The bigger you are...the faster you slide (final post about vacation)

Have you ever heard that saying "the bigger you are, the harder you fall"?  Well, we found out at Holiday World Splashin' Safari that it should be "the bigger you are, the faster you slide".  This was the day that my husband's life flashed before my eyes.  It was one of those moments that even though it probably lasted about 10 seconds, it seemed much longer, almost like it was in slow motion.

We were at Splashin' Safari and the kids and the hubby were enjoying all the fun (scary) water slides.  They did a few tamer ones and then headed to The Zynga.  The slide itself didn't look too scary but then you end up in this big cone and that part did not look fun.  Basically, you come flying out of the tube slide and go back and forth up the walls of the cone until you come out the bottom hole into a pool.  It's basically a cornucopia of death.

I decided to go stand on the wood observation deck and watch them come down.  I really wish that I had had my camera for these rides.  Not only to capture the pure joy on their faces, but also to capture the amazing air that my husband was able to achieve.  I'm sure the photos would have been either used in their next promotional ad or on a warning sign that says "This is not acceptable".

Regardless, they headed up the many flights of stairs to ride it.  I'm watching all the others go before them and I'm noticing that the rafts with just kids really don't go that fast and they don't go very high up the sides.  There were a few with adults that came down and they got going pretty quick.  My anxiety-filled brain starts working and I'm getting a little nervous because I know that with my husband in the raft, they are gonna come down quick.  Then a raft full of college aged guys come down and they are flying!  I'm thinking Oh hell no.  My babies are gonna fly out of that thing!

Have I mentioned that when my husband rides these rides he cackles like a 6 year old little girl?  I'm not sure where it comes from but it's this high pitched girly laugh.  The only time I hear him laugh like that is on carnival rides.  My daughter thinks it's appalling.  I don't even think he could do it if he wasn't on a ride.  

At any rate, I hear this high pitched cackling start to echo from the tube and I know it must be my group coming down.  I start to pray.  They are shot out of the tube and go flying up the side.  Now if you look at the picture above, most groups barely make it up to the blue rectangle on the left hand side.  They flew up almost to the top of the blue.  I thought they were going to topple over.  My husband is cackling and my son is holding on for dear life!  Luckily, they made it through to the pool and everyone survived.

Next up was the Jungle Racer.  I wasn't too worried about this one.  It's just a straight slide right?

Well my concern should have been here.  I thought this was going to be the end.  On this one, you grab a foam mat and go down head first on your belly.  Looks pretty simple.  No big deal.  The three of them grab their mats and head to the top.  I'm standing next to the life guard there on the strip of concrete watching, once again wishing I had my camera.  I see my three loves lining up their mats at the top.  Just about everyone that comes down is stopping about half way to the end so they have to get up and walk the rest of the way to get off.  

All three of mine get lined up to race down at the same time.  They take off at the same time but my husband is instantly way ahead of them.  He is cackling once again.  He hits the first dip and starts going even faster.  I start to worry.  Then he hits the second dip.  At this point, I can see air/space between him and the slide.  He hit it and flew up so high, his legs flew up behind him and I thought he was going to flip over.   Then I hear a "Uuuhhh" when he hits back down.  He hit hard, seriously, I'm thinking cracked ribs.  But then I heard it...the high pitched cackling and I knew he was okay.  He came flying down the rest of the slide and stopped at the lifeguards feet.  Yes, he slid all the way up to that pink line.  I thought he was going to be like a cartoon and just take the lifeguard out and end on the concrete.  He stands up (still cackling) and the lifeguard says "Wow, that even scared me!"  I really wanted a repeat so that I could capture it on camera but he didn't think his body (or my nerves) could take it.

After that, I made them take a break in the Lazy River.  This mama needed a break from worrying!  If I learned anything during vacation, the bigger you are the faster you slide....but also, the bigger you are the slower you float!

