The Gym

**Warning - this post is not for the faint of heart.  I will be talking about body parts and other gross stuff**

A friend of mine recently asked me to join the gym with her.  My daughter has been asking so I thought it was a good time to sign up.  I went a few times and felt okay but didn't really feel like I was getting much out of it.  I decided to ask a friend who is trained in the field to give me some tips.  She was more than happy to put me on a program.  I now call this friend very bad names after I work out and then the next day when I'm so sore I have to pee standing up.

I just don't get it yet.  I hear people say how great they feel after a workout and how they have all this energy.  Um, no.  I feel like a sweaty piece of crap and want to take a nap when I get home.  I think I'd rather have a root canal and Brazilian at the same time than try the damn elliptical again!   I know, I know...I just started and need to give it time.  But really, it's been several weeks and I don't ever see me enjoying it.

See, I don't really like to sweat and I don't like sports.  Going to the gym combines two things I hate.  I know that I NEED to go and that it will benefit my health but I was really hoping to also enjoy it.  I guess a girl can't have everything.

It's also really discouraging.  Everyone is always complaining about how obese America is and how we need to do something about it.  Well let me tell you something,  y'all haven't made it easy for someone "obese" to start up.  First off - it's impossible to find work out clothes in sizes above XL.  Yes, I can wear a t-shirt and shorts.  Problem solved.  But what about a sports bra?  Bet you didn't think about that one.  (And probably don't want to think about it either!)  Seriously though, I had to go to trusty Amazon to get one and let me just say...it has more hooks than my husband's tackle box.  Sexy.

And the machines....some of them are a work out just getting on and off.  And my T-Rex arms don't help matters!   Tonight I got off the exercise bike and almost pulled a DJ Tanner and collapsed.  Yes, you all know the Full House episode where DJ was only eating ice cubes and passes out after her work out.  But trust me, my dinner was much more than ice cubes!  My legs were like jelly and I had the seat too high and my headphone cords were tangled on the handles.  Did I mention that I'm very uncoordinated?  And I sound like an elephant on the treadmill.  Oh I digress...

I started off only wanting to go when no one was there.  I'd go in the morning and smile to all the old people and do my thing.  There's nothing more depressing though than the elderly lady next to you kicking your butt on the treadmill.  So now I just go whenever.  I figure I'm a pretty scary sight so no one will be looking my way.  And my daughter informed me tonight that I sing along with my music.  Maybe they will think it's Adele on the treadmill...or the guy from Meatloaf.  Yeah, I probably look more like him on the treadmill than Adele.

So I will keep on keeping on.  I'll continue to call my friend very bad names and she will just laugh and say "it hurts so good" and "feel the burn".  I don't think I'll ever love it.  Actually, I know I'll never love it.  But...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  I haven't died yet....