This past weekend we celebrated the life of my husband's grandfather. He passed away at the age of 91. As we gathered this weekend, everyone shared stories, memories and pictures and it was apparent that he was loved by many and has left behind an amazing legacy in his family.
While it was sad circumstances, it was a weekend shared with family that we very rarely see. Most of my husband's cousins (much like my own) are close to our age and now have kids of their own. Also like my cousins, they have spread their wings and grown and moved to different areas. Even our family has moved two hours from "home".
Growing up we always had big family Christmases and family reunions. Between my parents and all their siblings, I have around 40 first cousins so holidays were filled with kids in all the age ranges and there was never a dull (or quiet) moment. While we didn't live in the same town, most of us were within a hour or two so we knew that we would see each other several times throughout the year. At the time, I never really thought about the planning it took or whether or not I'd see them, I just took it for granted. We went to cousin's weddings and baby showers and caught up on each others lives. And then life got busy.
This summer we had a family reunion and I found myself introducing my kids to my cousins and their kids. I did it again this past weekend at the funeral. And both times I thought to myself, shouldn't they already know these people? Granted, we are close with our immediate family, our siblings, grandparents, etc. But what about this huge circle of people that share our names, our history, our memories?
My son mentioned to me on the way home how we should really see these cousins more often. And he's right, we should. There were a few there that even though I see them rarely, I felt like I knew them well enough because of Facebook. Is that good or bad? I love Facebook and the ability to "watch" these kids grow up through pictures and stories but is that keeping me from picking up the phone and having a conversation. If it wasn't for Facebook, would I pick up the phone? Or would we not know them at all? I'd like to think I'd stay in touch but if we can't even arrange a get together, maybe it wouldn't be that easy.
Listening to all the stories this weekend, it put a smile on my face. It was sad to know that it took the death of a loved one to bring us all together. I know his grandpa would have loved for us all to get together while he was living and he would have had his own stories to share. I believe that my husband and son get their story telling skills from him. I smiled though knowing that he was watching over us and probably chuckling at some of the stories too. It was wonderful to hear everyone's memories or different versions of stories I already knew. I think they all learned new things about their family and each other.
Looking back over the weekend it makes me wonder what we are waiting for? Are we waiting to see family at the next wedding or does it take another funeral? Everyone is busy. Kids are more involved now than they were 20 years ago, parents are busier. We are always on our phone and even though we may be on Facebook looking at a cousin's status update, is it really the same? Yes our kids have soccer and baseball and clubs they are in and yes there are repercussions to missing those events but are we sacrificing family time for that? Finding a balance is hard.
So my husband and I have been talking. He hates group vacations but may be willing to compromise slightly. We are going to make more of an effort. Family is first. I want my kids to have stories to tell with their cousins. I want them to know their history and hear stories about us when we were kids. I want them to know the names of their great aunts and great uncles and who belongs to whom. So family - get ready. If you don't have a guest room, we may pull up in our camper! Either way, I don't want to sit here wondering...what am I waiting for?