Fun Sponge

Last week as part of our camping adventure, we went to Holiday World and Splashin' Safari.  My kids were apparently the only children in Central Illinois who had not been and I couldn't deprive the poor children any longer.  Plus my husband has been wanting to go and he won tickets on a silent auction, so we were going.  I figured a day at an amusement/water park would ensure a good nights sleep in the camper.  Plus they offer free sunscreen and drinks so really, it was a win win.

If you read my camping post, you know that it rained (a lot) while we were there.  We woke up that morning to go to the park and it was pouring.  Not a nice mist but a downpour.  Since we had all day we decided to just wait it out.  Lucky for us, the skies cleared and we headed to the park by 10:30.  The day was pretty cloudy but for someone like me with alabaster skin (a.k.a pasty white), I was fine with a few clouds. Plus it also meant that attendance was very low.

We took the shuttle over from Lake Rudolph and prepared for a day of fun.  My big kids (meaning my husband and daughter) immediately got in line for The Raven which is a big roller coaster.  The boy and I decided to find the lockers and stow our swim gear.  We met back up and checked out the rest of the park.  I don't enjoy roller coasters.  I feel like if God wanting me soaring through the air he would have made me a bird.  Honestly, I don't even like my kids to go on these big rides because I'm paranoid that some freak accident will happen and they will plummet to their death.  But....I keep my anxiety issues to myself and let them enjoy the day.  I don't want to turn their minds into the freak show mess I have going on in my head.  So the two big kids enjoy all the bigger rides. My son opted to go on the "less scary" rides.

They decided the last ride before lunch would be The Voyage.

It's ginormous and scary.  It's 1.2 miles long and you have "air time" of 24.3 seconds.  That means for 24.3 seconds of the ride, your butt is lifted off the seat.  Um, no thanks.  But since it's ranked among the best roller coasters in the world, they wanted to ride it.  I opted to stay on the ground with my son.  Now my husband is a big man.  He's well over 6 foot tall and is just a big guy.  At Disney, he had no problem riding any of the rides.  Holiday World, not so much.  However, he always takes one for the team and wedges himself in there.  His knees came back bruised.  They got off that ride and didn't have much to say.  It was that intense.   I was a little (ok, a lot) worried because as soon as they boarded they shut the ride down.  Luckily, I saw them fly past so I knew that they were fine.  

We decided to take a break and have some lunch before heading to the water park.  While it was nice that attendance was low, it was a bit of an inconvenience because over half of the restaurants/snack places were closed.  I understand why they do this but when your family is getting hangry, you just want to grab whatever is closest.  

We changed into our swim clothes and checked out Splashin' Safari.  My kids immediately started asking which water rides I was gonna do.  Even though my husband is always willing to go on these rides with them, they always want me to go too.  The last time I did a water ride I was about 6 years old.  I went down a water slide with my dad and came back up with no swim bottoms.  That was probably also the last time I was able to wear a bikini.  I remember my Uncle diving to the bottom to find my bottoms.  My mom and sister rode the same slide and my mom tried to slow them down and scraped her arms all up.  I don't think my mom has ridden a water ride since either.  I'm not a great swimmer and just don't enjoy the "thrill" of flying through water.  Again, God didn't make me a fish.  But, my husband started heckling me and calling me a fun sponge.  He told the kids that if I went into the pool, I'd soak up all the water.  Yeah, he's mean like that.  So I promised I'd go on one and try it out.   Again,  I don't want to pass my fear on to them.

They did a few rides without me.  There are tons of different slides, wave pools, a lazy river, and water rides like Raging Rapids.  We talked to one lady and she said that the Mammoth and Wildebeest were her favorites and that they were pretty calm.  Plus you don't have to climb a million flights of stairs to get on them so I thought one of those would be a great option.  I don't want to call a stranger a liar but she's a dirty liar.  The kids thought it would be best for me to start on the Mammoth.  It's the longest water roller coaster in the world (I think).  And looking at it from afar, it looked pretty calm.  

