess I have going on in my head.  So the two big kids enjoy all the bigger rides. My son opted to go on the "less scary" rides.

They decided the last ride before lunch would be The Voyage.

It's ginormous and scary.  It's 1.2 miles long and you have "air time" of 24.3 seconds.  That means for 24.3 seconds of the ride, your butt is lifted off the seat.  Um, no thanks.  But since it's ranked among the best roller coasters in the world, they wanted to ride it.  I opted to stay on the ground with my son.  Now my husband is a big man.  He's well over 6 foot tall and is just a big guy.  At Disney, he had no problem riding any of the rides.  Holiday World, not so much.  However, he always takes one for the team and wedges himself in there.  His knees came back bruised.  They got off that ride and didn't have much to say.  It was that intense.   I was a little (ok, a lot) worried because as soon as they boarded they shut the ride down.  Luckily, I saw them fly past so I knew that they were fine.  

We decided to take a break and have some lunch before heading to the water park.  While it was nice that attendance was low, it was a bit of an inconvenience because over half of the restaurants/snack places were closed.  I understand why they do this but when your family is getting hangry, you just want to grab whatever is closest.  

We changed into our swim clothes and checked out Splashin' Safari.  My kids immediately started asking which water rides I was gonna do.  Even though my husband is always willing to go on these rides with them, they always want me to go too.  The last time I did a water ride I was about 6 years old.  I went down a water slide with my dad and came back up with no swim bottoms.  That was probably also the last time I was able to wear a bikini.  I remember my Uncle diving to the bottom to find my bottoms.  My mom and sister rode the same slide and my mom tried to slow them down and scraped her arms all up.  I don't think my mom has ridden a water ride since either.  I'm not a great swimmer and just don't enjoy the "thrill" of flying through water.  Again, God didn't make me a fish.  But, my husband started heckling me and calling me a fun sponge.  He told the kids that if I went into the pool, I'd soak up all the water.  Yeah, he's mean like that.  So I promised I'd go on one and try it out.   Again,  I don't want to pass my fear on to them.

They did a few rides without me.  There are tons of different slides, wave pools, a lazy river, and water rides like Raging Rapids.  We talked to one lady and she said that the Mammoth and Wildebeest were her favorites and that they were pretty calm.  Plus you don't have to climb a million flights of stairs to get on them so I thought one of those would be a great option.  I don't want to call a stranger a liar but she's a dirty liar.  The kids thought it would be best for me to start on the Mammoth.  It's the longest water roller coaster in the world (I think).  And looking at it from afar, it looked pretty calm.  

It's the blue one pictured above.  I mean, really, it looks long but no major dips right?  I think I can handle it.  We got in line and your group has to be weighed.  Because nothing is more fun than being weighed in a crowd while wearing your swimsuit.  Luckily, no big numbers flash on the screen and our light stayed green.  Our family of four loaded into the raft and off the conveyor belt took us.  The big long black thing in the picture is a conveyor belt where they pull you up to the top.  As we got closer and closer to the top, I started to rethink my decision.  I'm not sure if it was all the screaming I heard coming from other rafts or the fact that I'm now facing backwards and have no idea what's behind me.  Now looking back at the "fact sheet" on their webpage,  I was very wrong to assume it was mild.  It's a 1/3 of a mile with a 32 foot drop at a 45 degree angle.  I'm pretty sure it was on that drop that I called my family a bad name.  And my son replied "this is so awesome".  Not only is it super long and scary but the entire time, water is being thrown at you.  I had just lectured my son about how he shouldn't puke in the pool when he gets water in his mouth and I'm about to puke on this ride? Maybe it was the massive amount of screaming I was doing or the fact I was still backwards and getting plummeted by what felt like firemen hoses, I don't know.  I just know that I swallowed gallons of water and did not enjoy myself one bit.  And did I mention the water was freezing??  I'm pretty sure they pumped it straight from some crazy pipeline in Antartica.  Maybe in August when it's 110 degrees it feels good but on a cloudy June day, not so much.  I did survive and my kids were in their glory that I was drenched.   After that I sat the next few rides out.  I did do one other "boring" slide so over all they were happy.  

We spent some time on the lazy river.  Hopefully they weren't filming for any promotional videos that day because trying to get on a wet slippery raft in two foot of water is not something I've conquered just yet.  I'm not sure why this is so hard.  Once I get on there, I'm good to go but my attempts were quite funny for my husband.  At one point, I fell/slid off.  You wouldn't think this was a big deal because 2 foot of water is nothing.  That almost makes it worse.  It's too shallow to just float in and for some reason, it was too deep for me to just kneel in.  I somehow dragged my self along in the current, scraped up my elbow on the wall and scraped off the polish on my toes.  My husband said "Um why don't you just stand up?"  Apparently fun sponges don't float that well. 

Part 2 of this post is coming up next.....How I watched my slide to his near death (or so I thought).

#rowlandfamilyglamper - our first trip

We recently went on our first family camping trip.  Those of you that are Facebook friends got to follow along on our journey so you know most of the highlights. And if I've seen you since then, I'm sure I've filled you in on all the adventures we had.  But if not, you've come to the right place!

