Last night while you were all snug in your beds sound asleep, I had quite the adventure. I was part of a movie in my bedroom. Now before all you dirty birdies start thinking bad things....it was more of a horror flick. It was basically a remake of Jurassic Park featuring myself who was forced to fight off the dinosaurs. All the dinosaurs were played by my husband. His big acting debut featured all of his greatest sound effects....snoring.
Let me just say that my husband isn't a big snorer normally. He will occasionally snore but I can usually jab him, he rolls over and it's done. But currently, the poor man has a cold (he's actually on antibiotics so I know he's not faking) so his snoring has been quite bad over the past few nights.
LAST.NIGHT.WAS.HORRID.
I slept for 7 minutes. The.entire.night. 7 minutes.
It was seriously like being in a room with dinosaurs. In fact, at one point, I yelled at him "I feel like I'm in Jurrasic Park." No amount of jabbing, poking, shoving helped. No position that he put his brontosaurus body into stopped the growling that erupted from his mouth.
As I laid there I kept thinking that I should just go to the couch. But then I remember that my back was already bothering me and a night on the couch would only make it worse. Not to mention the horrid gas my dog had that was sleeping right next to the couch. There was no solution in sight. As the minutes slowly ticked by, I started to get drowsy and instead of counting sheep, I started counting roars. But then with a grunt and a gurgle, he let out the monster of all snores (think T-Rex roar) and managed to wake both kids with his sound effects. Great. So much for dosing off!
It's now 4:00 AM and no sleep is coming. I'm totally frustrated and realize an extra pillow is laying between us. First I gently shove it closer it to him and nothing. So I pick it up and put it on his face. (Please note: I love my husband and would never do anything to hurt him. Can't imagine my life without him.) I just wanted to muffle the sound so I could fall asleep. So the pillow is on is face, he can still breathe, all is well in Jurassic Park. Sleep is so close. But then he starts to roll and oh so close...his Velociraptor arms started to thrash and the pillow went to the floor. And the roaring goes on.
It's hopeless. I wake him once again and tell him if he doesn't stop snoring I'm going to punch him in the face. He just laughs and goes back to snoring. He knows I would never do that and my luck, I'd knock out his front tooth and he'd get a gold one and then who's laughing? Not me.
It's now 6:20, I do doze off at some point until the alarm went off at 6:30. I very happily got to wake him up and then started my day. He came out to the kitchen and said "I couldn't help it, I have a swollen infected throat." And he thinks the kids get their dramatics from me. Whatev.
Lucky for him, the kids did chores yesterday. My son was dying to use my new steam mop and my daughter dusted so she could have a friend over. They also went back to school today and with no chores for me...looks like I'll be trying to get in my own snores this afternoon.
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