It's the blue one pictured above.  I mean, really, it looks long but no major dips right?  I think I can handle it.  We got in line and your group has to be weighed.  Because nothing is more fun than being weighed in a crowd while wearing your swimsuit.  Luckily, no big numbers flash on the screen and our light stayed green.  Our family of four loaded into the raft and off the conveyor belt took us.  The big long black thing in the picture is a conveyor belt where they pull you up to the top.  As we got closer and closer to the top, I started to rethink my decision.  I'm not sure if it was all the screaming I heard coming from other rafts or the fact that I'm now facing backwards and have no idea what's behind me.  Now looking back at the "fact sheet" on their webpage,  I was very wrong to assume it was mild.  It's a 1/3 of a mile with a 32 foot drop at a 45 degree angle.  I'm pretty sure it was on that drop that I called my family a bad name.  And my son replied "this is so awesome".  Not only is it super long and scary but the entire time, water is being thrown at you.  I had just lectured my son about how he shouldn't puke in the pool when he gets water in his mouth and I'm about to puke on this ride? Maybe it was the massive amount of screaming I was doing or the fact I was still backwards and getting plummeted by what felt like firemen hoses, I don't know.  I just know that I swallowed gallons of water and did not enjoy myself one bit.  And did I mention the water was freezing??  I'm pretty sure they pumped it straight from some crazy pipeline in Antartica.  Maybe in August when it's 110 degrees it feels good but on a cloudy June day, not so much.  I did survive and my kids were in their glory that I was drenched.   After that I sat the next few rides out.  I did do one other "boring" slide so over all they were happy.  

We spent some time on the lazy river.  Hopefully they weren't filming for any promotional videos that day because trying to get on a wet slippery raft in two foot of water is not something I've conquered just yet.  I'm not sure why this is so hard.  Once I get on there, I'm good to go but my attempts were quite funny for my husband.  At one point, I fell/slid off.  You wouldn't think this was a big deal because 2 foot of water is nothing.  That almost makes it worse.  It's too shallow to just float in and for some reason, it was too deep for me to just kneel in.  I somehow dragged my self along in the current, scraped up my elbow on the wall and scraped off the polish on my toes.  My husband said "Um why don't you just stand up?"  Apparently fun sponges don't float that well. 

Part 2 of this post is coming up next.....How I watched my slide to his near death (or so I thought).

#rowlandfamilyglamper - our first trip

We recently went on our first family camping trip.  Those of you that are Facebook friends got to follow along on our journey so you know most of the highlights. And if I've seen you since then, I'm sure I've filled you in on all the adventures we had.  But if not, you've come to the right place!

Let me start by saying that I'm not outdoorsy.  At. All.  If you've read other post or know me, you will agree.  My idea of relaxing is curling up with a good book or movie.  In a house.  With a comfy couch and either a furnace or air conditioning depending on the season.  My husband says I have a small comfort zone between the temperatures of 69-72 degrees.  I don't argue that fact.  He's right.  I like to be comfortable.  I don't see anything wrong with that.

Also, I'd like to point out that my husband has known this from the start.  I wasn't one of those girls that tricked him by wearing Birkenstocks and eating granola so he thought that I liked the outdoors.  He's known me since high school.  He knew what he was getting.  So I'm not sure why he's trying to trick me into this whole camping idea.  I will say he's going to great lengths to make it comfy but I'm still not buying into it.  Yes, we have memory foam mattress toppers and yes he just installed an A/C.  So props to him for that but alas, I prefer my house.

For everyone that says camping is relaxing, you are liars.  Maybe if I had my camper at a permanent spot and everything was there and I just had to show up and cook a s'more, then okay.  But that's not the case.  We have a pop-up camper.  That means that every time we go, I have to load everything up.  Wash it all, use it, rewash it, reload it, make food, pack food, clean up from eating food, make more food, etc.  It's like preparing for the zombie apocalypse but there aren't any zombies...just me....getting hot and angry and tired.

My son said that I didn't enjoy camping because I was cleaning the whole time and cleaning doesn't equal camping.  This is true.  But someone had to get the food ready, wash the dishes, repack the food, hang wet towels, move the stuff from the counter to the dinette to the bed back to the counter back to the bed because there's NO ROOM.  And my husband helped with everything too.  He says next time will be better because it's stocked with stuff now and we will just have to pack food and clothes.  I think he's a liar too.

