That's OKAY!

One of the things I enjoy most about my day is dinner time.  Not because I've slaved over a stove and at least one person is complaining about what we are having, but more so because I believe in family dinner every night.  As my kids have gotten older and schedules have conflicted with this, I feel it's even more important for all 4 of us to sit and have dinner together as many nights as possible.  This is when I try and ask questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no.  We talk about our day, the good, the bad and the ugly parts.  This is usually when I hear stories about what happened at school, who got in trouble, what's going on the next day, about homework, etc.  It's the one hour in our busy lives where we are all connected.

Sometimes are dinner conversations are mundane, sometimes they are funny and sometimes they prompt bigger conversations and make me really think about the way we are parenting our children.  We've just recently had two similar conversations that really got me thinking and have lead in to further conversations.

Parenting is different today then when I was a kid.  My biggest worries revolved around what to wear, who I was sitting by at lunch and catching the newest episode of Full House.  Today's kids are exposed to SO MUCH MORE!  From the evening news to social media to the newspaper, our kids hear things about shootings, bombings, ISIS, drugs, violence, break ins, etc.  Even trying to shelter them or limiting their screen time doesn't always help.  Everything is just "out there" so much more and happening more frequently.  My husband is a Parkland employee and last week there was a bomb threat.  Back in our day, we would have cheered and thought "free day" but now those threats are taken seriously and you get out of there as quickly as possible.  Our kids have worries that are much bigger than ours.  One thing I don't want them to worry about is being accepted or accepting others.  So much on the news today focuses on certain groups and hate crimes.  I don't know statistics and don't pretend to be an expert but it seems that most of the crime is spread out among all group.  I don't want my children's perspectives and opinions to be based on what they hear or see on the news.

A few weeks ago while eating dinner my son started a conversation about a boy in his class.  He mentioned that this boy told him he was gay.  I was a little surprised because they are only in 5th grade.  We've had conversations about what this means in the past so I knew my son knew what it meant.  I asked him how he replied.  He said he thought it was stupid.  I was a little upset that he said that so I asked him to elaborate.  He said "I told him it was stupid because we are only in 5th grade.  He shouldn't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend because we are too young."  I had to smile at this.  It never occurred to him to judge him on his choices.  He thought it was perfectly acceptable for him to have a girlfriend OR boyfriend...just not at this age.  I explained to my son that his friend's choices may be different from his own but that is OKAY!

Last night at dinner, my daughter had a friend over who joined us.  We got to talking about one of their classmates and how much fun he is.  He is openly gay and very popular.  The girls were telling stories about what a nice guy he is, how smart, etc.  They told stories about other kids too and we learned all kinds of stuff about their fellow classmates.  After dinner my husband and I talked about how different our world is today.  Never, ever in our days in middle school would a student make such an announcement and I'm pretty sure if any high school student came out, they would have gotten beat up.  Kids are different.  They have different likes and dislikes.  They have different skin colors and they make different choices.  That is OKAY!

I want my kids to live in a world that is more accepting.  I want them to know that their choices don't have to be based on what their friend is choosing.  I want them to know that we will love and accept them regardless.  I know that some of their choices will be bad ones but I also hope that the good ones outweigh the bad.  They are going to make mistakes.  That is OKAY!  They are going to have friends different than us.  That is OKAY!  Their friends are going to have different beliefs and values.  That is OKAY too!  As parents we need to worry about instilling our own beliefs and values into our children and then allow them to experience the world and learn about others without judgement.  In Genesis 1:27 it says "God created man in his own image."  God created all of us and while some of us don't fit in to the "mold" that others want to perceive as perfect, that's OKAY!  And really, Jesus doesn't care how many bible verses we have memorized, he cares about the way we treat people.

I am a work in progress.  I know I have judged people and probably will continue to as I work on my flaws.  As my kids grow up I really need to focus on setting a better example.  I want my kids to treat people fairly and just be nice.  Really, is it that hard to be nice?  I don't care if you are white, brown or purple and I don't care if you are dating an Eve or a Steve, if you are nice, then I will treat you that same way.  It's not my place to judge.  Everyone has their own issues to deal with and it's not my business.  My kids have enough to deal with as they grown up, acceptance and accepting others shouldn't be one of them.  I'm proud of us for teaching them to be accepting and most importantly nice.  We don't have to like everyone, we don't even have to be friends with everyone.  But in today's world, it would all help if we were all just a little more accepting.  We don't all have to be the same.  People are different.  And that's OKAY!