Let me start by saying that I'm not outdoorsy.  At. All.  If you've read other post or know me, you will agree.  My idea of relaxing is curling up with a good book or movie.  In a house.  With a comfy couch and either a furnace or air conditioning depending on the season.  My husband says I have a small comfort zone between the temperatures of 69-72 degrees.  I don't argue that fact.  He's right.  I like to be comfortable.  I don't see anything wrong with that.

Also, I'd like to point out that my husband has known this from the start.  I wasn't one of those girls that tricked him by wearing Birkenstocks and eating granola so he thought that I liked the outdoors.  He's known me since high school.  He knew what he was getting.  So I'm not sure why he's trying to trick me into this whole camping idea.  I will say he's going to great lengths to make it comfy but I'm still not buying into it.  Yes, we have memory foam mattress toppers and yes he just installed an A/C.  So props to him for that but alas, I prefer my house.

For everyone that says camping is relaxing, you are liars.  Maybe if I had my camper at a permanent spot and everything was there and I just had to show up and cook a s'more, then okay.  But that's not the case.  We have a pop-up camper.  That means that every time we go, I have to load everything up.  Wash it all, use it, rewash it, reload it, make food, pack food, clean up from eating food, make more food, etc.  It's like preparing for the zombie apocalypse but there aren't any zombies...just me....getting hot and angry and tired.

My son said that I didn't enjoy camping because I was cleaning the whole time and cleaning doesn't equal camping.  This is true.  But someone had to get the food ready, wash the dishes, repack the food, hang wet towels, move the stuff from the counter to the dinette to the bed back to the counter back to the bed because there's NO ROOM.  And my husband helped with everything too.  He says next time will be better because it's stocked with stuff now and we will just have to pack food and clothes.  I think he's a liar too.

Our first trip was to Holiday World.  We planned to camp at Lake Rudolph.  We had never been to either place.  It rained pretty much the entire first day.  My husband didn't want to spend the extra $5 for a concrete pad so we got the basic RV site.  Not a great idea.  It was a thin layer of gravel and mud.  Which all got tracked into the camper.  The rain really did put a damper on things.  Nothing got dried out.  Ever.  You know what's worse than using a towel that smells like a fire?  Using a wet towel that smells like a fire.  I like my towels to smell like clean and Tide and Downy.

Tuesday was spent setting up camp.  My husband and son "popped up" the camper, got it level and did all those necessary items.  We forgot a hose and cord so they then left in the golf cart (which was the best part of the trip) to buy said items and I was in charge of making the beds.  At this point, the rain has stopped and it's 175% humidity.  We didn't have the A/C in the camper for this trip.  Big mistake.  Making a bed in a pop up is like making the top bunk of a bunk bed in the Sahara Desert.  I had two king size beds to make which included the mattress pad, fitted sheet, flat sheet, comforter.  After the first one I texted my husband "I HATE CAMPING"   After the second one I texted him "THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER TALKED ME INTO!"  He came back to the camper, got me in the golf cart and took me for an ice cream cone.  Camping was okay for those 15 minutes.

The rain cleared up and we headed to the pool.  I wasn't real impressed with Lake Rudolph.  There were a lot of empty rental cabins so I can't imagine what it's like at full capacity.  I felt like the camping sites were really close and we were on top of each other.  I don't have much to compare it to though.  It did have a free pool though and a water slide area you could pay to enter.  We stuck with the free pool because it was already 5:00.  The pool started to fill up because it was finally not raining.  My family jumps in.  My son promptly proceeds to puke in the pool.  He has a habit of doing this because he swallows water and then panics.  Granted, I don't want him to choke and drown but really?  And he's not quiet about it.  I'd be fine if he puked, swished it away from him and moved on.  There's a ton of chlorine in there and it's not worse than the kids who are peeing right?  But no, he has to draw attention to it!  I thought no one saw but wrong....shortly after that, a girl went and told on us.  Pool was cleared and closed.  Fun times.  We had a few enemies after that little incident.

The golf cart was the best thing about the trip.  My kids loved riding in it, checking out the other campers, getting ice cream, etc.  It helped cool us off too!  We went back and cooked dinner over the fire.  My husband got these cast iron cookers and told us it would be the best hamburgers we've ever had.  They weren't.  My son was in his glory starting the fire and cooking on it.  My daughter finally got on WiFi and was happy for a while.

We tried out the bath house and it was really clean which was a bonus.  My daughter had never used a public shower so she was a little leary but it went fine.  She was not impressed with the spiders that were ginormous.  She's a lot like her mom, she's indoorsy too.

We went to bed.  Luckily it had cooled off.  We listened to the neighbors.  I'd like to point out that at a hotel, I don't have to listen to the neighbors, wood peckers or nature.  Also, at a hotel, I can close the curtains and sleep in.  When you are camping it gets bright even with the curtains closed.   It was all just a little too earthy for me.  Also, having a bathroom at a hotel is a nice touch.  I was really wishing I had the "she wee" or a toilet because by 7:00 AM, that golf cart couldn't get me to the bath house soon enough!