Our first trip was to Holiday World.  We planned to camp at Lake Rudolph.  We had never been to either place.  It rained pretty much the entire first day.  My husband didn't want to spend the extra $5 for a concrete pad so we got the basic RV site.  Not a great idea.  It was a thin layer of gravel and mud.  Which all got tracked into the camper.  The rain really did put a damper on things.  Nothing got dried out.  Ever.  You know what's worse than using a towel that smells like a fire?  Using a wet towel that smells like a fire.  I like my towels to smell like clean and Tide and Downy.

Tuesday was spent setting up camp.  My husband and son "popped up" the camper, got it level and did all those necessary items.  We forgot a hose and cord so they then left in the golf cart (which was the best part of the trip) to buy said items and I was in charge of making the beds.  At this point, the rain has stopped and it's 175% humidity.  We didn't have the A/C in the camper for this trip.  Big mistake.  Making a bed in a pop up is like making the top bunk of a bunk bed in the Sahara Desert.  I had two king size beds to make which included the mattress pad, fitted sheet, flat sheet, comforter.  After the first one I texted my husband "I HATE CAMPING"   After the second one I texted him "THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER TALKED ME INTO!"  He came back to the camper, got me in the golf cart and took me for an ice cream cone.  Camping was okay for those 15 minutes.

The rain cleared up and we headed to the pool.  I wasn't real impressed with Lake Rudolph.  There were a lot of empty rental cabins so I can't imagine what it's like at full capacity.  I felt like the camping sites were really close and we were on top of each other.  I don't have much to compare it to though.  It did have a free pool though and a water slide area you could pay to enter.  We stuck with the free pool because it was already 5:00.  The pool started to fill up because it was finally not raining.  My family jumps in.  My son promptly proceeds to puke in the pool.  He has a habit of doing this because he swallows water and then panics.  Granted, I don't want him to choke and drown but really?  And he's not quiet about it.  I'd be fine if he puked, swished it away from him and moved on.  There's a ton of chlorine in there and it's not worse than the kids who are peeing right?  But no, he has to draw attention to it!  I thought no one saw but wrong....shortly after that, a girl went and told on us.  Pool was cleared and closed.  Fun times.  We had a few enemies after that little incident.

The golf cart was the best thing about the trip.  My kids loved riding in it, checking out the other campers, getting ice cream, etc.  It helped cool us off too!  We went back and cooked dinner over the fire.  My husband got these cast iron cookers and told us it would be the best hamburgers we've ever had.  They weren't.  My son was in his glory starting the fire and cooking on it.  My daughter finally got on WiFi and was happy for a while.

We tried out the bath house and it was really clean which was a bonus.  My daughter had never used a public shower so she was a little leary but it went fine.  She was not impressed with the spiders that were ginormous.  She's a lot like her mom, she's indoorsy too.

We went to bed.  Luckily it had cooled off.  We listened to the neighbors.  I'd like to point out that at a hotel, I don't have to listen to the neighbors, wood peckers or nature.  Also, at a hotel, I can close the curtains and sleep in.  When you are camping it gets bright even with the curtains closed.   It was all just a little too earthy for me.  Also, having a bathroom at a hotel is a nice touch.  I was really wishing I had the "she wee" or a toilet because by 7:00 AM, that golf cart couldn't get me to the bath house soon enough!

We went to Holiday World the next day which is entirely different post. (coming soon)

By time we were ready to leave on Thursday, we had no dry towels.  I wasn't about to shower and use a wet stinky towel so I put on a hat and we headed home.  I told my husband that I was gonna get a shirt made that said "You won't like me when I'm camping"  I looked pretty scary.  I guess "roughing it" does that to a girl.

All in all, it was okay.  I don't think I'm ever going to enjoy it unless we get a fancy Prevost.  That's not happening any time soon.  My husband and son loved it so if they want to go and pretend we are homeless, more power to them.  I will make them some foil packet meals and send them on their way.  While they are gone, I will enjoy my house, a movie and my prefect 70 degrees.