We went to Holiday World the next day which is entirely different post. (coming soon)

By time we were ready to leave on Thursday, we had no dry towels.  I wasn't about to shower and use a wet stinky towel so I put on a hat and we headed home.  I told my husband that I was gonna get a shirt made that said "You won't like me when I'm camping"  I looked pretty scary.  I guess "roughing it" does that to a girl.

All in all, it was okay.  I don't think I'm ever going to enjoy it unless we get a fancy Prevost.  That's not happening any time soon.  My husband and son loved it so if they want to go and pretend we are homeless, more power to them.  I will make them some foil packet meals and send them on their way.  While they are gone, I will enjoy my house, a movie and my prefect 70 degrees.

Cow Birthin'

I didn't realize it had been so long....my apologies to all my loyal followers...all 12 of you!

My family just bought a camper so I'm sure there are going to be many posts in the future.  However, in the meantime, I thought I would entertain you with the details of a recent field trip I attended with my 3rd grade son.

The past few years, the 3rd graders have traveled to northern Indiana to a dairy farm.  When the field trip information sheets came home, my son was very excited that I would get to chaperone.  I saw that you could get freshly made ice cream and I was sold.  The sheet also said that a calf was born every 15 minutes on the dairy farm and there was a good chance we would get to see one.  I didn't think too much about it and was more worried about mentally preparing for the kids that I may have in my group.

Yesterday we were up bright and early and traveled the two hours to Fair Oaks Farm for our Dairy Adventure.  Yes, I said Dairy Adventure. That's what they call it.  I was skeptical.  But pulling up to the dairy farm, I was quickly impressed.  It was more along the lines of a cow spa.  These heifers have it good...from sand beds for maximum utter comfort to getting a ride on the "dairy go round" to be milked, they are living the good life.  Plus, when they get off the dairy go round, they are 15-20 pounds lighter!  It's basically a colonic for cows but in return, we get milk and ice cream.

To sum it up, I was pretty impressed with this place.  A family could definitely spend the entire day there.  The actual cows are kept about a mile down the road (which is part of the tour on a cow spotted bus) so you really don't have that farm smell!  Be sure to check it out.

Anyway, part of the tour was to go to the birthing barn.  There's actually a stop light that lets you know where the cow is in the birthing process.  When we were in that area, the light was yellow and said "hooves" so we quickly headed in.  When you walk in, it's similar to an auditorium in a semi circle.  We took our seats in the stands and behind the glass were two mamas in the labor.  Luckily, the glass was thick so we couldn't hear anything.  And when the stop light says hooves, it means that the hooves are sticking out....myself, along with 20 3rd graders, were not really prepared for that.

We quietly took our seats and watched.  I was so impressed with our group of kiddos.  I don't know if they were in awe or completely grossed out or maybe a mix of both but they were so quiet and just watched.  Personally, I felt bad for the mama cows.  I wanted to climb in there, stroke her brow and offer her ice chips or an epidural.  They both were troopers and just kept pushing and changing positions to get comfortable.  At one point, my son said "I think she's just gonna push and it's gonna fly out and hit the glass".  I assured him that wasn't going to happen and I think he was a little disappointed.

The worker went in and broke the water/sac on one of the cows.  The other just kept pushing those hooves out.  They quickly decided that the one mama needed some help.  Two workers went in, strapped some belt type ropes to the hooves and pulled.  And pulled.  And pulled.  Kids started to cover their eyes.  One boy got very pale.  And then the calf came out and there was a loud collective "Awwwwwww".  The worker announced it was a boy.

As I took in this miracle, the other mama was still laboring.  By this point, she had stood up and her rear end was pointed right at us.  She had her tail hiked up and we had a pretty good view.  I glanced over at my son ready for questions and he was just in awe.  I thought he would be grossed out and he was a little bit.  Luckily, from our seats and with all the straw, you couldn't really see any blood which would have been his undoing.  He watched on and the mama cow continued to push.  His eyes were big as saucers.  I was so happy I was sharing this moment with him.  Then he leans over and I think he's going to say something fabulous like how he wants to be a vet or how the miracle of life is awesome or how he's so sorry that he put me through something similar and totally appreciates me.  None of that happened.

He leans over and whispers "Mom, I can see the baby's face!"  I asked him what he meant because at this point all you could see was the hooves coming out.    He points at the mama's behind and says "See, right about the hooves...there's that circle and it keeps moving and pulsing...that's that baby's lips and it's breathing!!"  I just look...and look some more and figure out what he's talking about.  I leaned over and whispered "Buddy, that's the cow's butthole."  It was hilarious and he was mortified.  And then the question of "but I thought babies came out of your butt" started and I said "we will talk about it later" and luckily, later hasn't happened!

After that he was ready to move on to the ice cream eating.  The 2nd calf was also a boy but by then, the miracle of life had lost his interest.  I laugh every time I think about it so of course, I had to share.

If you get a chance to go to Fair Oaks Farm, I highly recommend the Dairy Adventure.  Just be prepared for the questions that may come!